"Beam me up, Scotty!"

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Tin-man's picture
"Beam me up, Scotty!"

Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! Hope everyone is doing well.

Let me to start by stating this particular discussion is being made purely for the sake of shits-n-giggles. Fun and entertainment is the goal here. It was inspired by the "Atheist Religion" discussion that was posted by TRbizness back around April of 2016. During that discussion there was talk of immortality and the transference of human consciousness into cyborgs. Being a bit of a sci-fi geek, that naturally piqued my interest and brought to mind a few books I have read and movies I have seen related to such matters. Then it made me think, "Hmmm.... Here is a chance to have folks stretch out their imaginations a little." And here we are.

Basically, if you have read a book or seen a movie/show depicting some type of futuristic high-tech equipment or devices that seem beyond plausibility, drag those bad-boys out here to be bombarded with ridicule and picked apart like a carcass on the Sahara. If you have a cool idea for a super-snazzy invention (real or imaginary), display it here for the masses so that we may openly mock your absurd contrivance with our superior intellect and snotty attitudes. (All in good fun, of course. In good taste, though? Ehhhhh.... Optional, I suppose.)

Again, I would like to stress this is for amusement only. Therefore, whacky and bizarre speculations and concepts are not only allowed, they are encouraged. So, in keeping with my discussion header, let's kick off this venture with a look at what it would take to make a real life Star Trek transporter.

Aside from the obvious complications of instantly vaporizing a human body and then restoring same body to a specific point potentially several hundred miles away, we must consider how we get the actual mind/consciousness to follow. (Now THERE'S some fun speculation.) Here's a little tip to get you on the right track: There is a favorite book of mine I discovered a few years ago called "The Physics of Star Trek" by Lawrence M. Krauss. In it he takes all the futuristic technology from the show (warp drive, holodecks, force shields, and so forth) and discusses how plausible it is with today's technology, and then speculates the possibility of our technology eventually advancing enough to make those devices a reality. It is a truly enjoyable read if you like that kind of stuff. Oh, and in the interest of helping to seed more ideas for debate, I suggest the "Old Man's War" series of books by John Scalzi (it deals quite heavily with mind/consciousness transferring), the movie "Bicentennial Man", and the books "Armada" and "Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline (We are damn-near already at the level of technology depicted in his books, by the way.) Anyway, enough of my blabbering. Looking forward to seeing where this leads. Have fun, all.

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Nyarlathotep's picture
I want a washer/dryer combo

I want a washer/dryer combo that moves the clothes from the washer into the dryer.. and maybe from the dryer into a basket

Jared Alesi's picture
Now THAT would be impressive.

Now THAT would be impressive.

Algebe's picture
@Nylarlahotep: "moves the

@Nylarlahotep: "moves the clothes from the washer into the dryer."
We've got one of those from LG. It washes and dries in the same drum. It takes nearly a whole day to do one load though. And it doesn't put the clothes in the basket. Samsung makes one that washes, dries and incinerates your clothes and then burns your house down. That saves a lot of work.

Tin-man's picture
Hell, I don't mind the

Hell, I don't mind the washing and drying part so much. I just wish there was something to fold them and put it all away after drying. I HATE that part.

kampfer's picture
You know those game about

You know those game about fighting mech ? Especially those from Japan ? The most stupid thing about them is.....they have arms , and then they have a giant gun to match to those arms .

I mean , is it really a waste to make both arms and giant gun when you can replace the arm with a gun ?

Tin-man's picture
To: Kampfer. Re: Arm guns

To: Kampfer. Re: Arm guns

Uh, hellll-ooooo.... If the mechs had guns for arms then they would not have mech hands. And if they don't have mech hands, then how do you expect them to be able to unzip their mech flies when they have to take a mech piss? Duh...

Jared Alesi's picture
Are you, as a mechanical

Are you, as a mechanical being, offended at their ignorance?

Jared Alesi's picture
I think we should acknowledge

I think we should acknowledge how in Star Wars, there's no explanations for any tech. And how the things they do try to explain make zero sense. And holy fuckberries was I pissed off when in episode 7 they talked about making the Kestrel run in 12 parsecs. A parsec is a unit of distance, not time.

Diotrephes's picture
Jared Alesi,

Jared Alesi,

Twelve parsecs is supposed to be about 39.12 light years in distance. So if you wanted to cover that
distance in one week how fast would you have to travel, something like 2,034 times the speed of light? How many dilithium crystals will that require?

Tin-man's picture
@Diotrephes Re: How many

@Diotrephes Re: How many dilithium crystals will that require?

Well, Dio, I guess we would first need to know the decay rate of the crystals when in use. I once had a Star Trek technical manual somewhere, but it has long since disappeared. Maybe somebody could look that up to help with the calculations.

Jared Alesi's picture
Short answer? Too goddam many

Short answer? Too goddam many.

Diotrephes's picture
Jared Alesi,

Jared Alesi,

Have you ever noticed in space movies the space ships never require refueling? Imagine going 12 parsecs and running out of coal. That would be a bummer.

Tin-man's picture
Has anybody ever noticed that

Has anybody ever noticed that nobody ever has to go take a piss or shit in the sci-fi space movies? Where the hell was the toilet on the Millennium Falcon??? And on that same note, from where exactly did Chewbacca wee-wee?

Jared Alesi's picture
I don't know, but I imagine

I don't know, but I imagine he needed a towel after.

Algebe's picture
See "2001 A Space Odyssey" by

See "2001 A Space Odyssey" by Stanley Kubrick/Arthur C. Clarke.

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Tin-man's picture
Re: Space toilets

Re: Space toilets

Oh, yeah, Algebe! I totally forgot. They DID actually address that issue in Space Odyssey. Speaking of which, did you ever read any of the sequals? Mentally stimulating reading.

Algebe's picture
@Tin-man: "did you ever read

@Tin-man: "did you ever read any of the sequals?"

Oh yes. I also saw the movie sequel, which starred Roy Scheider, Helen Mirren, and John Lithgow.

The whole "Odyssey" series casts doubt on all the god myths. As Arthur C Clarke said, any sufficiently advanced technology is likely to be seen as magic.

Algebe's picture
Ever heard of the

Tin-Man:

Ever heard of the constellation Urion?

There was a lot of excitement when early astronauts reported seeing clusters of shining objects surrounding their capsules. Eventually they realized the objects were ejected globules of their own frozen pee.

Maybe one day some of those frozen globules will drift to another solar system, where the bacteria they contain will seed life in the oceans of a nascent Earth-like planet. Imagine the theology that the resulting race of pissants would create to explain their origin.

Tin-man's picture
@Algebe Re: Urion

@Algebe Re: Urion

Holy crap! I did hear that term long ago, but had totally forgotten about it. It cracked me up then, and it cracks me up even more now. *Bwaaaaaah-haaaa-haaaa...* But I have NEVER considered the idea of those little drops of astronaut pee-pee drifting off into the nether regions of the cosmos and eventually seeding life on another planet. That shit (or piss) is PROFOUND! Sorta begs the question, though: Would you rather be developed from a drop of frozen alien piss, or from a frozen pile of alien shit? Decisions, decisions..... *scratching chin*

Algebe's picture
@Tin-man: "Would you rather

@Tin-man: "Would you rather be developed from a drop of frozen alien piss, or from a frozen pile of alien shit?"

Anything would be better than being molded out of mud and brought to life by a blow-job from a hairy old serial killer in a toga.

Tin-man's picture
@Algebe Re: Anything would

@Algebe Re: Anything would be better than being molded out of mud and brought to life by a blow-job from a hairy old serial killer in a toga.

Sir, you DO make an excellent point. That being said, I think I would go for the piss. No real reason. Just the aesthetics of it, I suppose.

kampfer's picture
And how the Clone army fight

And how the Clone army fight . They were trained by a pro-mercenary , and then they just charge straight ahead into the battlefield full of droid , laser , flying missile , in medieval style .

Jared Alesi's picture
Or how Obi Wan having the

Or how Obi Wan having the high ground would actually be a major disadvantage when sword fighting. Because Anakin could easily have lopped off his legs and killed him, while Obi Wan would struggle with the acrobatics of fighting downhill. The uphill battle only applies to cavalry and ranged attack. Not fencing.

Tin-man's picture
To: Jared. Re: Being offended

To: Jared. Re: Being offended

Offended?.... Nah. Like I said in my profile, I have thick (metal) skin. However, being a "Person of Alloy" (That is the term those of us of mechanical nature prefer, by the way.), it is always disheartening to me when people make such wild assumptions about my kind. Nobody understands all the social injustice we suffer in a society where we are looked upon as nothing more than kitchen appliances and farming equipment. When will people wake up and see that WE are people too? *sigh*

Jared Alesi's picture
I mean, nobody except the

I mean, nobody except the countless peoples suffering discrimination now, like black Africans, black Americans, blacks in general, LGBTQ, women, Hispanics in border states, everyone in southern states, and the disabled. The struggle is easiest to empathize with when one realizes the ubiquity of it. Add Person of Alloy to the list; bring us your tired, your poor, and your downtrodden mech people, as I always say.

Tin-man's picture
Being that I fall under a

Being that I fall under a Person of Alloy in a southern state, it is a double-whammy for me. The Man is always trying to keep us down. On the plus side, those of us of Alloy (well, MOST of us, anyway) believe in reincarnation through recycling. I always hope I will come back to this world as a super-advanced fighter jet. And I have always had strong feelings that I may have once been a storage shelf in an auto parts store. Strange, huh?

Jared Alesi's picture
A good friend of mine was a

A good friend of mine was a Person of Alloy. Got recycled. He became a case of those Coors light metal bottles that get super cold. But then the asshole that drank them put them in the regular trash, so now he's in Alloy hell.

Tin-man's picture
I admit the thought of being

I admit the thought of being tossed into the regular garbage and taken to a landfill after I am gone does keep me awake at night sometimes. I can only hope when I pass that somebody will have the decency to put me in a recycle bin or take me to a scrap yard. I have "Recycle" on my driver's license, but that is not always reliable.

Tin-man's picture
I have yet to have anybody

I have yet to have anybody explain why the Storm Troopers wear all that armor when it doesn't seem to do a damn bit of good in a battle. Hell, I would have just as good a chance of surviving a laser gun battle in just my underwear. And, hey, I would definitely be more comfortable and mobile.

Diotrephes's picture
If you had the Force why

If you had the Force why would you have to physically fight? Just command the opponent to stop breathing.

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