Hello, everyone, I just signed up and this is my first post. I was raised in a very devout Pentecostal family. Ever since I was a child, I have always had a hard time blindly agreeing with whatever the preacher was saying. I always found myself incredibly bored in church, and frequently fell asleep in the middle of sermons. With all that being said, I still believed in god for only one reason, death. I have always been terrified by the reality that I will die, and if I don't, then I will go to hell. This is the one factor that has kept me from completely rejecting Christianity. The other thing that contributes to this fear is that I'm gay, and I'm sure everyone on this site knows what that means. I have had to listen to many Christians zealously state that gays will go to hell. I have tried to "pray the gay away" but it has never worked. I realized I couldn't change being gay. I found some relief after reading "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines, but after awhile I couldn't help but notice that his rationalizations only worked partially, that the bible stating that being gay is a sin is an unavoidable aspect of Christianity. I tried to keep my sexuality concealed, hoping this would still let me get into heaven, but It's so miserable to be trapped in the closet just to avoid being cast into hell. To make things even more complicated for me, my father passed away last August. Losing him was a very painful experience, and I desperately want to see him again. Even with my growing doubt on the existence of god, I still want to believe that there is an afterlife where I can be reunited with all my loved ones. However, I find it harder and harder to believe that such an afterlife exists. My question to all the atheists reading this is: how do you deal with the reality of death? Why doesn't the risk of going to hell instead of heaven not terrify you? What do you think happens after death?
P.S Thanks for letting me rant, I have been holding this in for a long time.
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