In 2016, over a 60 day period, my mom passed away, my marriage ended after 25 years together, I had a heart attack that came within a whisper of ending my life, my sister found out she had advanced lung cancer, and my longest-term friend had a stroke and would never again be the brilliant confidant I'd known and loved for over 40 years.
Needless to say, I was at a real low point in life. So what was the super helpful advice I received from my dad at my darkest moment when I told him it almost seemed like more than I could bear?!? Right. You guessed it. He said, "Just remember that God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Now of all the ridiculous absurdities that Christians utter throughout their entire lifetimes, I think this particular one stands head and shoulders above the rest and they repeat it ad nauseam. I like to think they wouldn't say such things if they would just consider a couple of these hard-to-miss, extremely relevant facts:
* Approximately 3,000 people commit suicide every DAY worldwide, which works out to more than 1,000,000 people per year. Every year! Obviously, God gave them more than they could handle.
* Approximately 500,000 people are murdered worldwide every year and untold millions die from malnutrition and starvation. Again, obviously, God gave them more than they could handle.
As a matter of fact, every person in the history of the world that has ever died, which is, of course, billions and billions of people, God OBVIOUSLY gave them more than they can handle!! I mean, what genius comes up with this stuff?!? And how are these pointless platitudes even the least bit comforting to anyone with even half a brain?
Ok. That's it. That's my rant for the day.
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Jimmy - just remember, Jesus loves you and we as humans can't understand the mind of God. God has a plan for you. Your mother is in a better place now.
Don't forget the always fun "God doesn't make mistakes" speech; in my case, given to me by someone who's had p̶l̶a̶s̶t̶i̶c elective cosmetic surgery.
@Jimmy Neutron: RE: "God does not give you more than you can handle."
I guess you got off lucky. Your father could have said a whole lot more stupid shit ... Like: "Jesus loves you and we as humans can't understand the mind of God. God has a plan for you. Your mother is in a better place now."
I just wrote in a thread that addressed the very issue of suddenly finding yourself alone and cited many of the same events that you also cited. "THIS IS THE REALITY OF LIFE." Wrapping your head around it can only lead to a more healthy personality. We are here for a short time and then we are not here any longer. It's only sad when you have wasted your entire life on fantasy. You seem to have a good grasp on things. Hang in there and find something that amazes you every day.
Thanks, Cog. Yeah, this was 3 years ago and I've come a long way since then, but it just always stuck in my craw what he said to me that day. The funny thing is that he knows I'm an atheist and even told me right up front that I wasn't going to like what he had to say, but then went ahead and said it anyway. That's part of the reason it irritated me as much as it did. I'm totally supposed to respect his religious views, of course, but he has no respect whatsoever for my non-religious views. Typical of Christians, I know, but no less infuriating, right?
@Jimmy Neutron: Your dad's assertion was stupid and non-falsifiable. Imagine what would have happened had you died or killed yourself. "Well" dad would say. "God has a plan." You would be dead and dad would still feel justified in his belief. You survive and of course his god never gave you more than you could handle. IT'S ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!
It really is! It's just so hard for me to understand why so many very smart people believe such very dumb things. It's the one thing I don't think I'll ever truly comprehend or be able to come to terms with.
@Jimmy Neutron;
.
I empathise;, I was taught that horse shit at the Catholic boys school I attended.
My own misfortunes of a very similar nature were spread over 25 years. I'm a life long depressive. If I had to endure the depth of your anguish in such a short period, I doubt I would have survived.
I admire your courage.
Thanks, Cranky. I truly appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not sure there was a whole lot of courage involved. It seemed more like a no-other choice, grueling endurance test than anything else! I just slogged my way through it every day until it finally went from miserable to awful and has now settled in to mostly tolerable. I wish you the best with your challenges and struggles as well. We'll get there. We got this! Piece of cake, right?
@Jimmy Neutron: WELL, you know Jimmy, "God works in mysterious ways.;" Now, excuse me. As sarcastic as that was, I have an overwhelming urge to wash my mouth out with soap. BRB.
Jimmy Neutron, your dad loves you, and tried to comfort you. The problem is that since he is so theistic, he could not draw on any good quotes outside of religion, and dropped that truckload of manure on your head. He did not intend to hurt you, his intention was sincere comforting.
You dad was not wrong, his religious indoctrination was wrong.
The flaw in his reasoning is that if you survive and remain sane, then the statement "god doesn't give you more than you can handle" holds. But if you go insane or perish, then theists mutter "he was a good man, and we will meet in heaven". No matter how things play out, they have constructed a win/win argument.
Which is bullshit, but hey, we are talking about religion.
Yes, David Killens, I understand what you're saying about his response because I had the same religious indoctrination and I realize that he was just trying to help. So I do cut him some slack because I clearly recognize that his intent and motives were loving and his heart was in the right place. But what made it so incredibly frustrating for me was the fact that for one of the VERY few times in my life, I was actually trying to open up to him and have a real conversation with him about something important to both of us. He knew how much I was hurting and I knew how much he was hurting from losing my mom, his wife of 62 years. But he also knew where I stand on religion, which I have made abundantly clear and we had both agreed just not to 'go there'. So when he pulled that out of his ass and laid it on me at that crucial time, I just felt really disappointed, let down and angry. In retrospect, yeah, maybe that's the best he could do under the circumstances, but I don't think so. The post was actually meant to point out how non-helpful it is to have to hear Christian platitudes that are completely nonsensical and meaningless when compassion and empathetic conversation would go so much further. Anyway, thanks for the kind words.
@David Killens: "David with the great psychological insight!" 100% agree!
@Jimmy Neutron:
As platitudes go, "God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle" is about as comforting as as a lead life jacket.
I prefer "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" (Nietsche).
Another good one is "You are at your best when things are worst". I thought that was by Churchill, but apparently it's from the "Starman" movie.
But my all-time favorite is by Will Rogers: "The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you."
It's up to us to handle it, is what I've observed. I did a hell of a lot of praying way back when but it was all on me, the people around me, and natural causes.
Quick question here. What the hell is up with all the name changes over the last 24 hours??? Has the site been hacked or something?