At a loss of what I should do.

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Anonymous's picture
At a loss of what I should do.

Well, I finished my finals and returned to my home this past weekend. At my folk's church, the music minister left and now they want me to help lead the worship music over the summer until they can find a replacement since I am studying music. It is getting to where religion is controlling my life. After being forced to go to church after my "doubts" and speak with the pastor only to get a cop out bible verse (Deuteronomy 29:29), they are trying their damn best to try to keep me from becoming what I already am. I know it may be wiser to keep an act until I can graduate from university, but sometimes I am so tempted to tell them that I no longer believe. Now this comes up and I don't know what I should do. I can't turn to anyone because I don't have any unbelieving friends, and the best I can do is a moderate christian friend that I feel wouldn't understand my problems. I feel they only approached me about this so they could try and convince me to transfer back to my old university and pursue a music ministry degree, as now that is all they seem to be bringing up. What do you guys think I should do?

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jamiebgood1's picture
Live your life. Make choices

Live your life. Make choices that makes you happy. I used to lead worship and I now I hate that I was apart of worshiping a genocidal god.
You have options to do great things with your musical talents. I'm not saying you should openly hate on your family and friends for believing such nonsense. You should just realize that your exsistence and future depends on your choices only. Do what makes you happiest and you won't regret it.

CyberLN's picture
You can, in response to their

You can, in response to their request for help with the music program, say, "No thank you." And leave it at that.

bobingersoll's picture
That's a hard one, but I

That's a hard one, but I agree with Jamie - if you don't mind doing it, and the money is decent :) do it. Heck, when I had my own photography business, I shot a lot of weddings in churches, some very religious ceremonies. I did a lot of portraits for Christian schools and Christian daycare centers. For a long time that was my bread & butter, so to speak. No one knew I was a non-believer (and no one cared enough to ask either).

~ but ~

If you don't want to do it, or you think you will feel in any way hypocritical by doing it, then you will have to decide if you are going to make up an excuse or be honest...it's all up to you.

Anonymous's picture
Theres not going to be any

Theres not going to be any money involved. It's a small church and they want me to volunteer since I have been going there since I was little

Sky Pilot's picture
G. Rat.,

G. Rat.,

Would you do that if they were dead? Do you think you will be happy doing it 20 or 30 years from now? What will you get out of it? What will it cost you? Are you willing to pay the price for doing it or for not doing it? If you knew that you were going to die within the next 5 years would you do it?

jamiebgood1's picture
Christians do so much without

Christians do so much without getting paid because their rewards are in heaven. It's a perfect scam:)

SecularSonOfABiscuitEater's picture
How much of your time is this

How much of your time is this going to cost you? If it'll ruin your summer and stop you from other things, I'd say don't do it. BUT if not, use it as Volunteer experience and get all the scholarship benifits you can get. Maybe you can flip the script and make it work for you.

LogicFTW's picture
I personally would not do it.

I personally would not do it. I do not "volunteer" a large chunk of my summer doing something I do not care to do or believe in. I would decline and not state why.

If they pressure you for a "why" know that they are being the rude ones. If you want, you can try and have an excuse that's ready if you feel the need to explain to them why. Perhaps find something that you do believe in, to volunteer for, like every other weekend playing the piano and a retirement home or something for a few hours.

mykcob4's picture
Just say "NO".

Just say "NO".

Jared Alesi's picture
Tell them you're spending all

Tell them you're spending all your time learning to juggle so you can finally join the circus like you always wanted to as a kid. If they're not baffled beyond belief, I'm sure you'll think of something.

Usagi's picture
Okay so if you don't want to

Okay so if you don't want to do all these awesome suggestings that people have given you as responses then why don't you just make yourself way too busy. Plan a trip like camping or join a club. Get a girlfriend if you don't have one already and make her take a lot of your time lol idk So much stuff you can get into to fill up your calendar. Get a job? Get 2 jobs? I like saying no to people so that's the best advice I can muster.

jamiebgood1's picture
You are too funny Usagi:)

You are too funny Usagi:)
Saying no is pretty fun

mykcob4's picture
Okay, walk into your church

Okay, walk into your church to accept the job carrying a porno magazine and wear a gay rights T-shirt. They'll ask you to leave.

Anonymous's picture
While that would be fucking

While that would be fucking hilarious, it's a small church and I know everyone in it.

SecularSonOfABiscuitEater's picture
And they make mens rompers

And they make mens rompers now. It looks so weird! lol

Anonymous's picture
I feel like I'm on the edge

I feel like I'm on the edge with my folks. If I tell them no, then they will only keep hounding me about it. I do have a job now, but I, by their requests, cannot work on Sunday for church, so that is out of the question. A girlfriend is out of the question because my parents believe in "courting" because of a dumb bastard preacher
they like named Paul Washer. There's virtually no reason for me not to do it other than my disbelief in their God. There's nothing in it for me, no money, no scholarships, zilch, otherwise this wouldn't be hard at all, I would just do it for the money. It's a waste of my time and I would feel like and hypocrite for doing it.

jamiebgood1's picture
"Courting"

"Courting"
If your an adult now don't you have a say in your life?
The word reminds me of a great old musical "seven brides for seven brothers." Seems like your parents might enjoy watching you court a gal in the fashion this movie describes.
There's a song "going courting" so funny. But hell it does look like fun.
https://youtu.be/7qaxA5Xa_e0

jamiebgood1's picture
Just watched going courting

Just watched going courting video and I'm shocked I know every word. Wish I could do that with Eminem songs:(

Anonymous's picture
On top of that, since I haven

On top of that, since I haven't given them a straight answer, they will have even more reason to ask me why.

Nyarlathotep's picture
Man GRat, you are in a tight

Man GRat, you are in a tight spot. Perhaps you could tell them that you are still trying to figure out your life and your relationship with god; and that perhaps you shouldn't be in a leadership position at the church until you figure it out. Of course that might come with its own can of worms. I'm grasping at straws here. Good luck.

jamiebgood1's picture
Nyarlathop has a good point.

Nyarlathop has a good point. You wouldn't be lying, so if your a bad liar like me you don't have to be worried. Just don't start the god debate with them unless your ready to start that war.

Usagi's picture
@Grat

@Grat
Dude, I don't know how old you are but man you need to move out. Seems like your nads are being held tight by your parents. Good luck to ya mate.

Anonymous's picture
I'm 20, old enought to where

I'm 20, old enought to where I should be able to live my life. College is expensive, though, as well as the cost of living that even if I have a part time job, which I did when I was going this last semester, I don't have enough to pay the additional 1000 dollars after grants and my piss poor music scholarship as well as the 500 a month for my apartment. So I can't afford to move out. Sorry if it seems I'm venting off.

Nyarlathotep's picture
GRat - So I can't afford to

GRat - So I can't afford to move out. Sorry if it seems I'm venting off.

Well I'm a huge believer in education; so as I've said before: do what you got to do to get that education. If you feel you need to be more honest, you can always go with statement like "I'm still figuring out where religion belongs in my life" and other fluffy statements that don't reveal your hand.

Sky Pilot's picture
Since you're asking for

Since you're asking for advice =

You're wasting your time studying music because you will never make any money from it. You should have gone after a professional or industrial degree.

You can't live your life trying to make your parents or other people happy. They had their dreams. You need to have yours. They had sex with who they wanted to have sex with, they married the person they wanted to marry, they lived where they wanted to live, and they had kids because they wanted to have them. You need to know what your dreams are and it's doubtful if they are fulfilling other people's dream about how you should live and what you should do.

But if you want to do music then you might as well do the church gig. It's not like you have a lot of rich rock concerts lined up. If any of us were your parents you might have other problems but it wouldn't be doing a music gig in a church. You will soon be 30, then 40, and 50. Get yourself ready. One day you will be the old guy in the room.

Anonymous's picture
Well, my dad asked again and

Well, my dad asked again and I told him I don't feel like it. He asked my why and I just told him that I would probably be tired from my work. We just left it at that and I hope he doesn't bring it up again. Yes they do have me by the balls literally. And yes, I do want to move out soon, but if I do, they will cut out my college funding. I'm in a tight spot.

CyberLN's picture
grat, give a read of Greta

grat, give a read of Greta Christina's book "Coming out Atheist". It may help a great deal.

Anonymous's picture
I'll get an ebook. Thanks for

I'll get an ebook. Thanks for the suggestion. I finally finished the God Delusion and watched the documentary. I'm working on God is Not Great. About halfway through. I have my phone locked so no one can find out. I'm holding off of coming out, but sometimes it's really tempting to just to live my life normally, but I sure do need the college money.

Usagi's picture
@Grant

@Grant
So sorry to hear that mate, you really are in a tight spot. Vent away anytime dude if that helps even a little.

BAACKJD's picture
I stopped volunteering my

I stopped volunteering my time for the church years before I deprogrammed. I've always been a big fan of selfishness. For the time being, allow them to believe that you're just not a helpful person. It could be a real game changer for you. Nobody expects shit from me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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