My Father Died Today

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thelargerbowl's picture
My Father Died Today

I have spent three months 6 to 8 hours a day living in the ICU with my father. He went in for a blocked bowel, and developed double pneumonia, not once , but three times, blood poisoning, a blood clot on his lung, A -Fib, and finally had to have surgery. The surgery was drastic as most of his intestines were taken out. My family fell apart. My sister and I stopped talking. She left for a vacation and left me in a mess.

My dad went downhill and was put back on a vent to breath. He suffered and endured pain worse than this so called christ.

He was a christian most of his life, but confessed to me that his parents beat him everyday on his back with a belt, according to that bible we are supposed to take at face value. I tell you this because my dad's back problems stemmed from these beatings which lead to him being on narcotics pain killers, which lead to other health problems and eventually his death.

So this book of fucking lies in a sense killed my dad. He abandoned his faith in writing months before he was hospitalized. I saved this and am using it to give him a non christian funeral.

I cannot prove that there is no god. I will say this however. If I am wrong and there is. I would rather burn in his hell then worship his filthy ass.

I had one father, the one that gave me life.

I will never forget him and my heart is torn in two. I saw him suffering and told them to turn of the vent today. He now has no more pain, but mine has just begun.

I know my purpose in life now. It is to preach about false lies from a book of ink and turn as many people away from this kind of shit as I can.

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Algebe's picture
I'm truly sorry for your loss

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was still quite young. I was overseas when it happened. He'd become ill and decided to have by-pass surgery, but he didn't want to worry me, so he kept it secret. So I got a terrible phone call on the other side of world, and I missed my last chance to talk with him. There were important things that never got said.

Your experience has been quite different. You've been there with him through all the pain. I'm sure that was a great comfort for him, and I hope you can get some consolation from that. You had to make a decision that no-one should have to face. It's an awful feeling. I had to make that choice for my stepfather, who was in a coma after multiple strokes. I hope you know that you did the kindest thing, the right thing for your father's sake.

chimp3's picture
Sorry to hear about your

Sorry to hear about your father.

Kataclismic's picture
I would like to join you in

I would like to join you in your quest to expose the lies, but it is a lost cause. A person must have the fortitude to accept the evidence long before they can listen to or look at it. The anger you feel is toward a couple of individuals for the things they did to your father, not a whole religious community, and it is unfair to take that anger out on them. It is also self-defeating. My condolences.

CyberLN's picture
I hear the grief in your

I hear the grief in your words. The love you have for him shows. What a special thing that is. Remember that you have forever gained. You have gained in the knowing of him. That can never be lost.

ImFree's picture
Sorry to hear of your loss.

Sorry to hear of your loss. You were wise to save your father's thoughts concerning his disbelief in religion sparing you the contention of relatives that might insist on a religious funeral service.

LogicForTW's picture
What a terrible series of

What a terrible series of events. I know I will never truly be able to relate to what you gone through, but know you got my support and likely that of everyone here in the atheist hub.

You can not completely disprove the general "god" idea as theist over time gave "the idea" strictly metaphysica magicall properties, but you can create an overwhelming pile of evidence that the christian god is all made up, the number one most powerful evidence against god being whichever bible the christian follower most identifies with.

Deidre's picture
I'm sorry for your loss. Your

I'm sorry for your loss. Your story is so moving and powerful. Think it is beautiful that you saved this to honor your father.

mykcob4's picture
Sorry for what you and your

Sorry for what you and your dad endured. What we must all understand is that there is much more than the loss of someone dear that happens to us. Our life changes. We face uncertainty to go with the loss.
I just went through the same thing just over a year ago. Years ago I moved in with my mom and dad to take over the financial burden that they could not afford. My dad was slowly dying and suffering from dementia that grew every day. Finally, he passed. Then I was left to deal with my mom who had never known insecurity or lack of companionship. It has been hard, to say the least.
You will have to deal with the realities of life that will slap you in the face. Sorry, that is just what happens.
All I can say is that I am sorry for your loss, but more importantly, I am sorry for what you now will have to go through.

xenoview's picture
Here is a secular website

Here is a secular website that might help you grieve.

thelargerbowl's picture
Thank you all! I really

Thank you all! I really appreciate all of your kind words and thoughts.

Seenyab4's picture
I am so sorry to hear of your

I am so sorry to hear of your loss

usama2k's picture
relay sorry to hear your loss

relay sorry to hear your loss... but life is like that.. nobody can live forever.. but you are lucky that you were there in last moments

MCD's picture
sorry for your loss

sorry for your loss

DancingFool's picture
My condolences. I have

My condolences. I have followed your posts of dealing with your father's pain for the past year. You can know now that he no longer hurts. I have been in your shoes. Some years ago I had to approve turning off life support for my mother. I have the peace if knowing the last words we said to each other was I love you. Took my dad to hospital last August. Hw went downhill quickly and died. He was fortunate to nit experience much pain. What you have done for your father was a difficult yet beautiful expression of a son's love. You both are to be congratulated that he raised a fine son.

Diotrephes's picture
There's no really good way to

There's no really good way to die. They all suck. I think it's better to have a quick one even if it's messy than a long drawn out one.

Sirach 30:21-23 (CEB) = "21 Don’t let grief take you over, and don’t distress yourself on purpose.
22 A joyful heart means life for a human being, and a person’s rejoicing provides long life.
23 Distract yourself, cheer yourself up, and keep grief far away from you because grief has destroyed many, and there’s no benefit in it."

Sirach 38:16-23 (CEB) = "16 My child, let your tears flow for the dead;
as one who is suffering terribly,
give voice to your sorrow.
Lay out their bodies in accordance
with their wishes,
and don’t neglect their burial.
17 Let your crying be bitter
and express your sorrow fervently,
and make your mourning
worthy of them.
Mourn for one day or two
so that there can be no criticism,
and then be comforted from your grief.
18 Too much grief can lead to death,
and grief in one’s heart
will sap one’s strength.
19 Grief also lingers in misery,
and the life of the poor
is a curse upon the heart.
20 Don’t give your heart over to grief;
stay away from it,
remembering your own end.
21 Don’t forget that there’s no coming back;
you won’t do them any good,
and you will hurt yourself.
22 Remember their sentence,
because it’s yours also:
“Yesterday it was I, and today it’s you!”
23 When the dead are at rest,
put their memory to rest,
and be comforted for them
when their spirit has left."

thelargerbowl's picture
Sorry, but I have nowhere

Sorry, but I have nowhere else to vent about my life. While this is a forum for views about religion and being an atheist, some of what has happened to me lately could be on topic. Well..I had my dad's funeral and his written wishes were to NOT have any kind of religion involved. No christian music or pastor. I told the funeral home this, but they could not find a speaker until the last minute and she included a few prayers to my dismay. My sister who claims to be a christian wanted a moment for prayer and I relented. I feel I betrayed my father's wishes as he was overcome with anger at what christians have done to him in the past. I picked out his grave marker today and at least I git that right, no cross or christian message of any kind. My father and I shared a home and I have a room mate coming in who is a friend, but we are complete opposites and everything has happened so fast that I have not even had time to grieve. Lawyers, phone calls, signing this and taking care of this and then that has me so overwhelmed I sometimes cannot believe how cruel this all seems. My lifestyle is being altered. I feel like I not only lost my best friend and father, but I was his caretaker and it is like I lost a job as well.

I am swimming in debt, stressed beyond what I can handle, the future looks very insure for me and I have lost 15 pounds and am smoking again.

With all of this going on and people knowing my beliefs, they just cannot get it into their thick skulls as they still say I am in their prayers and everything will be alright as god will never give me more than I can handle!!!!!!!!!!

Both of my parents are now gone. I have a distant relationship with my sister and a friend that is also a christian moving in with me. I know other people have problems and there are certainly other people suffering out there as well and while this might sound arrogant to some, how? Just how can people still believe in god? I was an agnostic. I used to curse at the so called god.

About the only peace of mind I have is knowing that both of my parents no longer suffer. Both are gone forever, meaning I know there is no magical place where they are waiting for me. The last ten years have been full of hospitals, doctors, surgeries, rehab centers, etc. I have some kind of a medical trauma disorder I believe.

I guess in closing I can honestly say this, Hi, my name is Mark and I am an ATHEIST, and dam proud to be one.

Thanks for letting me vent.

CyberLN's picture


This is your forum too. If you want to vent, if you want support, if you want to talk, if you want to share your grief, this is your place, along with the rest of us, to do it.

I'm actually quite jealous of the wonderful relationship you got to have with your father. What a lovely thing you got to experience. It sounds like there are some shitty things going on right now. As trite as it sounds, those things will pass and you will be left with all the amazing ways your parents changed your life for the better...just by knowing them. You have forever gained in the knowing of them. Trust that.

thelargerbowl's picture
Thank you. I just did not

Thank you. I just did not want to appear like I was just coming here to whine. I appreciate all of the kind words and thoughts you have all given.

Randomhero1982's picture
So sorry for your loss!

So sorry for your loss!

thelargerbowl's picture
Well the knot at the end of

Well the knot at the end of my rope is coming undone. Today I found out my only remaining relative in my life, my sister has cancer. I am devastated beyond words.

All I have left is anger and rage along with disbelief. For those that have commented in kind, I thank you.

CyberLN's picture
I'm so sorry, Mark.

I'm so sorry, Mark.

SecularSonOfABiscuitEater's picture
That is terrible news. I'm

That is terrible news. I'm sorry. Did they catch it early?

thelargerbowl's picture
Thanks. I don't know. My

Thanks. I don't know. My sister is a private person and I was surprised she even told me. Although we are not that close, she is all I have left.

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