How do I cope with this?

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Paul Hugo's picture
How do I cope with this?

First off I would just like to say that I'm 16 and I've been heavily atheist for a few months now and stopped being a Christian for a few years already. Both my parents and my brother are heavy Christians.

I've told my parents when I doubted Christianity and that I didn't feel comfortable going to church at that moment. They still forced me to go. When I told them that I was atheist and I hated the church, christiany etc. they still forced me to go to church. They constantly tell me to respect them when they don't respect me in the slightest. I hate having religion forced upon me and I'm really beginning to hate my parents as well.

I'm pretty sure that our relationship will be doomed. Anyway, the reason I'm posting this is to ask for any help with coping with my problems. Catechism is also coming up next year for me (catechism is where you spend an additional hour every week when your 17 to spend one on one time with your preacher). Our preacher is a nice person and I don't want to offend him when I tell him that I don't believe in that crap (I'm also hoping he'll convince my parents to stop forcing me to go to church). In South Africa your 11th Grade exam is the one that counts for university application, so REALLY don't want to waste even more time in the church

So yeah, what I'm asking for is advice to cope with my parents, how to tell my preacher that I don't believe in his shit and general advice for someone who's atheist with heavily religious parents.

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TW Duke's picture
You're sixteen.You'll be on

To cope with your parents I would find comfort in knowing you'll be on your own soon enough. At sixteen you might feel like the day can't come soon enough but your day will come. Make plans to accomplish this. I don't think you really hate your parents. It's more likely you hate being answerable to them. You say the preacher's a nice guy. That really has nothing to do with our circumstances. Tell him how strongly you feel about the dogma he preaches and that it doesn't speak to you. Not his failing...the dogma's. Convince him of the futility of having you participate. Hope this a bit helpful.

Zaphod's picture
I honestly don't think

I honestly don't think talking to the priest will do anything to help you and stands a chance to make your life more difficult. If you don't mind running this risk and like to have misery as company go for it, you may end up with the added stress of having a priest along with your parents adding to your stress. The choice is yours but you are not going to change the outlook of a man who has decided to dedicate his life to the church, if there ever was religious tea he drank it. Part of being an atheist is being the better person, if you don't like the views of others pushed on you in a way that make you feel uncomfortable then it stands to reason you should not push your views on others in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Patience, it will all be over soon. If I were you I would take this opportunity to learn all you can about Catholicism in Catechism it may turn out to be quite handy for you one day, I know it seems tough now but it will all be over soon.

While you still live with your parents you should respect their wishes, you say that they don't respect you but in fact they might just not in the way you would like to be respected. They probably feel it is still their job to raise you at 16 and want to do the best job they can at doing that. To them that means making you go to church. Honestly as Catholics when they choose to have you baptized they made an oath to raise within the best of their ability in the Catholic faith. You can take this three ways reasonable ways, they care about you not going to Hell which they believe in, they are trying their damnedest to keep their promise which is at least in their opinion the morally responsible thing to do, or both. They probably hope you will change your outlook. As Duke says, "I would find comfort in knowing you'll be on your own soon enough. At sixteen you might feel like the day can't come soon enough but your day will come. Make plans to accomplish this."

I feel for you, I once felt like you did when I was your age even but now that I am twice your age and can only say that for one more year even though it means nothing as far as wisdom is concerned since I have met many much older people who have way less wisdom than you do, what I do have is life experience and I still go to church with my mom from time to time just to make her happy even though though my atheist mindset has not changed it doesn't take to much time in the grand scheme of things and church is shortly over. Just keep in mind your mind is your own and nobody can tell you what to believe, however those who do not keep their mind open to the beliefs of others are closed-minded so respect that others have different beliefs and feel free to keep your own opinion with an open- mind, don't ignore the beliefs of others because that leads to ignorance and then stupidity along with intolerance which is the result of many of the problems atheist have with deities.

Paul Hugo's picture
Yeah, I guess waiting is my

Yeah, I guess waiting is my only option, but thanks for your insight Zaphod and DW Luke, I think it will go a long way.

Henry Plantagenet's picture
I would say, ask the preacher

I would say, ask the preacher forhelp in talking to your parents, and perhaps try the guidance counselor at school too -- play the education card, you want to focus on studies etc. And build up a support system that doesn't involve your parents -- sounds like you may need it. Find other atheists in your community if you can.

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