am I being awful?

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reiannalauren's picture
am I being awful?

alright, so I was raised very religious and partook in it wholeheartedly for the better part of my life. I haven't believed in god for probably a couple years now, maybe close to three, but have recently become completely comfortable with being an atheist and will talk about it to anyone who will listen. however, I've noticed that I've become more and more critical of the religious people around me (aka, literally everyone I know) and some of it is getting hard to stomach.

for example, I go out to eat with a group of friends every week, and usually we avoid religion as they are all Christians (in some form) and I am not. they all know I also do not put up with any type of racism/homophobia/sexism/religious bullshit or anything of the like. and yet last night my best friend kept bringing up god, and even told some racist and sexist jokes, knowing how much I hate that shit. if I said anything back to her concerning religion and atheism, everyone looked at me as if I had done something wrong. later that night, one of them texted me and told me I should respect people's beliefs and not question it.

I feel like my atheism and how much I hate any type of bigotry (as in, one time I was hanging out with some people and someone told a rape joke and I literally got in my car and left) is so radical to them that they can't help but poke at it. but if I push back, I'm the bad guy.

am I in the wrong? should I just let it slide, and never bring it up? or maybe only if someone asks me specifically? am I being too over the top about it?

I've honestly never met another atheist in my entire life and hardly know anyone that isn't hateful and/or a bigot in some way (I live in the backwoods in Texas, if that puts it into perspective), so I'm not 100% sure how to handle it.

thanks for taking the time to read this!

- Ray

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solidzaku's picture
Honestly, you need to

Honestly, you need to question whether or not these people actually are your friends, if they're willing to belittle and harass you like that. You might need to redefine your definition of friendship if you think you have to put up with someone who makes you feel like that on a regular basis.

Me personally? I have more or less the exact opposite of a filter (the Navy will do that to you), and most of my friends know and accept that half the jokes I tell them would make Anton LaVey cringe in his seat, but they are my friends because, among other reasons, they find those sorts of things funny. If I couldn't stop making cracks at people who couldn't be around that sort of language, they probably wouldn't be friends with me. Likewise, I have a few friends that I know are sensitive to certain kinds of jokes that other friends I have aren't. I go by the highest common denominator on that and use humor that is as offensive as the whole is comfortable with. If I chose not to, and deliberately made jokes to put down that other person? Under whose definition would I be that person's friend? I'd be a bully.

Redefine. Reexamine. Reintegrate. Most of us who deprogrammed had to at some point. And yes, it was an ABSOLUTE pain the arse, but I feel happy with the circle of people I associate with. You have the right to pursue happiness like anybody else, so do it!

Nyarlathotep's picture
Ray - "one time I was hanging

Ray - "one time I was hanging out with some people and someone told a rape joke and I literally got in my car and left"

Good for you Ray. I generally recommend caution when dealing with theists, but if you are in a situation where you can do these things safely, great!

doubleAtheist's picture
Just get out of texas haha..

Just get out of texas haha.. Move to a blue state, i live in Illinois and i have a few atheist friends :)

CyberLN's picture
If one just lets the comments

If one just lets the comments and jokes go by, change will likely not happen. IMO, it's the shit disturbers who are actually the real peace makers.

mykcob4's picture
NEVER let it slide. Bigotry

NEVER let it slide. Bigotry must be stopped in it's tracks! It's not "disrespectful" of anyone to point out THEIR disrespect of others. We have let things "slide" for too long. Now people(christians) think that they have a right to be racist.

reiannalauren's picture
thanks for the replies!

thanks for the replies!

yeah, I mean people can talk all day long about their religion, or about god or whatever, but if I say "god's not real" or mention my atheism, it's seen as disrespectful. and since I never get to talk about it, I never know where the actual line is between simple conversation and actual disrespect.

mykcob4's picture
How can it be disrespectful

How can it be disrespectful to tell someone that there is no god? You are doing that person a service. People that want to talk about a god think that they are doing you a service but don't see how it is equally a service if you tell them there is no god. No this is a case where christians and theist think that their belief is superior to everything else and that your personal individual freedoms are worth nothing when it comes to THEIR FUCKING IDEALISM!

tskowronek's picture
Short time lurker, first time

Short time lurker, first time poster...

In general discussions, I shy away from claims such as "there is no god" as I think it will make anybody who may be questioning to close up. And because I don't know. But I'm as sure as I could be with the evidence (or lack thereof) given. If it's just an informal talk and the subject comes up, I'll make a couple of comments like, "The idea of a god just doesn't ring true", or "I don't see how X is justified, looking in the bible". If it goes on, I'll go to "But there really isn't any evidence for those claims" and talk about how contradictions and how it seems that believers tend to be at least as hypocritical as everyone else. I try not to be confrontational or agressive, putting most comments in a question. But if "true religion", personal relationship with god", you'll find out you're wrong when you die", etc. the gloves come off. I was raised Catholic, and majored in Religious Studies in college, even though I was an atheist by then. The responses I get from saying that the bible says faith is a gift from god have to be the most entertaining.

Seenyab4's picture
Honestly, I don't get why

Honestly, I don't get why telling a racist joke is offensive. It's just a joke. People can make jokes that they don't actually mean and I don't necessarily condemn them for it. If anything the idea that we separate ourselves based on color SHOULD be laughed at in my opinion. Now intentionally racist remarks, such as, "I believe all black people should be slaves," is blatantly wrong, but what's the harm in laughing at color?

algebe's picture
Humor's a powerful weapon,

Humor's a powerful weapon, Seenyab4. I'd rather target it at things people can change and need to change, like religion and politics, rather than things they can't change, like race, gender, height, etc.

Seenyab4's picture
Sure we can't change race,

Sure we can't change race, but we can change oppression against races. I agree that humor is a powerful weapon, because it shows things for their face value. At face value, oppression is a silly thing that we have done since the beginning of man for no good reason.

That one guy's picture
Honestly I am a fan of any an

Honestly I am a fan of any an all jokes. I feel like if you are a person who says "(insert controversial statement)" can't be funny you are way too uptight. Because you can make just about anything funny if you spin it right. Aside from that I think a lot of jokes trivialize their topics. For example making a racist joke going haha this race does that one funny thing they do, it makes you realize how silly it is to think that way. Triviality can go the other way too, and make things that are serious problems seem trivial. However I feel a lot of people need to realize its just a joke.

Now I could see people making racist jokes un-ironically and that would make me pretty upset. I've seen that. Now I'm a pretty white looking guy. And I was hanging with this dude and he started spouting off some hateful shit about blacks and hispanics. I felt so incredibly insulted, not even cause my mother is a as dark as you can get peruvian who's first language was spanish, but because he wanted to include me in his racism. No you keep your hateful shit to yourself and don't even come near me with that. I mention that because I remember he dropped a few jokes in between his ranting and it was one of the few times I didn't take it with a grain of salt. I was not amused.

Seenyab4's picture
I agree, it's just one of

I agree, it's just one of those things that varies from situation to situation. Your example is harsh and racist, but if you go to a comedy show to be entertained and hear a few racist jokes, that's another story. But so many people these days get so easily offended because they often don't look at the context of things. You can say racist things and NOT be racist, as weird as it sounds.

Pitar's picture
Atheism breaks friendships,

Atheism breaks friendships, usually, when going public with it.

People need to know there's some higher purpose that accepts them for who they are. That was the motivation for creating the so-called benevolent gawd in the first place when Paul, a suppressed homosexual, promoted it over Yahweh because he knew the latter did not accept gay people. He was relieved that he would find salvation in the gawd of the nazarene and converted to it. He, almost single-handedly, lofted the personage of jesus and gawd into history. There were other contributors of the cult's early writings using the names Matthew, Luke, Peter and Mark (nazarene cult members) but Paul was the chief instigator of what we know now as the biblical story.

My point? Your friends (dude, lose them) do no wrong in a benevolent gawd belief system. They can be bigoted one moment and seek absolution from it another - kitchen pass every time - so believing in gawd has its perks. Like Paul (above) his Yahweh sin was being a homosexual. Under the nazarene gawd, he was already forgiven for it. Your atheism does not recognize such a system of double-standard fallaciousness, and it shouldn't. That said, right out of the bible we have Leviticus -

20-13 "If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

The bible wasn't around when Paul created the jesus and gawd myths in his own time. The contributors writing under Leviticus came a few hundred years later. Had such a writing been published before Paul's time the odds of there being a biblical story at all are - wild guess - slim to none.

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