Speaking in Tongues

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AccretedMinutiae's picture
@Brother Tin-Man

@Brother Tin-Man

So, first off, what do Simon & Garfunkle, gangsters, and squirrel nuts all have in common?

Perhaps something hidden in the track "The Sound of Silence?"

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain

Squirrels bury their nuts (seeds) for winter, while the Earth is "sleeping", they bury them in the dark, and those nuts end up being a squirrel's best friend. The buried nuts are planted... perhaps the crust of the Earth is like a skull... which makes the Earth a brain! By Jove! Oh dang... I forgot the "gangster" bit. Oh well... can't be that important.

Do you suppose Mr. Comfort was initially wrong when he was talking about the banana being perfect for the hand?

The union between man and banana is not expressly forbidden. I think Ray is in luck.

Eating pudding without meat and being comfortably numb..... Hmmmm....

I'm going to try out a pudding, meat and novocaine parfait. I really think it might reveal some clues.

You said the hound and the hog passage really "spoke to you" and that you found it most informative. Please, if you don't mind, enlighten us to your thoughts on that.

Both hog and dog end in "og" - which, going back to the gangster reference reveals that this obviously stands for "original gangster." And since adding a "d" to the reverse of these letters results in "god", it is also obvious that God is revealing himself as the original original gangster. And since the humping of a hog by a dog wouldn't produce offspring, the conception of such a union would need necessarily be an immaculate one. The offspring thereby completing the trinity - which is to say, the 3 entities of dog, hog and god incarnate. You know what else has 3 parts to it? A triangle. Therefore - Illuminati... confirmed.

Tin-Man's picture
@Accreted Re: Analysis

@Accreted Re: Analysis

Oh my word! That was remarkable! You are an absolute genius! Clear. Concise. Superb. Sublime. Strongly gifted by The Spirit you are! Brothers and Sisters! We are truly blessed to have Brother Accreted among us to help show us the path The Spirit wishes for us to follow!

Oh, as for the parfait, I strongly recommend butterscotch pudding, and make the meat bacon (crispy fried). Can't go wrong with either one of those.

Rohan M.'s picture
A mongrel will barf on Lego

A mongrel will barf on Lego bricks on top of a queen's sty. Then we need to find a trove of mocha and buy a small cup of said mocha. Then we will make baby-like cooing noises, subscribe to a bunch of pseudoscience, and bully three sheep into giving us their wool. Then either we can have a din and a twit who will undermine tuna fish (atun means tuna in Spanish, but with an accented "u"), or someone named Lynn is dumb. Gloria is adept in mud with a new hymn about me ("roha" is just one word away from "Rohan").

Tin-Man's picture
@Rohan

@Rohan

Yes, young follower! How wonderfully fortunate we are to have you with us today! I can see you are interested in developing the Divine Gift of Profitizing. You seem to be having "visions" of things that may or may not come to pass. And the "donations" we receive from those who seek such blessed foretelling will be most useful to The Spirit! (And to helping me make my new car payment.) And I do see promise in your works! However, do not try to force your precious abilities. You must simply allow The Spirit to flooooooooooow within you. Do not think. You must clear your mind of all reason and useful knowledge. Throw all logic and rationality out the window! That is the only way The Spirit will ever be able to truly work within you and use you for its holy calling. Continue your practice, young brother, and make The Spirit proud.... (and rich).

Rohan M.'s picture
@Tin OK, I will... Time to

@Tin OK, I will... Time to shut down the parts of my brain that govern critical thinking once again and practice the principles of the Three Wise Monkeys: See no truth, hear no truth, and speak no truth... Oh, wait... I can hear something from the Ho- Thdowknd dicjdnns dis trukt eeyore bran yagt tag gkdjsnr dunce hide fuse cujgkdmsne udine icoa fisn en if ish heb heh ixa ydiou.

Tin-Man's picture
@Rohan Re: " I can hear

@Rohan Re: " I can hear something from the Ho- Thdowknd dicjdnns dis trukt eeyore bran yagt tag gkdjsnr dunce hide fuse cujgkdmsne udine icoa fisn en if ish heb heh ixa ydiou."

YES, Brother Rohan! You are STRONG with The Spirit! And I can now feel The Spirit moving within me and guiding me to translate Its glorious and divine message it delivered through you, its holy vessel.... *slipping into trance*.....

...*staring into nothingness*... *speaking in steady monotone voice*... I, Tin-Man, rejoice in being chosen by The Spirit to translate the holy words of wisdom delivered to our Brother Rohan. Rah-rah-rah. Go, Team Spirit. All ye present gather around and hearken unto the message of The Spirit.... (For English, press 1. Para Espanol, marque dos.).... *beep*... LO! Do not trust Eeyore offering bran yogurt, as depression it does so obviously cause. And only fools hide their fuses under koi fish! Have a nice day!.... *eyes blinking rapidly*... *snapping out of trance*... *looking around confused*...

Hey, how did it go? What was the message? Hope somebody recorded it. Wow! The Spirit is really awesome!

Edit to add: Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention. To those of you out there who have a moment you feel The Spirit moving within you, worry not. The Spirit is all-wise, and it uses condoms.

Rohan M.'s picture
@Tin Yes! Yes, brother Tin

@Tin Yes! Yes, brother Tin Man! You are truly endowed with the Gift of Translation. See what pounding gibberish into my keypad at random can produce? It was obviously divinely inspired! Then again, my phone's auto-correct may have changed up some of it, but that's obviously completely irrelevant; the fact that you were able to translate it indicates that I am gifted with divine wisdom!

Cognostic's picture
Simon and Garfunkle are two

Simon and Garfunkle are two squirrely nuts who wanted to be gangsters but ended up singers.

Tin-Man's picture
@Cog Re: "Simon and

@Cog Re: "Simon and Garfunkle are two squirrely nuts who wanted to be gangsters but ended up singers."

Yeeeees... That's fantastic! Yes, yes, yes.... That makes perfect sense now. You are brilliant! It is so obvious now what The Spirit is telling us. Basically, no matter how crazy you are about something, you may not always get it, because The Spirit has greater plans for you and his Vaguely Divine Ideas. And that would most certainly explain the uncertain translation regarding pro or anti gangster. Excellent work, Cog!

Cognostic's picture
Anyone near Tin! He needs

Anyone near Tin! He needs a quick Jolt to the head. Something is short circuiting. A good kick to the groin may do it as well. Somewhere his nuts are too tight.

Diotrephes's picture
song funk good to began as..

song funk good to began as...a horny hound humped airy hog...You can not have pudding without eating meat unless you become comfortably numb.

Randomhero1982's picture
I am pleased to announce that

I am pleased to announce that we will also be partaking in the eucharist ceremony too!

With the wine being replaced with absinthe, the bread being replaced with a high powered hallucinogenic piece of chocolate.

Then the congregation will strip naked, cover themselves in lubricants and run away from the dragons, all to the sound of pounding techno!!!

Tin-Man's picture
@Random Re: Revised

@Random Re: Revised Eucharist Ceremony

Hey, don't you DARE start that ceremony...... until after I snap out of my trance. I definitely don't want to miss THAT.

Randomhero1982's picture
I have added liquid acid to

I have added liquid acid to some WD40, the lord is all loving and want you to chase dragons with the rest of the parish.

Cognostic's picture
Eeuuuuw This is turning out

Eeuuuuw This is turning out to be my kind of party. Where did I put that pig nose?

Pirate Jack's picture
I am feeling a Devine

I am feeling a Devine presence now!!! It’s telling me something about anus and nuts!! What’s that Great Spirit? Oh it’s clear now Tin-Man! “Never have anal sex with a female who eats lots of nuts! Oh damn, what wisdom!

AccretedMinutiae's picture
Maybe a warning more along

Maybe a warning more along the lines of "Watch out for a female who has something like nuts, lest you receive something like a banana in your anus." And apparently we have Ray Comfort to thank for this nugget of wisdom. Most probably some personal experience of Mr. Comfort's that led to this profound revelation.

arakish's picture
And to help so everyone can

And to help so everyone can see...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV9QVhql-5g

rmfr

Cognostic's picture
Pig shit sandwich toe wax

Pig shit sandwich toe wax spilled lap monkey tree jam on the roof that milked down walls staining carpets where the blood cant get out. *POP* Oh! Sorry! That's not talking in tongues. That's just my tourettes acting up again. Someone Kick Tin in the NUTS!

Randomhero1982's picture
He died on the cross for your

He died on the cross for your sins!!!!!!

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Skeptical Kevin's picture
@Randomhero, who told him

@Randomhero, who told him that he could touch my sins??? Maybe if he didn't go around touching everyone else's stuff, he wouldn't have been stuck on that cross!

Skeptical Kevin's picture
Ahhh speaking in Tongues.

Ahhh speaking in Tongues. Based on the age old principle "The less I understand you, the more I'm convinced." :D

Tin-Man's picture
@Kevin Re: "The less I

@Kevin Re: "The less I understand you, the more I'm convinced."

Yes! You DO understand the ways of The Spirit! Glory be! Glory be! That is right, Brother Kevin! You MUST throw away all of your understanding so that you can truly understand. And to be fully convinced of the wonderful Vaguely Divine Ideas of The Spirit, one must understand that understanding will only serve to cause confusion, and convinced you will no longer be. For to understand The Spirit, one must be blind in order to see!

David Killens's picture
I can speak conversational
Randomhero1982's picture
REPENT SINNERS!!!!

REPENT SINNERS!!!!

Come into Reverend Randoms sex dungeon mmmmmmmmm.... err.... hmmm... I mean confessional booth!!

Now, tell me of all your perverse thoughts mmmmmmmmm erghhh hmmm... your sins, yeah... hmm... tell me your sins.

YOU CAN ALLLLLLLL BE REDEEMED!

Tin-Man's picture
@Random Re: "Now, tell me

@Random Re: "Now, tell me of all your perverse thoughts mmmmmmmmm erghhh hmmm... your sins, yeah... hmm... tell me your sins."

Uh, so, look... Nothing personal, but before I make any confessions I will need you to sign a waiver stating you will not hold me responsible for any psychological/emotional trauma/damages caused to you during my confession. Just sayin'...

Randomhero1982's picture
It is not your reverend that

It is not your reverend that holds you responsible, it is THE LORD ALMIGHTYYYYY!

Confess!!!!

And ignore the clicking... it's the light, it isn't a recording device for later reflection and ny own sexual gratification!

Hahaha hahaha that would just be creepy... yeahhh! Uhhh hmmm...

Tin-Man's picture
@Random Re: "It is not your

@Random Re: "It is not your reverend that holds you responsible, it is THE LORD ALMIGHTYYYYY!"

Oh! Okay. Gotchya. Thanks for clarifying that. In that case, The Lord Almighty will also have to sign the waiver.

Rohan M.'s picture
TYPICAL PRIEST:Want to have

TYPICAL PRIEST:

Want to have se- er, I mean private confessions with me, you beau- I mean, cute little boy?
Randomhero1982's picture
SO SAY IT THE SHEPHARD!!!!!!!

SO SAY IT THE SHEPHARD!!!!!!!

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