I have landed on this site after contemplating running away or committing suicide for a number of reasons. It is not limited to me being an atheist but also due to the fact that I am a 25 year old female in a conservative Muslim family. In my house, dad is the ultimate authority.
I have come to realize that I may have depression. Anyways, I guess talking to people who may be in similar situations might help a bit.
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Hey there, Sana. Welcome to the AR.
Well, considering I am neither Pakistani, Canadian, nor female, I obviously am not, nor have I ever been, in your situation. However, what I can tell you is that given the option of running away or committing suicide, I would most strongly recommend the "running away" option. That being said....
For starters, do you live in Canada? If so, then the running away option just became that much easier. Next, having no idea what your financial/educational/vocational/physical health status is makes it very difficult for me or anybody else to offer any real advice in how to change your situation. Meanwhile, you have at least come to the right place to find some good advice from some very knowledgeable people. And beyond that, it is also a place you can vent your frustrations and get feedback on any thoughts and ideas you may have. So look around at some of the many threads and maybe try to relax a bit while here. See you around.
(Edited by adding a greeting to correct my bad manners.)
Hey Tin-Man,
I sure feel like running away would be a better option. But I am just trying to exhaust all options before I do so. I have completed a bachelors degree from a university here in Canada and know that id be able to sustain myself with even a small job.
Coming to the frustrations, my house is basically a place where I live with my parents (56 yrs & 62 yrs old) in constant fear and control. I am basically supposed to ‘ask’ them before I make any plans with ‘any’ friends. I work full time and have been giving a ceratin amount of money at home every month. I call it rent but my dad does not agree it’s rent. On days when my dad is cranky he will come to my room at 9 or 10 am and open the curtains and instruct me to get off the bed. If I am making breakfast he will come downstairs and start criticising little things like how I place the dishes in the washer, or how I flip an egg or make tea. He will then pack my lunch for me and bring it up when there is an argument telling me they care for me so much bla bla bla. It’s pretty shitty to be honest. I cannot have guy friends (at all), boyfriends would be like a next level problem, and I need to get their approval on each and every single thing I do.
There are days when I am scared and lonely. I wait for them to leave the house so I can watch a show on Netflix in peace or just be at peace. I call him when I get to work everyday and when I leave from work. The days I dont he will sarcastically bring it up.
I feel like im in depression because I sleep a lot, ive always wanted to drift off from reality by indulging in movies or books (because indulging in going out is not an option). And I have started to get these lower abdominal pains for the past few years and there never seems to be a problem in the diagnoses. I was reading an article by Leyla Gulcur titled, “Evaluating the Role of Gender Inequalities and Rights Violations in Women’s Mental Health” and it mentioned something about the symptoms of depressiong which included somatization. Anyways, just ranted a whole lot here.
I look forward to speaking with like-minded people or just people who are not so narrow minded.
@Sana Welcome to Atheist Republic, Let me start off by saying something that would make it a lot easier and better for you.
There's atheists from the middle east or Muslim countries would love to be where you are right now and at this very moment but unfortunately they can't be in a free country and some of them are even imprisoned or killed for criticizing their religion.
If i were you i would pack up my bags and leave. I assure you it's not as easy as it looks to some but with time and PATIENT you will realize you made the right decision. Considering the fact that you have already graduated and have a bachelor degree is more helpful than nothing which will allow you to work everywhere and anywhere you go. You have a job and that's a huge benefit for you.
I do understand where you coming from as i have studied Pakistan's culture a few years ago along with other cultures and unfortunately you are in a tough spot and i wouldn't want to be where you are now as you have no choice or vote over your parents and you have to do as they SAY.
But here's the best part. You live in CANADA. A FREE COUNTRY. They have absolutely no right to criticize or control your life. If you got a Canadian Passport that's awesome. PACKUP your bags and leave Immediately to somewhere far away from your parents area and start working and saving. Make friends and even a boyfriend who would protect you from them and anyone else.
In case you are not officially a Canadian citizen then you should apply for Asylum and tell them what's going on and how your life is in danger! You have a huge chance of getting it since Pakistani's culture is pretty restricted when it comes to a Muslim being an atheist secretly!! The penalty of apostasy in Islam is DEATH.
If you need a friend or someone to talk to You have US! We are here for you and everyone like you.
PS, You should watch a Netflix series about the universe and how it works by Neil deGrasse Tyson. It's called "Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey".
Have a lovely weekend.
G'day Sana
I can only empathise with your situation. You do live in Canada where there are support organisations for people just like you EXMNA in Toronto with similar in Vancouver, Ottawa Quebec and Montreal. They are are a phone call away where you can seek support.
I was married into a Bengali family for some years ( my son is anglo indian) and I appreciate the family paradigm and conditioning that makes it so hard to break away.
For the rest of it, as Tin Man said. Welcome to chat, PM or just plain vent your feelings here. You will find plenty of empathetic support from old and young alike.
Welcome Sana. Wa’l-salaam
Hi Sana welcome to AR
I was in a similar situation about 4 years ago (key differences being I'm a guy and an American.) However given your situation as stated above my advice would be to save as much money as you can and leave. I understand that it's especially hard because it's family but if you work up the courage I don't think you'll regret it. In the meantime most of the people on here are pretty decent and would have no problem chatting with you in the mean time.