Please don't get me wrong. I don't have any baggage against people who are married and/or have kids. I just don't wanna live the picket fence/leave it to beaver life.
She's been throwing the idea of me getting into a relationship for the longest time. Probably because of being fruitful & multiplying.
My brother even asked if my cousin who's older than me by 6 weeks if he was in a relationship.
I get offended by it almost being a requirement in Orthodox Judaism for one to get married. My original personal plan was to keep myself available to I can help immigrants naturalize and get green cards. I've seen immigrant spouses of American citizens get deported under President Trump. Thanks to POTUS 45, I think there's no point for me to get married.
Also, climate change has a lot to do with it. I feel like if I'm fruitful & multiply, I'll also end up dividing & conquering. The more people in one household means that more resources will be used at a time.
How can I tell her without offending her and avoid her using sheepish cliches & platitudes?
Subscription Note:
Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.
Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.
Hi Veg, I tried looking at things from your POV, but I disagree with your outlook here.
"Probably because of being fruitful & multiplying." Probably in this context = "I don't know for a fact, but maybe it's true"
That's called making meanings or in other words, speaking for someone else. That is an indication of weak communication. You've talked about issues with your mom in the past & this post just reinforces the appearance that you guys have very weak communication. Besides, when has jumping to conclusions ever been a logical choice?
A lot of parents look forward to meeting their grandchildren and who can blame them? That is a very precious thing to people as they watch their own children grow older. So that wouldn't offend me.
Anyway, I don't think there's gonna be an easy way to say that. If it was me, I'd say that when I am independent and ready for the world, I would be straight forward and honest when I am ready to deliver that type of message.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristen-houghton/childless_b_2630389.html
http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/08/25-famous-women-on-childlessness.html
I admire you for your choice Veg:)
Maybe educate your family on the benefits of not having children.
Thanks for sharing these links. :-)
Of course:)
I don't know how old you are but if you are quite sure she isn't going to understand why you've made your choice, then perhaps you can do what I did. My mother has been wanting for me to give her a grandchild for over 10 years. I've never wanted children. At first, I told her that I wasn't ready to pop out lil munchkins or that I was waiting for that special person. I moved out and had school and work so later I was too busy to pop out munchkins and now I tell her since my brother is turning 18 he can pop out munchkins for her. She still wants munchkins from me of course but by now she knows that I make my own decisions about my life. Cheers and good luck!
Let her talk and carry on. That's what mothers do. Mine was a very sharp lady but otherwise I thought her the banner queen of air heads. Still, she was harmless.
That's what I've been doing, but I'm still frustrated.
TheVegetarianHu....
As it says in Sirach 16:1-3 (CEB) =
"Don’t wish for a multitude
of worthless children,
and don’t be glad about sons and daughters if they are ungodly.
2 If they have children,
don’t rejoice over them
unless they respect the Lord.
3 Don’t be confident that they will live,
and don’t rely on their great number.
One is better than a thousand,
and it’s better to die childless
than to have ungodly children."
Well climate change is a myth and you are an utter moron for helping terrorists get into our country. For this reason, I recommend you never reproduce and never pass on your stupidity.
Harry
Climate change is as much of a myth as having a gun makes you safe?
https://www.nwf.org/Eco-Schools-USA/Become-an-Eco-School/Pathways/Climat...
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bustle.com/p/these-refugee-crime-statis...
So you are also afraid of these displaced beautiful people. Shame.
Veg
I wish people like you would reproduce rapidly to beat out the insane amount of children religious folks do. ;)
I'll allow my kiddos to be freethinkers that judge the evidence not the color of someone's skin. Someday they will back u up. If you ever need help in California with refugee immigrant etc I'm your girl. Proud to have people like you in our country.
Thanks. :-)
Back at your mom, she is a source of your frustration because of her expectations that you don't share. I understand. I'm a parent with 18 and 23 year old sons. They are who they are at this point, as you are, and the world is still turning just fine. It will tell you that if it could speak. Parents are these weird, shrinking people who get smaller and smaller with each passing day, week month, year and then they vanish altogether. Very strange, but normal, and that's the perception from the child's point of view. The parents know it and hope to influence good and noble things upon their children before they vanish from their children's view.
With my mom being Ignorant and POTUS 45's withdrawal from the Paris Climate Agreement, It just got harder.
I do not have kids, in large part because I feel there is a good chance their lives could be quite a bit worse then mine, with various environmental and political calamities coming to a head in the next 40-50 years or sooner. (Yes this includes climate change.) I also feel the single greatest thing by far that I can do to reduce my personal environmental impact is to not have children, that could have children and so on.
Plus I really like the freedom of not having kids. financially and timewise. I get to travel the world. Plus I am the type that takes responsibility, and raising kids is a ton of work.
@POV: "Also, climate change has a lot to do with it."
I think that's just a rationalization of your very natural fear of being a parent. Having children is very, very frightening. It's the end of the life you have now forever. You never stop being a parent. Be honest and tell your mother that you're not ready to take that step yet. Remember that important little word "yet".
Also, the child that you produce could grow into the person that will solve all the world's problems. A new-born is pure potential. And parenthood is the closest thing to immortality that you can get.
Thanks. I agree in part with what you said.
I'm not looking for immortality or the next best thing to it. I knew since I was 13 or 14 that I didn't want to have kids. My generation is also looking to fight climate change with or without President Trump's decision to withdraw from the Paris Agreement.
I am a total newbie here and this is my first post but I will jump in on this one. It doesn't matter why you don't want marriage/children. It's your choice and no one, not even Mom, has the right to tell you to take on a life long responsibility that you don't want. That said, I agree with Algebe that doing anything permanent is not a good idea. We all have made decisions only to change our minds down the road somewhere. There is nothing wrong with that, it's part of being human. However making someone, especially a parent, that has spent their life steeped in an indoctrination that states your life must follow this or that path understand a simple "I don't want to" is really hard. In fact, you may not as yet have solid reasons for your choice other than you don't want to.
Maybe telling your Mom that by doing a wonderful job of raising you to be a person that thinks hard about taking on responsibilities before you step up to the plate has made you realize that this may not be the right thing for you to do. There are all kinds of people that just don't enjoy children. That doesn't make them demons or hard hearted. There are those that totally enjoy nieces, nephews and children of friends but still don't want to take on the life long commitment of having their own. This is your choice and no one else's.