Shitty belief systems

44 posts / 0 new
Last post
Jared Alesi's picture
Shitty belief systems

Tauism: shit happens
Hinduism: this shit happened before
Islam: blow shit up
Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserved it
Judaism: why does shit always happen to me?
Buddhism: it is the illusion of shit happening
Atheism: no shit
Agnosticism: there may or may not be shit
Puritanism: shit won't happen if I work harder
Jainism: don't harm the shit
Rastafarian: smoke that shit
Baptist: shit happens, praise the Lord!
Pentecostal: talk shit
Nietzsche: become the shit
Calvinism: shit happens and you can't stop it
Polytheism: so much shit I lost count

Subscription Note: 

Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.

Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.

mykcob4's picture
That's some funny shit!

That's some funny shit!

Tin-Man's picture
I don't give a shit what

I don't give a shit what anybody believes as long as they keep their shit to themselves and don't try to push their shit on me.

mykcob4's picture
Holy shit! It's a miracle!

Holy shit! It's a miracle! Most people don't know shit from shinola!
Shite-Irish catholic.

DarkkWolfe's picture
Do you think it would be fair

Do you think it would be fair to include pop idol worship? As in: s/he IS the shit?

Tin-Man's picture
When the Pope takes a dump,

When the Pope takes a dump, is that considered a Holy Shit?

algebe's picture
Church of England: No shit

Church of England: No shit please, we're British.

Tin-Man's picture
Well, shit. I guess we are

Well, shit. I guess we are all in deep shit now. Because according to the bullshit we hear from all the different religions, we are all rowing up shit-creek without a single sheet of toilet paper, and we are gonna end up taking a bite out of a big shit sandwich that will be served to us by all the different gods we have been giving theists shit about over the years. Then those gods are gonna beat the shit out of us just for shits and giggles, until they get tired and bored as shit with that activity. And that is when the shit really hits the fan, because then we will get tossed into whatever shit-storm of a hell each god has devised, and I don't give a shit how tough as shit you think you may be, because that shit ain't gonna be fun. So, with that shit in mind, I suggest we all get our shit together before some omnipotent god takes a giant holy shit on our tiny little shit-for-brain heads, at which time we will find ourselves in a world of shit and be standing there looking stupid as shit thinking to ourselves, "How the hell did this shit happen?" Heed my warning, folks. I shit you not, this is some heavy shit.

DarkkWolfe's picture
I think the above paragraph

I think the above paragraph is evidence that we need to introduce another slang term for excrement into common usage, if only for variety's sake. lol

Aposteriori unum's picture
This op is full of shit. Like

This op is full of shit. Like a shitquake caused a shitnami of shitfire and it's heading right for the shitcoast.

chimp3's picture
Satanism: Scary shit!

Satanism: Scary shit!

Predeterminism: Shit out of luck!

Communism : Ran out of shit!

ʝօɦռ 6IX ɮʀɛɛʐʏ's picture
What about me?

What about me?

Nyarlathotep's picture
Full of shit?

Full of shit?

ʝօɦռ 6IX ɮʀɛɛʐʏ's picture
Already used by Aposteriori

Already used by Aposteriori Unum to describe the OP.

Tin-Man's picture
How about:

How about:

Don't talk no shit, won't be no shit. lol

Oh, jong! I meant, "Don't talk no jong, won't be no jong."

Jared Alesi's picture
Shit a la carte

Shit a la carte

mykcob4's picture
I just wish these people that

I just wish these people that can't decide if there is a god or not would shit or get off the pot!

Jared Alesi's picture
I agree with Dark. We need a

I agree with Dark. We need a new word for shit. Something quick and easy, preferably with one syllable. The best curses have one syllable.

algebe's picture
@Jared Alesi: "We need a new

@Jared Alesi: "We need a new word for shit."

The obvious candidates at present are "trump", and "moore".

Another is "jong" as in Kim Jong Un.

Jared Alesi's picture
What's funny about Moore is

What's funny about Moore is that he still won't concede. Yet again, he doesn't understand the meaning of the word "No".

bigbill's picture
trump is my president and to

trump is my president and to be so vulgar and smear his mane like that. Who are you to sit on his high horse and throw a stone what have you done with your life. At least he`s trying. The press and all sorts of media is out to impeach him. But I will say right here that they will all fail. you progressives are what is wrong with this political system you liberals have a real lack of seeing the truth. your for loose morals and higher taxes and a week military. that's why the USA is weak within. after what O bama did to this country over a course of eight long years. trump inherited a real mess alright.

mykcob4's picture
@agnostic believer (for the

@agnostic believer (for the moment)
FUCK TRUMP!
I served my country. Trump just spreads hate, molests women, doesn't pay his bill,s loves our enemies and dictators, denies facts and lies his ass off.
You're so fucked up. You don't know what the fuck you are talking about.
What a fucking idiot.
And Oh, BTW. Anybody can say whatever they want about the president. That is their right asshole!
FUCK TRUMP!!!

bigbill's picture
Nothing will come out of the

Nothing will come out of the Muller investigation which so far has cost taxpayers over 8 million dollars. Again you should be corrected by the moderator for your language!!!!!

mykcob4's picture
There are already two fucking

There are already two fucking convictions in the Russian investigation by Special counsel Mueller.
@ AG
You don't even know the man's name that is the special counsel.
You don't know a goddamned thing AG, not a goddamned thing, not a fucking thing!
You don't' even know why I can curse and you can't proselytize.
That is just fucking stupid of you!

Tin-Man's picture
Hmmm... Let's try Algebe's

Hmmm... Let's try Algebe's suggestion on for size.

I really don't give a trump what any of those trump-heads think because they are so full of bull-trump it is pouring out their ears. This I trump you not. You can take that trump to the bank.

Well, I have to admit, it IS different.

algebe's picture
I was walking down the street

I was walking down the street when I stepped in some dog-jong. I got jong all over my shoe. People who let their dogs jong in the street are real jong-heads.

Tin-Man's picture
Holy jong, Algebe. That's a

Holy jong, Algebe. That's a helluva tongue twister. No jong.

Tin-Man's picture
@Algebe. Re: Jong tongue

@Algebe. Re: Jong tongue twister

After much consideration, I have decided Jong should be the winner for shit substitute. (Personal opinion.) It's just so much funnier saying jong when talking jong to somebody. Imagine laughing so hard you jong your pants. Or get mad at somebody and tell them you'll rip their head off and jong in their neck. Yeah, I would probably jong myself if I ever heard a drill sergeant yell that at a recruit.

bigbill's picture
your language here is simply

your language here is simply terrible; Things do happen to all of us in this path of life, that`s just the way it is.no reason though to blame GOD Where to look deep inside ourselves first before we cast the stone at someone else.

Jared Alesi's picture
Grow a sense of humor

Grow a sense of humor

Tin-Man's picture
@AB. Re: Blaming god

@AB. Re: Blaming god

Hey, AB! How ya been holding up, buddy? Nice of you to join us in this little oasis of word-play. Take a moment here to cut loose a little bit. Crack a joke or two and lighten up a bit, dude. Pretty sure everyone here is curious to see what type of humor skills you have. And please do not worry about possibly offending somebody. Pretty sure we have that covered already. lol Seriously, though, you should try to relax a little. Really. As for our blaming god for anything, I do hope you see the irony in that statement. Why would we blame something on somebody/something in which we do not believe? Wouldn't make much sense, would it? Anyway, like I said, since you are here, tell us a joke or funny story. C'mon, man, humor me a bit. For real.

Pages

Donating = Loving

Heart Icon

Bringing you atheist articles and building active godless communities takes hundreds of hours and resources each month. If you find any joy or stimulation at Atheist Republic, please consider becoming a Supporting Member with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of tea and a good dinner.

Or make a one-time donation in any amount.