ATHEISTS NEED TO WAKE UP!

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Cognostic's picture
ATHEISTS NEED TO WAKE UP!

America is in real danger. It's sliding into socialism.
What letter does Satan start with? ----------- "S"
What letter does Socialism begin with? ----- "S"
What letter does Sodomy start with? --------- "S"
What letter does Sinister start with? --------- "S"
What letter does Suffering start with? -------- "S"
What letter does Suicide start with? ---------- "S"
What letter does Soccer start with? ----------- "S"

Do you think this is coincidence or something? Do you really honestly think that, cuz it ain't! Soccer is against God. If you support soccer you will burn in hell. Baseball is the American sport. Soccer comes from Satanic Socialist Sodomizing countries where sinister suffering causes suicide rates to rise

Wake up Atheists!!

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Tin-Man's picture
Hey, Cog! Don't forget about

Hey, Cog! Don't forget about salamanders! They start with an "S" also. And, personally, I believe they are the sneaky little spies for Satan. The little bastards are everywhere, but people rarely notice them, so they will say and do anything believing they are alone, but there is always a salamander around listening and watching. Watch out for salamanders, everybody! Just because they are cute does not mean they are your friends!!!

Rohan M.'s picture
And adding on to what Tin

And adding on to what Tin said: one day I remember a friend of my parents telling me about one time when she was frightened by a salamander (because of how creepy they look) and tried to kill it by hitting it with a shovel, severing its tail (don't worry, salamander tails grow back). However, not only was the salamander still walking, but its tail was also still flipping around, which frightened her, and she ran away.

This is a telling example of how evil salamanders are. However, I think that octopuses make better Satanic spies, as they can camouflage themselves to look like just about anything- and this will make you jump- even the lamp on your bedside table could be an octopus in disguise.

Tin-Man's picture
@Rohan Re: Camouflaged

@Rohan Re: Camouflaged octopus

I named my bedside lamp Oscar. You know, just in case.

Tin-Man's picture
Re: Octopus

Re: Octopus

Oh, wait... How can octopus be evil? It doesn't start with "s". Alllllthooooough...... *index finger tapping chin*..... Switch the letters around some and you can get "Stucpoo." Yes... Yes, yes, yes... That is DEFINITELY evil.... *nodding head emphatically*.... Good call on that one, Rohan! Good call....

Rohan M.'s picture
@Tin Man Stucpoo

@Tin Man Stucpoo

*X-Files theme song*

Cognostic's picture
I had an Oscar once. I kept

I had an Oscar once. I kept it in a fish tank in my bedroom. One night I was going to bed and my Oscar was looking at me all snug and warm in my bed, while he sat there in that cold tank of water flapping his little fins to keep from sinking to the bottom. I loved my Oscar so much that I wanted to share my bed with him. I got the little net and pulled him out of the cold water. I fluffed a pillow for him and put him in the middle of it and covered him with the covers.

In the morning when I woke up, Oscar was all stiff and un-moving. When I put him back in the fish tank he just floated. I had to chop him into little pieces and feed him to the cat. I never bought another Oscar. The cat got Oscar bones caught in its throat and it died too.

I don't do well with pets/

Cognostic's picture
Saaallllaaaamaaaannndeeeerrrr

Saaallllaaaamaaaannndeeeerrrrsssss...... Yes! Of course! That makes perfect sense. They are in league with SANTA; sinking through a sooty spout sticking from my shabby shack. Secretly setting Satanic scraps of synthetic mind altering shilly-shally to snare suckling's sanity and sway them to the dark side. It's So sinister as to be stunningly shocking.

Bad Santa's picture
Hey, hey Cog!!!

Hey, hey Cog!!!
Don't get me mixed up in this. I've never spoken to a salamander (officially anyway).

Cognostic's picture
Only the true Bad Santa

Only the true Bad Santa denies his magical connection to Salamanders.

arakish's picture
And who can forget the

And who can forget the preachings from the pulpit of Santa being an anagram of Satan?

rmfr

Rohan M.'s picture
And my personal favorite is

And my personal favorite is their realization that telling kids the truth about Santa Claus will activate the part of their brains that governs critical thinking that their good, God-fearing parents had gone through so much trouble to stamp out and keep inactive, and all this will then lead them to ask the same questions about God; just take a look at what Frank Turek, for example, has to say on the matter: https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Frank_Turek

Cognostic's picture
Whenever I find myself in a

Whenever I find myself in a difficult situation, I always ask myself, "What would Frank Turek do?"

Rohan M.'s picture
@Cog And here is a hilarious

@Cog And here is a hilarious quote from Frank Turek:

I don't have enough faith to be an atheist."

In other words, "I don't have enough faith to lack faith." Sounds legit.

Edited to fix punctuation error.

SecularSonOfABiscuitEater's picture
I listen Carlos SANTANA

I listen Carlos SANTANA

Tin-Man's picture
@SecularSOB Re: Carlos

@SecularSOB Re: Carlos Santana

It's okay, dude. Carlos is cool. He is actually Asatann. lol

Rohan M.'s picture
@Tim Man "Asatann" LOL...

@Tim Man "Asatann" LOL... that just gave me an idea... in addition to being atheists, we are also all asatanists, as we don't believe in either of Christianity/Islam's imaginary beings.

arakish's picture
SANTANA? One of my most

SANTANA? One of my most favoritest bands. Loved his music.

rmfr

Rohan M.'s picture
LMAO you forgot "Schlafly"-

LMAO you forgot "Schlafly"- the last name of the good, God-fearin' Christian who created Conservapedia.

One god further's picture
Have you heard of rational

Have you heard of rational wiki?

Also check their atheism and obesity article, it's laughable.

Rohan M.'s picture
Oh yeah... LOVE that wiki!

Oh yeah... LOVE that wiki!

Rohan M.'s picture
@OGF Oh, and also, I have

@OGF Oh, and also, I have read the "Atheism and obesity" article... but my personal favorite "Atheism and X"-style Ken article is "Atheism and debate"... it'll blow your mind... https://www.conservapedia.com/Atheism_and_Debate

And I'd also recommend that you check out RW's article that dismembers Conservapedia's Atheism and obesity article: https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Conservapedia:Atheism_and_Obesity

Cognostic's picture
WTF??? Now I gotta call my

WTF??? Now I gotta call my mommy have have her look up those words in the dictionary for me. Schafly - also the name of a St. Lewis Brewery. We really need go no further than this. We can read the conservapedia over a beer and have a good laugh.

Rohan M.'s picture
This is the Schlafly I'm

This is the Schlafly I'm talking about.

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Cognostic's picture
SANTANA is one of the only

SANTANA is one of the only bands I have ever seen in concert. Balboa Stadium, San Diego. Santana and a local surf band "Honk." I have probably been to three music concerts in my life. Not my thing.

I love going to plays.

Cognostic's picture
Santana starts with an ....

Santana starts with an .... 'S' we are all burning in hell!

Fallen's picture
So... some shenanigans

So... some shenanigans surrounding S? Sounds significant. Say, should somebody saying something sounding sensitive sally serious subjects? Sadly sometimes situations surface, seeding S starting single shocking sentences: 'Spiritual' starts sounding suspiciously SATANIC.

P.S. The name Jesus has more S's than Satan. Think about it!

Adonis's picture
Why most of the people don't

Why most of the people don't criticize ?? Why ??? We don't understand how our brains works !!! Especially the emotional part ...

arakish's picture
And others that begins with

And others that begins with "S"

Superman
Spiderman

rmfr

Cognostic's picture
Swapping Spit is doubly evil

Swapping Spit is doubly evil - that's why the satanists changed the name to kissing.

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