This is my first post and actually the first time I’ve ever reached out to other atheists. I was raised Southern Baptist but gave up Christianity a few months ago, right after I turned 30. I was sincere in my faith but I’m a teacher, and I’ve always been naturally curious. It only took a few hours of honest research and reading the works of secular scholars to change my mind.
I had always felt that modern evangelicals were just doing Christianity wrong. The God I knew could not have been a murderous, sexist, homophobic, anti-science bigot. However, after a closer inspection of the Bible, I see now that I was wrong. All this time I had been applying my own morality to my view of God.
Each day I make a new discovery about the way my former religion effected me. I felt it was my duty to always give and sacrifice for others and ignore my own happiness. I felt tremendous guilt when I told others no, or when I showed any assertiveness. After all, God was watching and keeping score. The idea of one day standing before God and having to rewatch all my mistakes, “on a big movie screen” as my former preacher used to say, was absolutely horrifying. I lacked confidence and self-esteem, because I was just a sinner that would fall short of my religion’s ridiculous expectations everyday.
Letting go of these ideas has helped me become a stronger, happier woman. My happiness is important and I’m not innately flawed.
I now work in a high school in the rural south. I can’t speak openly about my atheism, but it is now my duty to help young girls rise above the shame and guilt put on them by their beliefs and the many religious authorities in their lives. Any advice about what helped others overcome this psychological oppression would be appreciated.
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RE: The God I knew could not have been a murderous, sexist, homophobic, anti-science bigot. However, after a closer inspection of the Bible, I see now that I was wrong.
We consistently tell theists who visit the site that the surest way out of faith is to simply sit down and read the Bible. A book of utter and complete insanity with a bit of moral dictates sprinkled about to give it an air of authority.
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RE: "The idea of one day standing before God and having to rewatch all my mistakes, “on a big movie screen” as my former preacher used to say, was absolutely horrifying. I lacked confidence and self-esteem, because I was just a sinner that would fall short of my religion’s ridiculous expectations everyday."
The psychological pain inflicted on the believing is utterly and completely amoral. Your years of suffering are not anything to hold you back. The suffering you did was the way you survived. It was just the best way you knew how to get along. Never be hard on yourself. Give yourself credit for the escape. Some people never get out. Welcome to the real world. Join the forums and learn. Education in the bane of religion.
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RE: " I can’t speak openly about my atheism, but it is now my duty to help young girls rise above the shame and guilt put on them by their beliefs and the many religious authorities in their lives."
I hope you truly understand with your mind and heart how much they need that.
I have a story floating around about my last girlfriend's oldest daughter beginning her period. They live in the Philippines.
Short version: The 13 year old girl had her first ministration and the grandmother forbid her to take a shower. The fucking asshole told her that the blood was dirty. My GF at the time would not stand up to the grandmother until I FUCKING WENT INTO A RAVING RANT ON THE GOD DAMN PHONE. An hour later the girl was able to take a shower, I congratulated her on becoming a woman. And everyone had cake and ice cream to celebrate. I WAS so fucking pissed and these religious idiots. Since then, both the daughter and the cousin who is 2 years younger have received "The Teen Age Body Book" and both are encouraged to ask questions. The oldest one took it to school with her and I thought that was going to be a problem as it is a religious school. Apparently her teacher is an amazing person. She was completely impressed with the book and asked her where she got it. Books like that are not sold in the Philippines. Even though I am no longer dating the mother, after 5 years, I hope the impact on the girls lives was positive. THERE IS NO REASON TO GO THROUGH LIVE BEING SO xxxxx IGNORANT ABOUT OUR OWN BODIES.
Thank you for the encouragement. I really appreciate being able to talk about the destructiveness of Christianity openly. There are very few people willing to think critically about faith.
Coming out of religion is like waking up from a trance. Then comes the painful realization that everyone around you is still really f***ing crazy. I can’t tell you how strange and moronic Christianity sounds to me now. Why did I beg a 2000 year old Jewish zombie to help me on my math tests? Then I studied anyway and gave that jerk credit when I did well. No wonder I had self-esteem issues, I never gave myself credit for my accomplishments.
I completely relate to your experience with your former girlfriend’s daughter. Yesterday I spent my entire lunch break talking with one of my best students. She is 16 and so intelligent, kind and positive. She dresses in jeans and a t-shirt everyday. That morning, her fundamentalist father told her that she was a slut and a harlot for wearing fitted jeans! I was absolutely floored. He could not have a better child and this is how he treats her! In Christian culture, it doesn’t matter how good of a person you are, ultimately God thinks everybody he created is garbage worthy of eternal damnation. So I suppose it’s not shocking that this dad treats his daughter the same way.
I told her that while he was trying to protect her, he was absolutely wrong. She can’t grow up thinking that this is how men are supposed to treat women. I told her that she defines herself and a big part of growing up is realizing that authority figures are not always right.
The Kids are lucky to have you around. An intelligent woman is an amazing gift to a little girl learning about her life as a woman and body.
Congratulation Sunray. So you are a teacher? Cool, you have every reason to be proud of this noted accomplishment. It takes brains, the determination to work hard, and empathy to arrive in the postition you are in.
I wish to take a moment to applaud your stellar character and accomplishment.
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Education
That is one valid method you can use.
My wife works in a school as an educational child worker, but that is in practice a therapist and psychologist. Last week she ran across a young lady in extreme distress, crying frantically. On inquiry she discovered that this young lady had her first menstrual period. The poor child was ashamed, confused, and suffering extreme guilt because she came from a very theistic family that opposed sex eductation in schools.
My wife took her to a quiet room, calmed her down, and then told her about the female reproductive system. She also told her that every female went through the very same experience, what happened to her was what every young lady experiences.
She educated this young lady, and that new knowledge was a method to reduce (by a large factor) the guilt and confusion.
SunRay, please tread carefully. You are aware that coming out as an atheist could be the death-blow to your career. But please make sure that if you try something as I described, make sure you never step over the line and break any guidelines within your school system.
Knowledge is the key to personal power and esteem. And knowledge is the bane of religion because religion is happy only when everyone is completely ignorant.
@David Killens: FUCK YOU DAVE. You prejudice piece of shit. I'm a teacher and you never complement me like that. That's it dude. WE ARE DONE. You can just go and play with Tin Man and Old man. And Give me back that cookie.
Oh.... and I am in Love with your wife. What a great lady. I am also the counselor for all International English speaking students (about 150) at the University I work for and run into situations like this on occasion. I have ended up doing very similar things; however, I am male and generally try to shift the session to a female counselor if possible or at the very least, have a female present. The female counselors all speak Korean and that is not very good for the English speaking clients who happen to be female. Anyway, this stuff happens more regularly than can be imagined.
I admire anyone that can sit down and have an open and honest discussion with a young confused teen. It is an absolute shame more parents can not do it.
I second David's warning regarding ruining your career if you decide to come out as an atheist in the rural south. As unfortunate as it is, it is a reality that many people in this country have to face. Your students are lucky to have you in their lives. You may possibly be their one and only source of information that will NOT try to shove religious answers down their throat when they're curious. I would suggest to keep them curious and continually searching for new knowledge without explicitly mentioning atheism. Good Luck!