I am in a pickle and really need some advice. My wife is a Christian, and I am not - I haven't really been since the birth of our first-child.
When I try to discuss my un-belief with my wife she gets angry, sulky and responds very poorly. I have 3 children, all of whom are getting to the age where they are starting to learn stuff. My wife reads them Bible story-books, which I feel shitty about. My oldest for sure doesn't know that it isn't the biggest fiction ever written. When I question the validity of the details of the stories in front of my children, my wife blows up. My oldest child, who isn't even in school yet 'wants to die, so she can go to heaven.' This deeply disturbs me.
What should I do? What are the dangers of letting my kids learn this? I see a lot of 'live and let live' on here - but I am their parent, and really don't want them to have to go through the same shit I did in detoxing from the stuff I was indoctrinated with as a kid.
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As long as your child is happy and not one of those crazy religious people I think things will go fine. Talk to your wife that you should tell your kids your side of the story and if she disagree, it's because she worried that god doesn't exist.
I want to extend my deepest sympathy to your situation. It is unfortunate your wife displays an angry attitude to your input of raising your children. To be honest, it sounds like there will be little compromise on her side. She is determined to indoctrinate your kids and she wants no input from you that doesn’t support her world-view. The only thing I can suggest is that you have a discussion with her away from the children about your concerns. If she becomes angry and will not agree to some sort of compromise you will have to evaluate whether or not if you can live with letting her indoctrinate your kids. I hope something better can be negotiated between the two of you.
I completely agree, I sympathize to your situation as well. I would be incredibly frustrated living in your situation, you probably have a difficult time ahead. My wife is not very religious, but she does believe. Even so, she doesn't mind that teach the children to think critically. But then I was already an atheist when we met, just not very anti-theistic as I am today.
Perhaps there are less confrontational ways to approach the problem? Your wife is likely to react reluctant to anything you say on the subject, as you have already seen. Asking questions instead of making statements may be a less aggressive approach.
Teaching children to think critically is important for much more than religion, like commercials, con artists, scams and so on. And these days with the internet, kids get exposed to so much more of that and need to learn to sort out lies and deception on a completely new level than before.
Where does the information come from? Who is providing the information? Does the provider stand to gain from not telling the truth? Can the information be verified?
This video clip has an explanation for why they tend to react as they do, if others do not believe as they do. It might help to understand the behaviour.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j8ZMMuu7MU
Don't sweat it. Kids grow up and metabolize their worlds through their own rationale. If they remain aligned with a belief system then so be it. If they don't, they'll need to have the inner strength to live a life with a finite end and no further reward. Be there for them if that occurs. In the mean time, they'll say stuff that you may, may not like but that's what kids do.
Whatever you do, work to keep your family stable even if it means living in the presence of a belief system. It shouldn't matter to you, anyway, because there's no real consequence in it other than your own frustrated psyche. You married her and now there's kids to hurt by ending that marriage. Looks like you're going to have to play your man card and deal with it.
I have four siblings, catholic raised, who are now atheists. My wife is a theist. She knows full well I'm not. My kids grew up and turned out to be atheists despite early exposure to theism in a religious school. I made sure that they understood it to be a doctrine, which is a belief not founded in fact, and that some people did not believe in it. They wanted to know why some people did and didn't believe in it and I carefully explained it to them in a manner that respected both camps. They wanted to know what I believed and I told them I was undecided but the most important thing was that they decide for themselves what to believe and it wasn't important to make that decision until they were ready to do it. When they reached the age of reason they let me know atheism was their choice. We objectively discussed and affirmed that life was finite with no reward of an after life in the cards, which they knew by then. Now we discuss theists openly, out of earshot of their Mom. I make sure that they understand most people are not ready to give up the comfort and hope for an eternal life described in their belief systems. I further this by telling them that they will be much better served in their life's journey by keeping quiet about such things. It might be the difference between getting a job, or promotion, or otherwise jeopardizing their equality for opportunity in the face of a theist society. That's what you need to be ready to warn your kids about if they turn away from their religious exposures. It's happening in your own home with your wife's rejection of you for being openly atheist so don't forget the lesson.
I think the rate of successive generations becoming atheists is growing exponentially. Humanity is too far from the clouded dark ages of ignorance to lean on stories of religious explanations anymore. Kids don't buy into that stuff like they used to just because mommy and daddy said so.
You make a good point in that, depending on the surrounding situation, it may only cause more problems for the children if they where to become outspoken atheists. And that the biggest part of the problem is only the frustration of the atheist parent.
Where I live, being an atheist doesn't pose that much of a problem for kids growing up. So for me, it is easy to speak of teaching the kids to criticise religion.
Best thing is to consider the childrens living situation first, and if necessary bite down and endure.
As a warning example of how bad it can go, this poor guy ended up in a very unfortunate situation, with a bitter divorce where his wife got the full support of the justice system, as they where completely bias with the religious mother.
http://www.atheistrepublic.com/forums/atheist-hub/anti-atheist-corruptio...
My suggestion to you is to let your kids have internet and do the research themselves.
Make sure that they question everything(non religious)
They will come on their own to you, to ask you how the fuck do you drown a planet or how to get all those animals on the ark.
The best way to become an atheist is to read the bible.
So when your wife reads a passage you can read an other passage like Noah or Jesus Walking on water , then finish up with father Christmas, tooth fairy, or Hupty Dumty.
Trust me, kids are smart, once they realize that Christmas Father is a lie(even after they see the presents), they will throw god in the same bag.
At the same time you appear nice to your wife and play for the long game, not for the short game.