Forever alone

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Ligeia's picture
Forever alone

The right thing will come. Goodbye



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Nyarlathotep's picture
Well this place is crawling

Well this place is crawling with atheists!

Welcome to AR!

Algebe's picture
@Nyarlathotep: Well this

@Nyarlathotep: Well this place is crawling with atheists!

But we crawl with our heads held high, and we never kneel.

Welcome Ligeia. You're among friends of like mind here.

David Killens's picture
Sure Ligeia. But I have

Sure Ligeia. But I have conditions. I am married, and any relationship must be 100% platonic. I embrace friendship, humor, a healthy exchange of opinions, and good stories.

I too am very alone. After many years I have come to the conclusion that religion is pure fantasy, and has nothing to support their main claims. Although I do not openly claim my atheism, I am sure most close to me understand my position on religion. I will never openly tell my mother, I have every reason to protect and support her, and thus I will not inflict any emotional pain on a very religious woman.

I am very social, I have a few very close and dear friends. But I am also capable of being a lone wolf. I have spent weeks in the deep woods, as alone as one could be. It does not bother me.

I am a mechanical person, my perception of the universe is like a computer CAD program. I suck at many emotional skills, but I can reconstruct a Formula One engine in my head, and the best part is I am capable of assembling one.

But enough about me. Welcome to this tiny refuge, and hopefully a place where you can replenish your emotional strength. There are many resources in this web site, and I am sure there are others more capable and knowledgeable in guiding you towards a better place in your mind.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
Welcome Ligeia,

Welcome Ligeia,
Must be lonely being in a place you cannot share your thoughts, well, you will not have that problem here! Some of us have far too many, and some like me are plain fruit loops at times (I'm looking at you Tin Man)
But. although we may seem ancient crusty, rusty and stupid, we are friendly so come on in, pull up a marshmallow and chew the fat.

Tin-Man's picture
@Old Man

@Old Man

NOT Fruit Loops! I'm a Lucky Charms guy! Get it right, you ol' coot!

Howdy, Ligeia! Pay no attention to Old Man. He fell off his trike and bumped his head one too many times before he ever got his helmet. If you are lonely, you have come to the right place to kill some time and fight the boredom. So take a bounce off the high-dive and jump right in. The water is just fine!

mykcob4's picture

Hey girl, you're safe here. I am an old crusty profane atheist that spews whatever I fucking feel like saying. If you need a shadow to hide behind, I cast a big one. There are some great people here. There are some really smart people here. There are some dumbasses in the debate area but it's great sport over there. Feel free to jump in and not worry about being put down or hit on. You have protectors here. Old man, Tin-man to just name a few.
Nyar and Sheldon are as smart as one can get. I know I am leaving out some but that doesn't mean that they aren't just as brilliant. They are all pretty damn brilliant the atheists I mean. A couple of theists are okay, JoC, and mostly Breezy when he is in a good mood. Now "Faith in God" is pure bonafide nuts! He is batshit crazy, but he is so much fun to poke at I can't help myself. You'll see what I mean. Occasionally we have "drive-by" believers but they're harmless. We also get really interesting new atheists all the time. So jump in connect and let your feelings out. It's tough keeping stuff in so just unload!

Ligeia's picture
Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your kindness. I feel I can make some friends here. As far as "crusty old dudes" goes, most of my best friends have been a bit crusty. I guess you could say that I love old men. Maybe daddy issues (never met him), but probably just education level. I'm a typical overeducated housewife. (Yes married, 7 kids, only looking for friends, etc..) I'm so thankful to have found some life here among the ashes. I've been smacked down by Catholics, JWs, the CoC, and Orthodoxy among others, and I'm the only real atheist I know. My husband believes in god but doesn't go farther. He doesn't have the issues or inquiring mind I do, and can't talk to me about a lot of things. The in-laws think church solves everything and theyve been trying to de-gay my stepson for years. He turns 18 this year thankfully. My own 3 kids i havent seen in 5 years. My son turned 16 recently and wont talk to me. Demons might get him! It's painful, but it's building a callous that I don't really want. I would rather just forget. Sometimes I don't know what to do. I'm medicated for anxiety and bipolar and I rarely leave the house. I've been trying to blog a bit, I paint, I make music. I'm just alone. Hopefully not anymore! Thanks, guys, for reply. I'll be friends with any or all of you! It's nice when people don't avoid me :)

mykcob4's picture
Take it one step at a time

Take it one step at a time girl, you'll be fine!

chimp3's picture


ZeffD's picture
Nice name. Princess in a tower? Let down your hair and you'd sound like Rapunzel :-)


CyberLN's picture
Looks like you’re not as

Looks like you’re not as alone as you feared, Legeia. Welcome.

arakish's picture
Greetings Legeia.

Greetings Legeia.

You can count me as friend. I am in need of some myself.

I know how you feel. The only persons I ever had to talk to about skepticism and atheism were my wife and daughters. Unfortunately, they are no longer in this world. In the 19+ years I have been without them, I have been as alone as one can be. All of my family are theistic believers and cannot understand why I choose not to be.

Fortunately, I now work in a place where everyone is like minded. This helps, but I have been alone for so long...

Like you, it is hard not having any family who can accept the way I think. I have no friends who are also atheist. At least none left alive.

I cannot explain why I have not even thought of trying to find any kind of atheist website or forums. Guess I just studying scientific websites where I can download peer-reviewed journal papers to read. My library is loaded with science books. And I have recently begun collecting books by Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Daniel Dennet, et. al. My best explanation would be that I have never taken the time to hunt for such, and due to the fact of having to remain a closet atheist from fear of reprisals from my family and all the other Absolutists out there.

It severely saddens me that the American public has allowed the Absolutists to gain too much power in American politics. And the fact that it seems I cannot get away from those assholes. In one way, I can be like mykob4 and use some very profane language. OTOH, I can also be very eloquent in language. I guess it is mostly due to writing my own journal articles that I am not very profane most of the time. However, now that I have found this website, that profanity, especially pertaining to the Absolutists, may find an outlet.

For all those interested, here is a Dropbox link for a pamphlet I keep printouts handy for those door-to-door Absolutists.

Anti-Theist Pamphlet. Enjoy, or curse.

Anyway, well come to these forums Legeia.


Qu@si's picture
a damsel in distress...

a damsel in distress... the hair though

welcome Lig...not alone anymore,
there's no forever you know...

Tin-Man's picture
@Q Re: Forever

@Q Re: Forever

As I have said before, forever can last as long as countless millenia, or it can be as brief as the blink of any eye.

DarkkWolfe's picture
Welcome! I’m newish here and

Welcome! I’m newish here and everyone has been helping me with my issues since I showed up. It’s a good place for support.

Aposteriori Unum's picture
Welcome Ligeia,

Welcome Ligeia,
You definitely came to the right place. There are some very kind and crazy intelligent people here. You can build a sense of camaraderie in the debate room or talk about issues and thoughts you have in the hub away from religious wierdos.

And you can make friends too! I hope you stay and enjoy this motley community of ungodly, and often hillarious people.

Ligeia's picture
I know this may sound

I know this may sound arrogant, its not intended to be. I think a lot of my issues stem from the fact that nobody I'm around on a daily basis really understands me. My family can't keep up. I'm the only reader, the only deep thinker, the only Jeopardy! player. I'm thinking about how infinite time can be best perceived and if there was a before the singularity of the big bang or even if we can consider a singularity... they're thinking about hockey or dinner. I'm trying to canalize my worldview when it seems most people are throwing any serious thought to the winds. Why do I want certain things and why do I think this way and why the he'll am I always bored and never satisfied? That's the tower I'm stuck in. Chained to a physical condition, only able to reach out my mind to your minds. I do believe there will be someone for me, aside from my husband and fan. There's a mind out there that can speak to my mind. I have to find it.

Ligeia's picture
I'm at the point now that I'm

I'm at the point now that I'm almost sure exactly what I want in life, but with no real way to get there. I can see myself where I want to be, but I can't see the path. It's frustrating at my age to still be constantly balked by circumstance.

mykcob4's picture
So what exactly do you want

So what exactly do you want Ligeia?

Tin-Man's picture


Hey there, lady. Like Myk said, "What do you want?" From my experience, knowing exactly what you want is one of the first major steps to finding the right path to take.

Mind if I ask a couple of questions? You don't have to answer if you do not want to. I would understand.

1. Do you work and/or have your own form of income?

2. Do any of your children live with you, or are they all on their own? (You mentioned your 16 year old son. Where is he?)

The reason I ask is because those two particular factors can be a major influence toward helping you reach whatever you may want in life. Something very important to remember, however, is that no matter what path you choose should you finally decide to "break away", it will not be an easy stroll in the park. It will be a potentially long and difficult road. And you are the only one who can decide whether it is worth going through the hardships to get where you want to be. I am telling you this from first-hand experience, as my wife had to go through a very similar journey before she and I ever got together. She went through absolute hell, but in the end the payoff was worth the struggle.

Cognostic's picture
Yes, you are alone. Having

Yes, you are alone. Having friends does not change that. This is one of the things that makes friends so special. We choose to have them near us. But we can never merge with them or be something other than ourselves. In the end, you die alone. All the illusions of being connected to other people fade away as family members grow and move away or die off. All illusions of being connected to others fade away as friends come and go from your life. All illusions of being connected to others fade away as you face your death alone. Knowing you are alone in this world is an amazing thing. Being connected is an illusion. It is only when you are alone that you can really appreciate the company of another who is also completely alone.

Tin-Man's picture
@Cog Re: "Yes, you are

@Cog Re: "Yes, you are alone."

Dammit, Cog. I really like that.

Ligeia's picture
What do I want? Well, knowing

What do I want? Well, knowing and explaining are two different things. Answering questions... My kids don't live with me and I have my own income.

I see myself in a charming cottage with a big yard, or even a bit of land where I can garden and create. I see people coming to my home for therapy. I want my home to be a sanctuary to escape the daily grind. I would offer a number of pleasant diversions. You could do a yoga routine or I could guide you on a meditation. I can then run you a bath, cook your favorite meal, and give a massage. Anything you wanted to do to relax. You could talk through your issues and problems, or I could read your tarot cards, or other things. I would also offer touching, holding, and other physical affections and attentions that people dont get enough of. Even sex, if that's where it leads. The point is for one to leave my home feeling great. I would want to build a regular clientele so I can customize the experience.
So. As far as lifestyle, that's what I want. I want to help people in a small quiet way that suits my sensibilities.
Now for personal relationships, obviously if I had a partner he'd need to approve of what I do. That's rare. I'll have to think about that more.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Ligeia

@ Ligeia

" obviously if I had a partner he'd need to approve of what I do"

No they would merely have to agree with your choices if you shared the space. Approval implies an authority over you. You don't need that. You need a partner that understands your position.

mykcob4's picture
I really don't know what to

I really don't know what to say. Of course, you can desire that lifestyle but I would think very unhealthy. The Tarot Cards is a red flag for me.
You want to have clients and fuck them that is your business, but if I was your partner I would not stay even if I got a cut of the whore money!

CyberLN's picture
Whore money? Really? Wow.

Whore money? Really? Wow.

Tin-Man's picture
Hey, Cyber. Not trying to be

Hey, Cyber. Not trying to be nosy, and I understand if you cannot tell me, but did Ligeia totally leave the site or something? I rather thought she was doing pretty good so far.

CyberLN's picture
I have no way of telling if

I have no way of telling if she has decided to leave, TM. I hope not.

mykcob4's picture
Well, Cyber she is advocating

Well, Cyber she is advocating having a partner that will allow her or agree with her engaging in what amounts to prostitution, and that's okay. More power to her, but I wouldn't stay with a person like that and I don't want any money that would come from that type of enterprise.
You see, Ligeia was a little sly and a bit disingenuine. She portrayed herself as a trapped individual. Then she posed a question to elicit sympathy. We all accommodated her. Then when asked she described a prostitution-based enterprise.
I am just saying I would not be with a partner like that, just like I would not agree to an open marriage. If that is what she wants to do, I don't have a problem with it, IF she can find a partner that is okay with it. Doubtful that will actually happen. My language may be blunt but it is also accurate about the situation!

CyberLN's picture
1. Accusing her of being sly

1. Accusing her of being sly and disingenuous, of purposly eliciting sympathy is opinion and conjecture, not fact.
2. I really couldn’t care less who you would grace with your company in a relationship.
3. Your language was neither blunt nor accurate, it was mean.

Edited to add:
4. She was not ‘advocating’ a damn thing. She was describing what she would like to do with her own life.


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