So I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that Jesus exists !
Ok, so I used to deliver pizzas over in Fairfield, CA. One day I took an order for 4 large pizzas, going to..... (I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but I swear it's true) Jesus !!!!
So I actually delivered his pizzas too, and when he answered the door, I just had to confirm it. Are you Jesus, I asked ? He answered, Si` ! Holy shit ! It was Jesus ! Standing Right there in front of me !
The first thing I thought to myself was, WoW ! This guy must really be as caring and loving as all the stories say.... As he actually allowed like 3 families to live in his tiny, 2 bedroom house ! Geez, humble too !
Anyway, as it turns out, Jesus prefers pepperoni and extra jalepenos on his pizza.
Seemed like a nice enough guy.... But then no tip ! Urggg. See if I rush to his house the next time !
Subscription Note:
Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.
Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.
Who cares about the tip !!!! Jesus can do miracles. You should have asked for like a billion dollars, or for Jesus to cure you high blood pressure. Did you grovel on the floor in his presence? Did you offer up some animal as a sacrifice? You know those 3in1 god characters love the smell of blood. Can I get an Amen?
AMEN
for some reason
Based on historical data, the average male in that time period stood 5 foot 6 inches, approximately 170 cm. Based on the bible, he wasn't rich, so he did not eat well, his physique was not spectacular. Although his father was a carpenter, he may have done some physical work before he buggered off and became a wandering hippy.
Attachments
Attach Image/Video?:
The one on the left works at the local 7-11, and the one on the right uses the force and gets in lightsaber battles.
And The Devil has a size 8 right foot!
Seriously. Above Tintern Abbey, on the side of the River Wye valley, is a rocky outcrop from which, allegedly, the Devil preached -
see:https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2006/may/20/gowalk.guardianspec...
Now I have personally stood on said rock, and when you turn around and take a step back onto the bedrock, there is (anyway there was in 1976) a "footprint" in the bedrock that exactly fits a size 8 wellington boot. Obviously the footprint was burned there by Old Nick himself.
When I lived in Encinitas Ca, between El Camino and the I5, we had a fairly active evangelist church in the area. The dreaded doorknockers. I eventually got the conversation down to a fine art
Door Knockers: Do you have time to talk about Jesus?
Me: Sure! Come on in
DK: Have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Me: Absolutely my friend. In fact I talk to him every day.
DK: (Happily) That's fine news! Jesus is the "Good News"
Me: Not always, sometimes he's a bit grumpy, especially if I have run out of sugar.
DK:(somewhat uncomfortable) Sugar?
Me: Yeh he likes 3 with his coffee but I don't take it and so I run out (pause) sometimes.
DK( Deciding as I am foreign must be retarded) So you have coffee with Jesus? In prayer?
Me: Nah, dont be silly, just straight coffee, no cream and we chat about the news and sometimes music. He's a great guy
DK(now seriously convinced I am deranged start edging to the door) You, uh, chat to Our Lord, about ,uh, music?
Me:And the news, you guys know Jesus?
DK: Yes we, uh, know Jesus. He is our Lord and
Me: (interrupting) Of course you do, you said..hang on I'll just call him see if he's free!
DK: (exchange wondering glances and edge to the door)
Me: (On Balcony) Jesus! Jesus! ven aquí
DK: (Now outside the door) No no its ok, we have uh, to do, uh something
Me. Oh, hang on, please (Turn to balcony) !ven aquí, Tenemos que hablar. He's just coming.
DK: No, we must go...goodbye sir (eyerolling and pointing to foreheads)
Me: No wait! Here he is now!
DK: (From stairwell) Keep the bible!!!
Jesus: ?!You called senor? (from the garden)
Me: Hola my friend, sorry those pesky bible thumpers
Jesus: No problemo, you have sugar today? Then I clean the pool hokay?
I miss California!
Considering what he did with a fish and a loaf of bread, I’m just dying to know what he was able to do with a pizza pie!
Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit....
Okay, so I found VIDEO PROOF of Jesus, but I cannot figure out how to share the freakin' link to this site. Somebody please help, as this could settle the matter once and for all! Anybody who knows how, please go to YouTube and search for "The Big Lebowski Jesus bowling scene" and post it here for all to see! I was totally amazed, I never knew Jesus could bowl!
Just copy the http/ address at the top of the screen TM
Here ya go..https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cYQ-1O5cmE
@Old Man
Thanks for posting that. Now we can finally put the whole "Jesus issue" to rest. Unless, of course, some conspiracy theorists come out and start claiming CGI manipulation of the film.
Nope Fishy, jesus mows my lawn. He performed a miracle and saved my cedar bush.
Also, he speaks in tongues. It's not quite Spanish and it's not quite English.
It must be same Jesus! Its a miracle I tells ya!
@Old Man Re: Jesus the pool cleaner
One has to admit that was a job truly suited for his talents. Why didn't you ever get video footage of him walking across the pool as he was cleaning it?
that is an amazing miracle. does he use equipment to mow your lawn or is it a miracle
Oh in my pool after a party weekend it was no trick to walk across it....
@Old Man
Damn. Sorry I missed those parties. *sigh*
I got a pepperoni with the face of Jesus in it but my dog ate it and look what happened next...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azsAfoQejVI
Lol :) Spot on !!!
@ TM thats one of my favorite scenes from the Big Lebowski. Pretty sure John Tuturro had me in tears the first time i saw it.
He really made the best jesus. (John Goodman, Steve Buscemi & Jeff Bridges were pretty good too! )
@Jax Re: Jesus bowling in The Big Lebowski
"...you flash a pistol on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes *click*..."
"...Jesus..."
"You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus."
Cracks me up every time! LOL
Nobody fks with Jesus - My favorite Song... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkR5KXvGPSE
@Cog Re: God song
So touching and heart warming. Almost brought a little tear to my eyes. *sniff-sniff*