Hey guess what?
You woke up today,
You're a human being,
Which means you're a horrible sinner,
Which means you're automatically
Guilty of everything,
You're guilty of breathing and
Enjoying every single second life,
You can never do anything right
And you deserve to go Hell to be
Tortured for eternity
From the very moment
Your conceived!
Jesus Loves You,
Have A Nice Day!
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god send me to hell..that's fine cause it's gods plan..maybe i have a purpose in hell that's why he send me there..
hell yeah...
AMEN..!!!
@Q
The Devil would never allow me into hell. He's afraid I might take over. *evil grin*
sing it with me
"Oh, sinner, do not stray
From the straight and narrow way
For the Lord is surely watching what you do
If you approach the Devils den
Turn round dont enter in
Lest the hand of the almighty fall on you
Hell fuck you up (hell fuck you up)
Yes, God will fuck you up
If you dare to disobey his stern command
Hell fuck you up (hell fuck you up)
Dont you know hell fuck you up
So you better do some prayin while you can"
"hands of the almighty"
~John R. Butler
If anyone couldn't tell that was sarcasm.
Even though there are billions of Christians who believe every word of that craziness.
I used to 2 years ago.
@Neal
Dude, I cracked up reading that OP. LOL Good one. *thumbs up*
1. If Jesus loves me, please explain the following....
MATTHEW:
Jesus says that most people will go to hell. 7:13-14
Jesus tells his disciples to keep away from the Gentiles and Samaritans, and go only to the Israelites. 10:5-6
Cities that neither "receive" the disciples nor "hear" their words will be destroyed by God. It will be worse for them than for Sodom and Gomorrah. And you know what God supposedly did to those poor folks (see Gen 19:24). 10:14-15
Families will be torn apart because of Jesus (this is one of the few "prophecies" in the Bible that has actually come true). "Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death." 10:21
Jesus says that he has come to destroy families by making family members hate each other. He has "come not to send peace, but a sword." 10:34-36
"He that is not with me is against me." 12:30
Jesus tells us what he has planned for those that he dislikes. They will be cast into an "everlasting fire." 25:41
MARK:
Any city that doesn't "receive" the followers of Jesus will be destroyed in a manner even more savage than that of Sodom and Gomorrah. 6:11
Jesus says that those that believe and are baptized will be saved, while those who don't will be damned. 16:16
LUKE:
Jesus says that entire cities will be violently destroyed and the inhabitants "thrust down to hell" for not "receiving" his disciples. 10:10-15
Jesus says, "He that is not with me is against me." 11:23
God is like a slave-owner who beats his slaves "with many stripes." 12:46-47
JOHN
The "wrath of God" is on all unbelievers. 3:36
If you don't believe in Jesus, you will "die in your sins" (and then go to hell). 8:24
Those who do not believe in Jesus will be cast into a fire to be burned. 15:6
IF YOU THINK YOUR JESUS IS A GOD OF LOVE YOU ARE IGNORANT AS CAN BE. IF YOU WERE A POTATO YOU WOULD BE A VERY STUPID POTATO.
That's all Charles Manson Helter-Skelter stuff!
And if you follow Jesus like a good little Xtian, the reward is an eternity singing hymns in a heavenly choir of other self-righteous pricks. Is there an upside to all this crap somewhere?
@Algebe Re: "Is there an upside to all this crap somewhere?"
Well, I hear they have a pretty good dental plan. *shoulder shrug*
Ha ha ha
Any other 'benefits'
Medical, retirement...
Yes, there may be an upside. Some very attractive single women attend church, all you have to do is fake it.
I'd rather be in hell. Probably be more fun.
Thomas Westbrook suns it up very well: Why is Heaven Bad?
rmfr
Oh Fk! I always knew there was something wrong with me!