Speaking in Tongues

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Tin-Man's picture
Speaking in Tongues

*taking sip from water bottle*… Phew! Alrighty then. Finally recovered from that run I made down the aisle and halfway back up. Trying to get in shape so that I can make at least three full passes. Anyway, I would like to thank Cog for my inspiration in making this thread. When he suggested in another thread that we all get together and attend a church service, he chose me as the candidate to represent the group by speaking in tongues during the service. As such, I naturally want to do our group proud and be a fine example for all my friends on this site. Therefore, I have been practicing channeling The Spirit, and I was hoping I might attempt a quick “Speaking in Tongues” session here today as a means of determining if I am “on the right track”, so to speak. Now, I admit I do not know very much about this particular ceremony, but I have heard before that every person speaking in tongues requires an interpreter to relay what is being said to the rest of the congregation. That being said, I do hope there is somebody here who is willing to give this a shot with me. So, without further ado, I will now attempt to place myself into a divine trance and call upon The Spirit to provide me with its bounty of wisdom to pass along to us lowly heathens…

*popping knuckles*… *a few quick breaths*… *arms hanging loosely down by side*... *staring straight ahead*… *eyes glazing over*… *thousand yard stare*…. Giggity… *corner of mouth twitching*… Giggity-giggity… *eyes closed tightly*… *arms raising over head*… *waving hands wildly*… HEEEE-HAWWW! Tootie-fruity! Hiiiiiii-deeee hoooooo!... Si mong arf unk lego odtob eag ans tas quir reln utsa reta sty!... *deep breath*… Trof moc yar! Smial corp trof moc yar! Suna ru oyn itif san anab!... *hopping on one foot*… *spinning in a circle*… Goony-goo-goo! Goony-goo-goooooo!... Woooooo! Wooly-bully-wooly-bully-wooly-bully!... Yo ucann othav epud din gwit ho ute atingme atun les sy oubec omec omf or tab lyn umb!... Gohy riah adep muhd nuo hyn roha!... *stopped spinning around in circle*… *both feet back on floor*… *shaking head vigorously*… *slobber slinging everywhere from corners of mouth*… *eyes opening slowly*… *arms slowly lowering*… *blank stare*… *deep breath*… *eyes blink rapidly*… *looking around confused*…

Hey… What happened?... Could anybody understand what I was saying?... I seem to have blacked out for a few minutes, but it was like I was watching myself from “above”, or something. Kinda freaky. No idea what the hell I was saying, though. Hope somebody was able to interpret everything. Could be a very important message for all we know. Maybe even a prophecy! That would be exciting! Looking forward to seeing what incredibly vital message The Spirit chose to bless me with relaying if there is an interpreter here among us.

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SeniorCitizen007's picture
Some reseachers played a

Some reseachers played a recording of someone speaking in tongues and asked 36 people who claimed to have the gift of interpreting such gibberish what was being said ... and got 36 completely different replies.

Tin-Man's picture
@Senior

@Senior

Yeah, that's no doubt a problem, I would guess. Just hoping somebody can translate this one, then we can have a discussion about what it all might mean. Get everybody's interpretation of the message.

thelargerbowl's picture
I have it! We all need to

I have it! We all need to watch Family Guy and Hee Haw while singing Wooly Bully and Tutti Fruity! I did just that, but started to levitate and spew green liquid all over my living room while growling. Thanks Tin-Man, I feel better now!

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Tin-Man's picture
@TLB

@TLB

Glad I was able to help you feel better. Sorry about the mess, though. I can recommend a good maid service if you need it.

Still, I really do hope somebody can full translate my message. It just seems there must be a grander message contained in it.

Fallen's picture
Wait...wait...I feel it...I

Wait...wait...I feel it...I feel it. Praaaise the Lord, Hallelujah! The Lord just blessed me with the spirit of interpretation, go figure.

Yes, Tin-Man you were definitely speaking the tongue of angels...Wait...wait...the interpretation is coming through; the spirit says:

"Do not fear, for the time is short. The tribulation will be lifted in seven weeks of years, and the rapture is at hand: Snickers will be on discount at your local store Wooooo!...Praaaise the Lord!

SeniorCitizen007's picture
In Zen 'Speaking in Tongues'

In Zen 'Speaking in Tongues' is called 'Divergent Language'. One just make up words that sound like language. It has a therapeutic effect of "flushing away" the normal anxiety-producing internal thinking ... keep it up for a while and one can can get quite "high" on the feeling of not having to think (or wonder whether one is talking sense or not). I once got a room full of people doing it ...and everybody felt good about how it made them feel.One can accompany the "speech" with gestures and facial expressions, etc. It's great fun. Very helpful if one is feeling depressed.

Talyyn's picture
@Tin-Man

@Tin-Man

It was quite a show. When you guys will have the traduction, I will begin to work on an exegis, right?

Tin-Man's picture
@Talyyn

@Talyyn

Yeah, that would be great! You might want to get with PJ. He seems to have made some headway with the translation. Maybe you two can work out the rest of it together.

Randomhero1982's picture
Ohhhh I felt a tingle in my

Ohhhh I felt a tingle in my loins.... where are those altar boys!

Tin-Man's picture
@Random

@Random

Hey! Work before pleasure! Stay focused, man! Very important we get my message spread to the world!

Cognostic's picture
All I heard was "Cog is an

All I heard was "Cog is an asshole Cog is an asshole Cog is an asshole...." It really must be the Holy Ghost sending a message through you. I'm convinced.

Pirate Jack's picture
Well Tin-Man, after reading

Well Tin-Man, after reading it twice, I feel several spirit forces calling me! I hear Brother Mr. Hankey calling from the great beyond! I also feel the presence of Brother Mr. Murphy reaching out! And for some reason, I’m listening to Pink Floyd while eating pudding! Don’t do that shit anymore god damn it!

Tin-Man's picture
@PJ Re: Translation

@PJ Re: Translation

By golly, man! I think you may have something there! Thank you!... *excited clapping*... It would seem The Spirit really was communicating through me! Yay! Oh! And I don't know if it will help much, but during my trance I had a strange image of that weird banana preaching dude flash through my head. Could that mean something?

Pirate Jack's picture
Could also be some reference

Could also be some reference to Simon and Garfunkel, Little Richard, Ric Flair (Wooooo!) Damn dude, you really found some devine inspiration!

Tin-Man's picture
@PJ Re: "Damn dude, you

@PJ Re: "Damn dude, you really found some devine inspiration!"

No no. It isn't ME. It is The Spirit using me as its divine vessel to communicate its holy and sacred message to all us godless sinners! And it would appear that The Spirit has also chosen YOU, Brother PJ! For you seem to have the Gift of Translation flowing within you. Hallelujah!!!

David Killens's picture
In preparation for the Grand

In preparation for the Grand Holy Convention, I have been growing out my beard and hair so that I look like Santa Clause, the unknown 13th Disciple. I hope to have some reindeer poop on hand so I can mix it with the holy water and make holy pies.

I have attempted to run Tin-Man's rants through the Acme Universal translator, but the best I could understand was this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx47qrH1GRs

arakish's picture
Dang, David. You beat me to

Dang, David. You beat me to it. Teach me to read an entire thread of sourcecodemigraine's bullshit, get a migraine and wake up late in the morning...

rmfr

David Killens's picture
We need to get Tin-Man to

We need to get Tin-Man to lead the ceremony, and that requires getting him ordained. I have already picked out a name for him, Rabbi Rust Bucket.

Tin-Man's picture
@David

@David

Rabbi Rust Bucket, huh?... *contemplating*... Yes! I like it! Has a nice ring to it.... *sudden look of realization*... Wait... Lead a ceremony? What ceremony? And I have to get ordained???... *wringing hands nervously*... Wouldn't that mean I would have to start being all holy and pure?... *shaking head in disapproval*... Oh, dear. That would really interfere with my weekends. Besides, I thought Random was gonna be doing all the preaching.

David Killens's picture
It's OK Tin-Man, relax, take

It's OK Tin-Man, relax, take a deep breath and just try to allow the holy feelings of WD-40 wash over you and bless you.

We can get you ordained quickly and easily, so you can become an ordained priest of The Church Of The Latter Day Dude.

https://dudeism.com/ordination/

Tin-Man's picture
@David

@David

Well.... I did it. I took a leap of faith and got my certificate. I am now officially ordained by the Church of the Latter-Day Dude. In celebration of this auspicious occasion, I do believe I will partake in the drink of White Russian this evening. And tomorrow I intend to go find a rug that really ties my room together.

David Killens's picture
DUDE !!!!!!!!!!

DUDE !!!!!!!!!!

Or should I say, His Holy Dudeness?

Pirate Jack's picture
I am now experiencing

I am now experiencing stigmata! The bleeding holes have fucked up my lunch and afternoon jerk off session! Damn you Tin- Man!

Tin-Man's picture
@PJ Re: "The bleeding holes

@PJ Re: "The bleeding holes have fucked up my lunch and afternoon jerk off session!"

Small price to pay for serving The Spirit, brother! You have done a wonderful thing with your Gift of Translation! (And, besides, just take an extra thirty minutes for lunch tomorrow and maybe schedule an extra jerk-off session along with it. The Spirit provides.)

Randomhero1982's picture
I've developed some wonderful

I've developed some wonderful hover boots for the finale of the sermon, with the help of a well placed industrial fan I shall finish the service looking like magneto from x-men!

Just screaming at the congregation, "LOOK AT MY POWERRRRRRRRRR!"

Tin-Man's picture
@Random Re: Hover boots

@Random Re: Hover boots presentation

Wow! That sounds awesome! Hope I am out of my trance in time to see that. Otherwise, somebody please video that for me!

AccretedMinutiae's picture
Simon Garfunkle good to be

"Simon Garfunkle good to be [against a]/[a gangsta] squirrel nuts are tasty." (As you can see, my interpreter skills broke down just a bit on this one)

"Bananas fit in your anus! Ray Comfort proclaims! Ray Comfort!" (Atheist Experience #563 anyone?)

"You can't have pudding without eating meat unless you become comfortably numb!" (I figured this one was either a Pink Floyd reference, or to the reality that gelatin is basically made from animal offal and numbness to the factory-farmed animals' plight is necessary to enjoy a tasty treat at their expense. No? Pink Floyd then? Yeah... I figured.)

"A horny hound humped a hairy hog." (this was the most informative bit, in my opinion - I really felt The Spirit was trying to speak to me with this one)

Tin-Man's picture
@Accreted

Oops. Dupe removed.

Tin-Man's picture
@Accreted

@Accreted

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise be to The Spirit! Both you and Brother PJ are truly blessed with the Divine Gift of Translation! Thank you, Brother Accreted! Now all that is left is to determine exactly what message The Spirit is trying to relay to us. Excellent! I am truly a vessel! Yay!... *clapping joyfully*...

Tin-Man's picture
@Accreted

@Accreted

Alright then. Now that we have a clear translation of my glorious Tongue Talking, let's get down to brass tacks, shall we? So, first off, what do Simon & Garfunkle, gangsters, and squirrel nuts all have in common? There surly must be some sort of connection there. And I already see a bit of a quandary with the gangster part. One must consider it would definitely make a difference whether we should be pro gangster or anti gangster. The rift that could cause might end up being a problem. Would be nice to have a definitive translation on that.

Sooooooo.... Do you suppose Mr. Comfort was initially wrong when he was talking about the banana being perfect for the hand? Wow... I have to admit, that could have quite the impact on the whole banana industry. But, hey, The Spirit works in mysterious ways, right?

Eating pudding without meat and being comfortably numb..... Hmmmm.... Ya know, I think you might be on to something there with the animals' plight, but it just isn't all that clear at the moment.

You said the hound and the hog passage really "spoke to you" and that you found it most informative. Please, if you don't mind, enlighten us to your thoughts on that. If you felt The Spirit moving within you so strongly, then it must be a sign and quite important.

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