Did you READ your bible or Torah today

143 posts / 0 new
Last post
catholicray's picture
So you’re telling me your

@Cognostic

So you’re telling me your nuts are frozen to the keyboard and you managed to contort your body in such a way that your nose would be directly next to your testicles?

Do you even girlfriend bro?

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Ray, cog and TM

@ Ray, cog and TM

Ssssh, Arakish has had a real bad dose of squirrels. That's why he is more grumpy that usual. He caught them off a particularly alluring Hazel Bush. I told him he should always spray before pollinating but he just doesn't listen. I told him to always make sure the bush is shaved before engaging in that activity. Even the bees know better. Those Squirrel Transmitted Infections are nasty.

Anyway, we shouldn't talk about it anymore, its a secret....and the more we talk the longer this thread stays at the top of the list....and the scratchier the squirrels seem...

catholicray's picture
@Old man shouts

@Old man shouts

Well out of courtesy I’ll drop it then. Just to be sure, I’m not posting this response to push this thread up on the forums again.

Cognostic's picture
catholicray: Gog mnooths

catholicray: Gog mnooths inm mneethteereth waths. Uth chimpths ith kapthabul ofps mangy nmarakkulas thinkgs witth jethees anb tha power of praeer/. Ha ha ha , Jokinthg, No jethees hewr, Justh uth chimpths, No jethees evewr eksthed, Ha ha ha ,, too badth too youth, OUTH! I thninth I pulth a neckth muththl, OUTH! //// sthiit, nmow I gothta cawwl nime oun oun. Sthit. I tak stoo u lather,

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Cog

@ Cog

Classic...obeying Arakish Laws of AR I now have all comestibles and breakables in a separate area....so when I laugh myself out of my Battle Bull no damage is done except to Captain Cat's equanimity.

Diotrephes's picture
I wonder who will be the

I wonder who will be the first person who will say that he/she will obey John chapter 6 and kill Jesus, drain and drink his blood, and eat his corpse in order to gain eternal life.

Tin-Man's picture
@Dio Re: "I wonder who will

@Dio Re: "I wonder who will be the first person who will say that he/she will obey John chapter 6 and kill Jesus, drain and drink his blood, and eat his corpse in order to gain eternal life."

Do I get to choose my own dipping sauce? Oh, and is it okay to mix a bit of liquor in with the blood? For the record, I would call it a Bloody (Son of) Mary.

Diotrephes's picture
Tin-Man,

Tin-Man,

"Do I get to choose my own dipping sauce?"

Do you think you will like the blood more than the flesh? If you wait too long there will be more blood to drink and the flesh will probably get tough. Joseph of Arimathea waited until Jesus was dead so it wasn't a really fresh kill. By the time he got to the corpse the blood had congealed. You have to jump right on it to get the most benefit. Old Joe just got sick and died himself.

Tin-Man's picture
@Dio Re: "Do you think you

@Dio Re: "Do you think you will like the blood more than the flesh? If you wait too long there will be more blood to drink and the flesh will probably get tough."

Hmmm.... I suppose it depends on how the flesh is cooked. And maybe what type of liquor is used in the Bloody (Son of) Mary.... *scratching chin*... Meh, coin toss, I suppose. Oh, but definitely the young and tender baby Jesus. Certainly don't want some crusty, tough, dried out old meat that has been wandering around in the desert for a couple of decades or so.

catholicray's picture
@Diotrephes

@Diotrephes

Catholics literally do this all the time though. I’m not sure I follow?

Diotrephes's picture
catholicray,

catholicray,

"Catholics literally do this all the time though. I’m not sure I follow?"

They are just faking it. I'm talking about going actual cannibal, like in the zombie movies. That is what the Jesus character really said that that a person has to do if he wants eternal life. The church rital is just a memorial service. It does not give you eternal life.

So would you kill Jesus, drain and drink his hot sticky blood, and eat his still warm bloody flesh in order to gain eternal life?

Read John chapter 6 = https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john6&version=CEB;ERV;TLB;N...

catholicray's picture
I’m sorry but Sola Scriptura

@Diotrephes

I’m sorry but Sola Scriptura is a logical loop. If I don’t accept the interpretation of Protestants why in the world would I accept yours?

At the last supper Jesus broke bread gave it to His disciples saying, this is my body.

He also took the Chalice gave it to His disciples saying, this is my blood.

End of debate.

Transubstantiation means literal body and blood. Now you don’t believe it means anything but I do. That means I believe I am eating the literal flesh and drinking the literal blood. Only Roman Catholics get it right IF it is true.

Your requirements are met.

Diotrephes's picture
catholicray,

catholicray,

"Transubstantiation means literal body and blood. Now you don’t believe it means anything but I do. That means I believe I am eating the literal flesh and drinking the literal blood."

You are just a pretend vampire cannibal. In John chapter 6 the Jesus character told the people that they had to literally drink his blood and eat his physical corpse in order to gain eternal life. He did not tell them that they had the wrong conclusion.

In Luke 22:14-20 at the passover meal he gave his apostles wine and bread and told them to drink and eat it as a memorial to him. He did not tell them that they would gain eternal life from drinking wine and eating bread.

So will you answer this question? Would you physically kill Jesus, drain and drink his warm sticky blood, and eat his still warm flesh in order to gain eternal life in accordance with what he said in John chapter 6?

Select the answer:

1. Damn right I would.

2. Fuck no I wouldn't.

Drink and eat and live forever. Refuse and die. Your choice is #1 or #2.

catholicray's picture
@Diotrephes

@Diotrephes

See my previous post.

But let me tell you this. If Jesus was standing in front of me and I knew it was him and he commanded me to do what you described, then Jesus is getting ate.

Diotrephes's picture
catholicray,

catholicray,

" If Jesus was standing in front of me and I knew it was him and he commanded me to do what you described, then Jesus is getting ate."

See, that wasn't so hard. As it says in Matthew 7:26-27(ERV) = 26 “Whoever hears these teachings of mine and does not obey them is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 It rained hard, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house. And it fell with a loud crash.”

Remember, the Bible is all about complete obedience and total loyalty. It doesn't matter what you are told to do, you just have to obey without any back talk or questions. And if the fairy tale is true and you saw Jesus on Judgment Day he may not ask you to do that since you already know that is what he commanded you to do right now. So you know the rule. When you see him you are to kill him, drain and drink his blood, and eat his warm flesh. That could be your final exam. And it's not like he's going to stay dead. He pops right up after you've done the deed.

Or it could all be a practical joke on you. Remember, it says in Ezekiel 20:25 (ERV) = "25 So I gave them laws that were not good. I gave them commands that would not bring life."

You ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil so you know about it as much as God himself knows = Genesis 3:22 (ERV) ="22 The Lord God said, “Look, the man has become like us—he knows about good and evil. And now the man might take the fruit from the tree of life. If the man eats that fruit, he will live forever.”

Since you know the difference between good and evil why would you think it's a good think to kill someone, drain and drink his blood, and eat his flesh to gain eternal life when you have no idea what kind of eternal life you will gain?

I wouldn't be comfortable around you because you may start hearing voices in your head and go zombie on me.

Cognostic's picture
Jesus was kind and peaceful,

Jesus was kind and peaceful, I heard "Prince of Peace." Atheists do not eat their own kind.

Diotrephes's picture
Cognostic,

Cognostic,

"Jesus was kind and peaceful, I heard "Prince of Peace.""

The Jesus character is a homicidal maniac who will throw your ass into the fire if you don't believe in him.

Cognostic's picture
@Diotrephes

@Diotrephes
Besides that he was Jewish. We only eat Christian babies.

Diotrephes's picture
Cognostic,

Cognostic,

"We only eat Christian babies."

Christian babies are only good for snacks. You don't get eternal life from eating them. You have to eat the Jesus character for that. Now go walk across the ocean to Australia to repent for getting it wrong.

Cognostic's picture
@Diotrephes

@Diotrephes
Damn! Crusty ole fart. No wonder wafers of Jesus stick to the roof of your mouth. The piss-head has been dead for 2000 years. I wonder........ Can we just mix in our bits of flesh and blood with a bit of spicy guacamole? That should keep it from sticking to the roof of my mouth/.

Sheldon's picture
"Can we just mix in our bits

"Can we just mix in our bits of flesh and blood with a bit of spicy guacamole? That should keep it from sticking to the roof of my mouth/."

Not a bad idea, I reckon nothing would entice me to celebrate Easter with a tasteless wafer and wine that is barely 2%, but the risible nonsense of the Eucharist certainly could not be made any worse for having a few tasty dips available?

catholicray's picture
@Cognostic

@Cognostic

I’m afraid you can’t have guacamole with Jesus. Sorry.

Cognostic's picture
@catholicray: fuck!

@catholicray: fuck!

Sheldon's picture
Cognostic "Jesus was kind and

Cognostic "Jesus was kind and peaceful, I heard "Prince of Peace." Atheists do not eat their own kind."

Atheism doesn't condone slavery either, Jesus did, and for once the bible is definitive, at least on this point.

Diotrephes's picture
Sheldon,

Sheldon,

"Atheism doesn't condone slavery either, Jesus did, and for once the bible is definitive, at least on this point."

According to the biblical fairy tale Gentiles will be slaves to the Jews in Israel. So, since Jesus was a Jew, it was only natural for him to support slavery.

Isaiah 14:1-2 (CEB) = "The Lord will have compassion on Jacob, will again choose Israel, and will give them rest in their own land. Immigrants will join them, and attach themselves to the house of Jacob. 2 The peoples will take them and will bring them to their own place. The house of Israel will possess them as male and female slaves in the Lord’s land, making captives of their captors and ruling their oppressors."

Cognostic's picture
@Diotrephes:

@Diotrephes:
Oh good, that will give me something to do when I retire and get to the fucking "Lord's Land." I have been wondering where my next stop will be..... "SLAVERY" Now there is something I have not tried before. Adventure awaits! :-)

Diotrephes's picture
Cognostic,

Cognostic,

"Oh good, that will give me something to do when I retire and get to the fucking "Lord's Land.""

The amazing thing about bull shit is that you yourself don't have to believe it but other people will and work to make it happen. Think about that passage and the sense of entitlement some people will get from it and how they will work to make it a reality. In the Jewish Babylonian Talmud the claim is that in the after life each Jew will get 2,800 Gentile slaves. Do you know any other fairy tales that say that you will become a slave to another ethnic group for eternity? So why do they have that claim in their fairy tales?

"Resh Lakish said: He who is observant of fringes will be privileged to be served by two thousand eight hundred slaves, for it is said, Thus saith the Lord of hosts: In those days it shall come to pass, that ten men shall take hold, out of all the languages of the nations shall even take hold of the skirt of him that is a Jew, saying, We will go with you, etc."
Shabbath 32b
http://www.come-and-hear.com/shabbath/shabbath_32.html

Cognostic's picture
@Resh Lakish: That sent me

@Resh Lakish: That sent me on a search. "Job never actually existed; he is only the imaginary hero of the poem, the invention of the poet" (Yer. Sotah 20d) He gets some stuff right. "Do not live in the neighborhood of an ignorant man who is pious" (ib.) Most of it just makes me laugh.

He dies over an argument about knives because his brother alludes to Resh's past life as a robber and will not let up. Resh goes insane and dies. A perfect ending. I will probably never use this reference again but I enjoyed the journey.

catholicray's picture
We are all still slaves. You

@Sheldon

We are all still slaves. You’re a slave of nature and biology with the addition of social structures, even the ones you disagree with. You can hide from the truth or embrace it. American slavery today isn’t too terrible. Still has flaws though. What’s the fundamental difference?

Sheldon's picture
" You’re a slave of nature

" You’re a slave of nature and biology "

Nature and biology are insentient, are you saying an omniscient deity is insentient?So a particularly silly comparison. Talk about tortured semantics, as I said, the bible is unequivocal on it's endorsement of slavery. You can do mental cartwheels to rationalise it if you like, but I have reason to make subjective assumptions here. Have a read of Exodus 21 while you're at it.

The morality is anachronistic, and this utterly refutes the idea that christianity offers objective morality.

Pages

Donating = Loving

Heart Icon

Bringing you atheist articles and building active godless communities takes hundreds of hours and resources each month. If you find any joy or stimulation at Atheist Republic, please consider becoming a Supporting Member with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of tea and a good dinner.

Or make a one-time donation in any amount.