Hi fellow atheist,
I am wondering how you deal/dealt with the fear of disappointing people once they realize you are no longer Christian/religious.
A bit of context. I walked away Christianity a year ago when I migrated to another country. However, family members and church folks from my origin country don’t know I am atheist.
I don’t plan on coming out publicly as I don’t feel it is needed at the moment. But I have this fear of disappointing people once they learn I am an atheist because in my past I was this bible thumping conservative Christian super moralism bigot judging everybody that didn’t subscribe to the biblical interpretation of my church. Over the time I became more liberal and thus walked away from christianity.
I think one day when I visit my origin country, people will realize and I fear that they will be disappointed that I am no longer “that fervent Christian”. I fear more the church folks/friends as my family is quite okay and don’t go to any church.
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@Oten: Disappointing people is not your responsibility.
Think about what you are asking. You are in the hospital with a life threatening disease. You have been in bed your whole life. The nurses and doctors. who are your care takers. have done everything for you. Then one day you begin to get better. You grasp a spoon and begin to feed yourself. You don't ring for the bedpan and instead manage to make it to the bathroom on your own. Day by day your are getting better and better. You begin grooming yourself and taking a shower on your own. Finally. your recovery is so successful that you are ready to leave the hospital. You are ready to get out into the world and stretch your legs. You are ready to begin facing life on the outside, but. you are so worried about disappointing the nurses and doctors that you continue to pretend you are sick.
What are the going to do when you tell them you no longer need their help, Are they just going to say good bye and forget you. Will they hate you for your success. Will some of them keep in touch? Even if you are really really nice to them, are they going to reject you, tell you to get out of their lives because you no longer need them?
All we are talking about here is a change in relationship status. You do not stop loving them. You do not stop thanking them for all they have done. They do not become bad people simply because you no longer think like them. You continue loving them. You continue respecting them. The ones that can not see beyond the walls they have build around themselves. The ones that refuse to see you as anything but a patient, must be let go for your own mental health. You can not take them with you on this new journey. You must live your life now and they will continue living theirs. It will be unfortunate it they are disappointed, however. their disappointment just isn't your responsibility.
Let people know how much you missed them, the town, the things you used to do. And then you simply say you have changed. If their reaction is negative, simply agree with them. "Well you can always pray for me." In the end, they have their life and you have yours, Your job is not to run around and make them happy when they are choosing to be unhappy.
No-one particularly cares what I believe tbh I didn't have anything like a interesting religious family background to rebel against so it was all really very boring. To cause controversy in my own family I'd have to openly convert to Christianity, or Islam if I wanted to go the extra mile.
@Oten Re: "How you deal with the fear of coming out and disappointing people?"
Fear??? Why fear? For starters, it is really nobody's business what I believe about religion, as far as I'm concerned. Just like it is none of my business what somebody else believes. (Providing, of course, they are not in favor of harming me or others based on their belief.) And unless I am directly asked about it, I typically have zero urges to volunteer that type of info. But if I do happen to let a person know I am an atheist, it is not MY problem if that person gets upset or "disappointed". Tough shit for them. They can go home and cry themselves to sleep over it, for all I care. Furthermore, if a person (family, friend, or otherwise) refuses to accept me for who I am, then apparently I really don't need that person in my life anyway. Really not all that complicated... *shrugging shoulders*...
If you have conservative Christian or Muslim parents it could be much worse, you could be coming out as gay.