At a loss of what I should do.

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chimp3's picture
G. Rat: How much identity

G. Rat: How much identity suicide can you tolerate?

Anonymous's picture
I'm not sure what you mean by

I'm not sure what you mean by thay, but I'm not suicidal if that's what you're asking. If you are talking about me playing two face around my friends and family, then some days are worse than others.

chimp3's picture
If someone asked me to pray

If someone asked me to pray for them and I did in order to keep my atheism secret I would feel a sense of disloyalty to my self. That is identity suicide. I can sympathize with your situation. My family members know i am an atheist but not my coworkers who are all very religious. I don't go to work to be evangelized to so my atheist anonymity is important to me. But if some one asks me to pray for them I will have to find them some one who will.

Anonymous's picture
Yes, then I experience that

Yes, then I experience that all of the time. It gets fucking hard sometimes. I have a lot of friends at the church, not to mention my family, who are devout. I am pretty sure that I am the only one who is an atheist in my family. I come from a southern baptist, calvinist upbringing, and my family adheres to those doctrines (dogmas) strongly, even the 5 points of calvanism bullshit (if you know anything about that). I used to be extremely devout, so people trusted me as a deacon's son to pray for them, and I would, but now I can't even say with confidence that I could even consider praying for them. Yesteray at church, in our morning bible study, we discussed helping others out. The teacher used me as an example of a hypothetical unbeliever, saying that christians should help other christians before an unbeliever. It was freaking scary because soon enough the people I have known for a long time will know me as the unbeliever, and I feel that if I ever needed help in the future, they would look at me as the enemy. Religion is fucking monsterous. Sorry if I bored you :)

algebe's picture
@G. Rat "christians should

@G. Rat "christians should help other christians before an unbeliever"

That's surprising. Has your teacher heard of the Good Samaritan? If someone's in trouble, you help them regardless of who or what they are.

Anonymous's picture
I know. He was just cherry

I know. He was just cherry picking Collosians 4:5, saying that a christian has to be wis towards unbelievers.

Rohan M.'s picture
There is not a single page in

There is not a single page in that Wholly Buybull that does not condemn or demonize a non-Christian.

Rohan M.'s picture
@Algebe Yeah. And tell me

@Algebe Yeah. And tell me again, theists, how we atheists are the "arrogant" ones. This divisive, us-versus-them mentality makes me sick. Why should these people have to determine whether or not someone has more Holiness Points before helping them?!

Rohan M.'s picture
@(not verified) Nah, don't

@(not verified) Nah, don't worry- you haven't bored us at all. You can rant and vent all you want; and your troubles are quite valid, too. And you're absolutely right; religion is quite monstrous indeed. It's very sad to see what people like you have to go through. We are here to help you and listen to you, friend. :)

MCDennis's picture
How old are you?

How old are you?

Usagi's picture
@ MCD He already answered

@ MCD He already answered that in a previous comment. He is 20 and a college boy.

ImFree's picture
Rat: Is there anybody out of

Rat: Is there anybody out of town near a park you can visit? You could tell your parents you were invited to participate in outdoor activities. For example, go to a National Park like Yellowstone or a county park to camp and hike. Some parks have showers.

Anonymous's picture
That would be fun, but I have

That would be fun, but I have an overnight job at a convinience store now, so vacations are kind of out of the question.

Pitar's picture
Then there's this place. It

Then there's this place. It can't be you but it can be here for you. I have no advice that isn't already hung up here for you.

What's your short term goal? GTFOOT? Where to? Small town kid makes a deal at the crossroads? Sounds like staying will kill more brain cells that you can afford.

Regarding the worship music lead pressure, my condolences. I couldn't do it without some serious outward laughter aimed inwardly at my predicament. I've had to put thumbtacks on my own chair in the past so I can relate.

Anonymous's picture
My short term goal is getting

My short term goal is getting a job as a highschool band/choir director to save up and pursue a doctorate on my own without financial help. Yes, getting the hell out is one thing I sure want to do. I am passionate about music, and I am doing well pursuing it with many opportunities to have my compositions performed as well as comptitions for my compositions. Long term, I want to go to UCLA for a masters and, if I play my cards right, pursue a DMA at Julliard, but those are after I save my money, so it might be another 5 years after I graduate before I can pursue that. My folk's are helping me for my bachelor's so that the debt will be more bearable after graduation, but after I explained that I had "doubts" (more of a litmus test to see how they would react), they threatened to pull all funding so that they wouldn't be supporting a secular education that would lead to my unbelief.

jamiebgood1's picture
Your a stud dude. I don't

Your a stud dude. I don't know what I would've done in your case, but you seem to be thinking it through which is huge. :)
Just remember that these next few years are nothing compared to the rest of your life. Don't let conflicts with your parents taint your goals. I believe as you are loosening the strings that held you back you will be able to fly higher and stronger than before. Your building up your courage and determination muscle. It will serve you well in the long run. :)

CyberLN's picture
Grat, are your folks paying

Grat, are your folks paying for your collage so you can avoid taking out student loans?

Anonymous's picture
Yes. I have a few more years

Edit: I misread your comment. I am taking student loans, but only a little bit. They are helping me after the scholarships and grants, which comes out to about 1000 dollars.

CyberLN's picture
Look for the student load

Look for the student load forgiveness programs you can participate in by doing a year or two of public service. It might make finishing your studies without help from your folks possible. My daughter got a 10k reduction for doing two years in AmeriCorps.

algebe's picture
G. Rat:

G. Rat:

"It's easier to stay out than to get out." (Mark Twain)

If you weaken and accept this job, you might think it's only a temporary compromise, but once you're in you'll be up your neck in clinging Christian guilt-mud. It's your decision, but don't deceive yourself. If you don't want to hurt your family's feelings, think up a gentle excuse about other commitments, etc. Your time is a precious, non-renewable resource.

Anonymous's picture
I'm sorry guys that I haven't

I'm sorry guys that I haven't been very good at responding. I only get the chance to comment on this forum very seldomly. I also have an overnight job working at a convenience store, so I sleep in the day. I'm going to try better to answer your questions.

ImFree's picture
Hang in there G.Rat, I really

Hang in there G.Rat, I really empathize with your predicament. It must really be hard for you to be around pious people spouting religious platitudes all the time. Religious talk really makes me cringe. Growing up I attended a private Church of Christ school first through the eighth grade. We had to attend chapel every morning. Yuck!

Rohan M.'s picture
Oh damn... I'd recommend that

Oh damn... I'd recommend that you find an atheist/humanist student group, or search online for a support group.

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