I became an atheist very early, both of my parents weren't religious at all for most of my childhood, and although I had to attend chuch for a limited period of time because a friend of my mother's asked for her help to deal with church stuff, I didn't grow up in the church in general like for most of my childhood and adolescence. although I still went to catholic weddings and other important ceremonies in other people's lifes. So, I didn't grow up in a religious home, never had a strong faith in god; honestly I learned how to pray with a rosary out of curiosity, and sometimes prayed to be a good company to my friends when we had sleep overs, but I never had a strong belief, and I call myself an atheist since I'm 11 or 12 years old, so I can't relate. I cannot have any words of solace for you. I will only tell you you'll get over it. That's just the most probable outcome. But do me (and all of us here) a favor: do not go back to your religion to "get over" your depression and because of your isolation. I've seen someone I met on the internet who did that and became a joke because of the views he had to hold on to (including YEC) just to have support, a comunity and a family without any further emotional trouble. And he had once been an agnostic (and probably an atheist at some point).

There is a subtle bit of religious baggage that religions and other irrational belief systems use to control people:
"And struggling with finding meaning in anything has become a very real daily battle."
And you seem to be having some difficulty shedding it.
That is completely understandable, it's an aspect of human nature to look for meaning, but it often is taken much too far.
Nature is a huge collection of random processes and randomness is completely devoid of individual personal meaning. We all just need to get used to the fact that a particular roll of the dice has absolutely no meaning whatsoever, even when it affects us personally.

yes, it is sad to think we will no longer exist.

Hey Gina ☺️ I too have suffered from depression on and off for many years. I can't say losing my faith was a big influence with this.... But did effect me enough at times to know where your coming from.
For me it's kind of tough sometimes being with a religious GF...
But you sound lucky in this respect.

Have you discussed this with your atheist husband ? I'd think he would want to be ultra supportive seeing as his wife is making a huge step in the right direction ! I'd sure be there 110% of the way if my GF could ever get this straight !

You are not alone. My deconversion was both freeing and frightening. I spent several years dealing with what I felt and thought about many topics not the least of which was Life/Death and if life itself has meaning. The topic of how to deal with sadness and disappointment happened early, though, as the usual methods of prayer and bible study were obviously off the table.

I don't want to write a blog here, but know that I still struggle with depression. It's been worse since I have been in menopause the past several years, but how I deal is the way I also learned to finally make peace with the idea of mortality. I use rational thinking. The skills which helped me come to my deconversion have helped me with other irrational fears and trains of thought. Honestly considering why I feel "X" and if my anxiety/sadness/fear are justified. Sometimes I just have to accept an uncomfortable situation. SOmetimes I am blowing something out of proportion. But I also counsel myself to take action when I can (and action can be as simple as just acknowledging there is nothing that will change it...but not to revert into hope in magical thinking)

I will just add that I was raised in Church (Presbyterian growing up...and I became a born again Christian in the early 70's at the age of 12-13. I attended many churches but most of my adult life I was involved with pentecostal/evangelical churches. I was in my late 40's (almost 50?) when I deconverted. I don't know how many of us there are out there who do so so late in our lives but I hear that I am a bit of a unicorn. Not many who are entrenched in faith that long make it to rational/skeptical thinking. BUt I am very glad I did. I would rather spend my years living in the here and now than hoping for a heavenly reward. Peace! - Connie