First time posting...please be kind.
I am previously a christian but I have recently (within the last year) changed over to atheism (only my parents and my husband know). The problem is that when I go to a funeral or when I go to church twice a year to support my husband and his family (husband is also an atheist but would never admit it to his parents), I feel super awkward. Are there any atheists out there who still go to church occasionally who can help me out?
Do you still take communion...to avoid more awkwardness?
This is what I have been doing and honestly it's probably what I would continue to do but I have 2 kids, 2 and 4 years old (who are baptized) and I don't want them to have to pretend. They will not be getting their first communion so I guess they wouldn't even be able to pretend for very long.
Second question: Do you still say "God be with you" and shake hands with everyone? Or do you just shake hands and say nothing? Or is that something that just my church did???
Third question: my kids receive special gifts on birthdays and christmas from their godparents. Do we continue to accept these? Feels weird but also feels weird to tell them to stop.
Thanks for your help!
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Are you committing identity suicide by living this way? I might go to church and listen. It gives fuel to my fire. I would never take communion. That is way too disingenuous. Recently I was invited to a communion ceremony and I replied "I am more of a jug of wine and loaf of bread kind of guy!"
Do what you need to do to feel safe and comfortable. It will change with time. You have the option to teach your children that sometimes people have to hide things about themselves because assholes abound and that they should strive to rise above that.
Also, get a copy of "Coming Out Atheist" by Greta Christina. It's a handy handbook for what you are going thru.
Treat the silly people with kindness and care as if you are treating little kids with the father Christmas story.
Don't worry your kids will grow up out of Christianity/Father Christmas on their own.(unless you brainwash them with Christianity yourself at home too).
They are smarter then you think and smell things they can get away with miles away.
Just don't lie to them and encourage them to question things even when you're not in the mood for it.
I'm lucky to not have any pressure to participate in communion, since where I live the dominant church is Evangelical Lutheran.
There are plenty of ways of expressing similar feelings without using words like "God", "Jesus", "pray".
Hmm, it's worth a new thread I think...
Do you not celebrate Christmas because you're atheists? Isn't it more a commercial celebration these days? Good food, presents, etc. Just take the religious parts out of the celebration.
The presents are gifts, so I see no reason to reject them. Unless they are sending explicitly religious gifts to try to influence the children.
Thanks for the advice!
We do celebrate Christmas and exchange gifts but I feel weird about my kids accepting gifts (even if they are always non religious gifts) from their godparents that they wouldn't normally have received had they not been baptized. Just feels odd to continue on with this.
I'm just thinking, if I was the godparent...I wouldn't want to spend extra money on a gift when the child and family are no-longer believing in God or the importance of a God parent.
Blah
I just wish I had changed my beliefs before I had kids. Would of made things easier!
There is actually a very good reason for godparents. I don't like that it is called that, but in the event you and your spouse die, your children will be cared for by the designated godparents. I have godparents for my dog.
Exactly.
From Wikipedia:
"In both Christian and secular views, a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development, and to take care of the child should anything happen to the parents."
Life is awkward so sometimes you have to do things that is uncomfortable. You never have to do things that you don't believe in.
I come from a hindu family in IL, a wealthy neighborhood though so alot of people are atheists.. It was easy for me to come out, and hopefully it will be the same for everyone in the future.
So many things Mimi writes strike me as odd. "changed over to atheism"? What does that mean? Chimp3 used the term "belief system", so perhaps Mimi has that in mind and sees atheism as an alternative "system of beliefs". That sounds like very muddled thinking to me.
The pressure Mimi feels is called peer &/or emotional pressure and it may be illusory. What do you think will happen, Mimi, if you simply say "Bye, see you when you come back" when people go to church, (twice a year or otherwise)? Being atheist isn't doing anything wrong or in any way disreputable. Perhaps you can't openly disbelieve, Mimi, because you see atheism as some sort of alternative religion?
In the UK, being a godparent has nothing to do with god these days. Those are the people a couple trust to raise their children should the couple die. What on Earth does Mimi think it means?
Christmas was previously a pagan feast and it occurs around the time of the winter solstice, so there is no need to automatically associate it with Christianity. Christians have simply hyjacked the name (see thread called "Expressing Ourselves Secularly").
Clearly, Mimi and I live in very different societies and I have the impression that Mimi's is quite oppressive and intolerant of non-believers. I would think very carefully about acting as if I were doing something offensive to someone simply by rejecting their superstitions. Openness isn't confrontation, but if religionists insist on having a dispute with you about it, Mimi, that may be more comfortable and easier than deceit and conformity. What are they going to do, reject you as their family member? Glare at you? And how long will it take them to learn that is wrong on their part, not on yours? Let them speak disapprovingly if they wish.
Identity suicide. You should be what you are and be proud of it. Those who choose to redicual you or otherwise disaproove do so at their own choosing. If something like that happens, it would be the fault of they that chose that reaction, not of you, your spouse, or your children. Pity the weak minded, but it is better to offend than conform.
I can't imagine the weight of emotional distance you feel.
Can you arrive at a consequence, in your mind, for announcing your atheism to your extended family? What does it bring you that you cannot abide?
I do not know the gravity of your family's dedication to the religion and it's ascriptions you know that would be reacting to your announcement. Would it be a bubble bursting or a full blown 9-1-1 event?
There's nothing I can tell you. I can only imagine here where public faith denouncement would take you. I wish you the strength to make the announcement and the will to carry through with it. Oh, and no insult intended, let your husband no he's going to have to grow an additional set to hang with you.
Sometimes I wish I had your level of maturity, Pitar. Other times I disagree with you entirely. Life certainly makes things odd.
Remember, atheism is NOT a religion. Unlike religions which teach that god will be angry if they partake in other religion's rituals, we don't have to care about that. The exact details are up to you but there are not strict rules about what you can or can't do.
The family knows my wife and I are atheists.But if there's a funeral, wedding or other personal event and we wish to attend, we do. After all the religion component of the event reflects the beliefs of the people involved, not ours. We tolerate their beliefs in the same way we would like ours tolerated. When my JW father died, I did not try to stop his JW friends from doing their own service, because that's what he would have wanted.
Some atheists will do a little bit of gifting at Christmas, because it's fun, others are uncomfortable with that. I knew one older Jewish atheist who nonetheless kept mostly kosher and did the holidays, because as he put it, it's a kind of bond with his ancestors who have been doing that for many centuries.
True, some families are such nutters that there is nothing to please them, but lots of people are willing to meet you half way, and you can choose to do the same.