Jesus Is Coming

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thelargerbowl's picture
Jesus Is Coming

Well Adolf Shitler has killed a top Iranian, Soleimani. Not only was the timing suspicious, (distract from impeachment), but also has us heading off to another war by republicans.

Wait, it get's better....... the christians are shouting that this was all predicted in their book and that trump was hand picked by their god to fulfill their prophecy!

Where is that man I saw in the 70's on a street corner with a cardboard sign that claimed jesus was coming? He is almost 50 years late and probably dead!

Well aren't we lucky that we have their book, so we all know what is coming. I just wish it would have given the winning lottery numbers as well, as all of the combinations that I have used with 666 never seems to work.

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David Killens's picture
THUNK?

THUNK?

ThePurpleMessiah's picture
if there was a dating website

if there was a dating website, we would see like a bunch of accounts saying hi im from mumbay

Tin-Man's picture
Re: "Jesus is coming."

Re: "Jesus is coming."

Well it's about damn time! I mean, it's only been like - what? - two thousand years of foreplay? Holy shit! What does it take to finally get the guy off?

cranky47's picture
@thelargerbowl

@thelargerbowl

"Where is that man I saw in the 70's on a street corner with a cardboard sign that claimed jesus was coming? He is almost 50 years late and probably dead!"

Good point.

Christians hate it when it is pointed out that Christianity is actually just another failed millennial movement . The disciples expected Jesus to return in their life time,.He promised to do that, several times, saying he will return 'soon' .

When that didn't happen ,the church did some fancy foot work, and changed the second coming to some indeterminate time the future. It is rarely mentioned by Catholics and the 'mainstream protestant churches.'By 'mainstream', I mean those capable of abstract thought and who are not crippled by cognitive dissonance

Today it's only the minor Christian millennial sects ,such as Seventh Day Adventists an JW's who rabbit on about the second coming,.They continue to make prophesies based on the Book Of Revelations. Some evangelicals believe in "the rapture" but are vague about when that might be.

Many of those froot loops are always looking to the Middle East for signs and portents,. That's because of that bastion of concise, lucid thinking, from which they draw the inspiration for their constantly changing prophecies. (The Book Of Revelations")

Mutorc S'yriah's picture
Q. What is white and hangs in

Q. What is white and hangs in the sky ?

A. The coming of the Lord.

Doh !

Cognostic's picture
RE: "JESUS IS COMING." AW

RE: "JESUS IS COMING." AW FUCK! AGAIN?

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ThePurpleMessiah's picture
another war? HaAha you won't

another war? HaAha you won't last on politics duud
there was not any animosity and there will never be, it's just a show to fool us(while they're making heaven for themselves)
soleimani wasn't top, he killed 1500 iranians in november, bombed many villages in order(IN ORDER) to fight with drugs, made a massacre in a state just because of a movement, top?
while they're screaming death to america, his daughter has america green card, so we may pass through this and we might think if there is a jesus coming, he would be a young gunner with some playboy vibes

thelargerbowl's picture
It doesn't matter if

It doesn't matter if Soleimani was a good man or not! trump had no right to kill him, and did it because he has no impulse control. Maybe Iran should look at trump and act accordingly! I know a lot about politics, but one does not need to be educated to know that trump is unfit for office and a mentally unstable person, much like his base! Low IQ, evangelicals, hillbillies and racists are about the only ones who would support such a creaton!

David Killens's picture
I am Canadian, and live in

I am Canadian, and live in Toronto. 57 of those dead were Canadians, and over 40 came from the Toronto area. Who is responsible? Of course, the individuals who either pulled the trigger or put the air defense missile battery on auto. But make no mistake, if not for the tensions generated by Trump, they would all be alive today. And sadly, there is no reason or rhyme to his actions or motivations.

Cognostic's picture
Before Jesus can get to us,

Before Jesus can get to us, he must get half way to us. Before he can get half way to us, he must get half way to half way to us. Before he can get half way to half way. or a quarter of the way to us, he must get half way to a quarter of the way to us. Before he can get half way to a quarter of the way to us he must get half way to an eighth of the way to us, and so on and so on Ad infinitum; so he is on his way, he will never arrive.

Nyarlathotep's picture
Cognostic - Before Jesus can

Cognostic - Before Jesus can get to us, he must get half way to us. Before he can get half way to us, he must get half way to half way to us....and so on Ad infinitum; so he is on his way, he will never arrive.

Assuming your being sarcastic: that post really gave me a good chuckle. Since we've seen almost that exact argument from theists on this website many times.

FreeAtLast's picture
Man, I have been standing

Man, I have been standing outside now for 45 years just looking up at the sky! Waiting here with my suitcase packed through rain, snow, night, and day. Only break for food and potty. Neighbors kind of taking me as a bit strange now. I was told back in the beginning that he would arrive any minute now (1975). And, like a thief in the night, so nobody was gonna catch me napping let me tell you.

Anyone know what could be the problem? Maybe I misunderstood where he was arriving.

LogicFTW's picture
Jesus is hear, its trump jr.

Jesus is here, its trump jr.

Dont worry, we will elect tRump again, then he will install his son (jesus) as the next president/dictator. (Trump senior will be 78 and super senile by then.)

And yes, this makes tRump god. Didn'tChaAlreadyKnow? He certainly thinks he is god already, esp. if he gets re-elected again in nov. It will be a sign right?

Trump does more accurately fits the profile of the devil, but schematics amirite guys? Jesus, devil who knows, something is coming/here.

thelargerbowl's picture
The whole trump family are

The whole trump family are the worst people to ever be in the White House. He is the terrorist and the conservative base will try to give him a victory again. I think he finally pissed off putin though with his latest stunt!

The enemy of the free world is the gop and the low IQ fuckers that vote against their own self interests by electing such low life people.

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cranky47's picture
@thelargerbowl.

@thelargerbowl.

"The whole trump family are the worst people to ever be in the White House.'

That you know of---------

'We the people' were aware that Franklin Roosevelt was 'lame' ,but not that he was 'a cripple' (spent most of his time in wheel chair )
What do you reckon his chances would have been hiding that if TV was around then.?***

Donald Trump is the 45th president of the US . From Washington ,down to and including Kennedy, not all that much has been known about most presidents, certainly during their presidencies.

In line with American prejudices, I am willing to bet there have been presidents who were: Corrupt, atheist, gay, alcoholic, womanising, demented ,insane, and perhaps even the odd cross dresser. Yet only three have ever been impeached (Andrew Johnson, Bill Clinton and Donald Trump)

You may be right about the dysfunctional Trump family. However, I think it may be a smidge early to start hurling around superlatives

***information about FDR: Excellent documentary series 'The Roosevelts' on Netflix, .

thelargerbowl's picture
I don't see many differences

I don't see many differences in how trump started when comparing him to Hitler. And the people are following him just like they did Hitler.

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David Killens's picture
What is of concern is that

What is of concern is that Trump is making the same types of moves Hitler did to get installed in power.

cranky47's picture
@thelargebowl

@thelargebowl

"I don't see many differences in how trump started when comparing him to Hitler"

On the internet ,that's called 'Godwin's Law or "reductio ad Hitlerum"

Such comparisons tend to be facile and fatuous, as indeed it is to compare Donald Trump with Adolph Hitler.

Adolf hitler is known as one of the most evil men in history. He is responsible for millions of deaths, both in war and in the Holocaust

Some 'minor' evils :

Night Of the long knives, June 30--July 2 1934: Hitler personally took part in the systematic murder of hundreds of his political enemies. Such people along with Jews, Communists, Gays and Gypsies were later interred in hundreds of concentration camps, where MILLIONS died .

Then there were the Nuremberg Race Laws of 1935, which stripped Jews of their German citizenship. They could not work, teach anywhere, attend schools and universities, or own businesses . They could not even sit on a public bench. ,Oh yes they were also forced to wear The Star of David, to identify them as Jews. It was illegal for Jews and non Jews to marry or have sexual relations.

Kristallnacht Nov 9-10 1938: Orchestrated Nazi attack on Jewish businesses and Synagogues ---over 7000 businesses were destroyed, 1000 synagogues burned and 91 Jews murdered,. All insurance was paid to the state.

I won't even start on the Einsatzgruppen (look it up)

I respond as I have is because I think to make silly comparisons such as Trump with Hitler is to trivialise Hitler and the depth of his evil.

For goodness sake do some reading or even watch some documentaries about Hitler and his Third Reich

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"Godwin's law (or Godwin's rule of Hitler analogies)[1][2] is an Internet adage asserting that "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1";[2][3] that is, if an online discussion (regardless of topic or scope) goes on long enough, sooner or later someone will compare someone or something to Adolf Hitler or his deeds, the point at which effectively the discussion or thread often ends. Promulgated by the American attorney and author Mike Godwin in 1990,[2] Godwin's law originally referred specifically to Usenet newsgroup discussions.[4] It is now applied to any threaded online discussion, such as Internet forums, chat rooms, and comment threads, as well as to speeches, articles, and other rhetoric[5][6] where reductio ad Hitlerum occurs.

Godwin has stated that he introduced Godwin's law in 1990 as an experiment in memetics.[2]

In 2012, "Godwin's law" became an entry in the third edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.[7] "

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law

thelargerbowl's picture
We’re used to thinking of

We’re used to thinking of Hitler’s Third Reich as the incomparably evil tyranny that it undoubtedly was. But Hitler didn’t take power by force. He used a set of rhetorical tropes codified in Trump’s bedside reading that persuaded enough Germans to welcome Hitler as a populist leader.

Why does an ignorant, narcissistic buffoon like Trump trigger such anxiety among people? Why do so many Americans feel it existentially (not just politically) important to resist our forty-fifth president? Trump is such a coarse and appalling man that it’s hard to stomach his presence in Abraham Lincoln’s house. But that’s not enough to explain the intensity of my dread. LBJ was coarse. Gerald Ford and George W. Bush were dumb as a box of rocks. Richard Nixon was an anti-Semite. Ronald Reagan was a dangerous ideologue. People opposed each of them when they appeared to exceed their constitutional powers. But I never felt a sense of existential dread. I never sensed that the very existence of a tolerant democracy was in play and in danger of disappearing.

A younger Trump, according to his first wife’s divorce filings, kept and studied a book translating and annotating Adolf Hitler’s pre-World War II speeches in a locked bedside cabinet. I find it hard to belive that asshole can read,...Anyway, The English edition of My New Order, published in 1941, also had analyses of the speeches’ impact on his era’s press and politics. Ugly and appalling as they are, those speeches are masterpieces of demagogic manipulation.

Watching Trump work his crowds, though, I see a dangerously manipulative narcissist unleashing the demagogic spells that he learned from studying Hitler’s speeches (or spells) that he cannot control and that are capable of eroding the fabric of American democracy. We’ve seen what these rhetorical techniques can do. Much of Trump’s rhetoric,as a candidate and in office,mirrors the strategies, even the language, used by Adolf Hitler in the early 1930s to erode German democracy.

I said he is starting like Hitler and that I believe he mirrors him in every way. Maybe you need to wake up and not be so cranky? Or are you a closet supporter of an obvious threat.

More reading for you:

trump’s tweets, often delivered between midnight and dawn, are the twenty-first century’s technological embodiment of Hitler’s free plastic radios. trump’s Twitter account, like Hitler’s radios, enables a charismatic leader to establish and maintain a personal, unfiltered line of communication with an adoring political base of about 30–40 percent of the population, many (but not all) of whom are only too willing, even anxious, to swallow Trump’s witches’ brew of falsehoods, half-truths, personal invective, threats, xenophobia, national security scares, religious bigotry, white racism, exploitation of economic insecurity, and a never ending-search for scapegoats.

Both blame others and divide on racial lines. Hitler used his single-frequency radios to wax hysterical to his adoring base about his pathological racial and religious fantasies glorifying Aryans and demonizing Jews, blaming Jews (among other racial and religious scapegoats) for German society’s ills. That is comparable to “Trump’s tweets and public statements, whether dealing with black-led demonstrations against police violence, white-led racist mob violence, threats posed by undocumented aliens, immigration policy generally, protests by black and white professional athletes, college admission policies, hate speech, even response to hurricane damage in Puerto Rico. Again and again, Trump uses “racially tinged messages calculated to divide whites from people of color.
Both relentlessly demonize opponents. Hitler’s radio harangues demonized his domestic political opponents, calling them parasites, criminals, cockroaches, and various categories of leftist scum. trump’s tweets and speeches similarly demonize his political opponents. trump talks about the country being ‘infested’ with dangerous aliens of color. He fantasizes about jailing Hillary Clinton, calls Mexicans rapists, refers to ‘shithole countries,’ degrades anyone who disagrees with him, and dreams of uprooting thousands of allegedly disloyal bureaucrats in the State Department, the Environmental Protection Agency, the FBI, and the CIA, who he calls ‘the deep state’ and who, he claims, are sabotaging American greatness.
They embrace extreme nationalism. Hitler’s strident appeals to the base invoked an extreme version of German nationalism, extolling a brilliant German past and promising to restore Germany to its rightful place as a preeminent nation. trump echoes Hitler’s jingoistic appeal to ultranationalist fervor, extolling American exceptionalism right down to the slogan ‘Make America Great Again,’ a paraphrase of Hitler’s promise to restore German greatness.

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Mhester's picture
Jesus is coming! Did Mary

Jesus is coming! Did Mary Magdalene choke the chicken?

Tin-Man's picture
@Mhester Re: "Did Mary

@Mhester Re: "Did Mary Magdalene choke the chicken?"

Nah. She probably just disciplined his chimp. Although, I suppose she could have tenderized his steak for him instead.

Cognostic's picture
@Mhester: If she did it was

@Mhester: If she did it was an immaculate chicken. I somehow doubt that she did as God would not want the chicken to spit out any seeds. It is a sin to waste seed. HOWEVER!!

In the Gospel of Mary, Jesus himself teaches Mary how to not waste seed. She may have already had the lesson from God. So Mary may have blown a trumpet or two, played the skin-flute, chewed the choda, lipped the custard launcher, tounge flicked a frenulum, played dipstick with a dingus, done a dog bone on a dong, played fire-hose with the fuck-pole, gobbled the gherkin, Jiggered the joystick, Lapped the love-muscle, played maypole with the male member, mumbled to the meat puppet, kissed the one eyed trouser snake, un-packaged the pecker, nibbled on the pickled phallus, piped a bit on the pink cigar, lolly popped the pink python, sucked on a salami, snog-snausaged a sausage, tasted a tally-wacker, munched on a trouser monkey, wing-wanged a weenie, bagpiped the baloney pony, blew the ole love whistle, bobbed for bean poles, gone cock gobbling, gone bobbing for face frosting, had a French abortion or two, sucked the creme filling from a custard launcher, huffed a bone, knelt at the alter during a knob-job, made mouth music with a muscled member, waxed a carrot now and again, Yaffled the yogurt cannon, and even ate a zipper dinner before zippers were invented.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Cog

@ Cog

Holy fuck.....have you just expanded my vocabulary or what?

Cognostic's picture
Old man shouts ... "I don't

Old man shouts ... "I don't think that is a good thing. If you repeat any of that your parents will not be allow you to be with me any more. "

ilovechloe's picture
When jesus eventually cums,

When jesus eventually cums, it should be one hell of an orgasm! It is 2000 years in the making. Shit his arm must be getting tired by now!

Tin-Man's picture
@ilovechloe Re: "Shit his

@ilovechloe Re: "Shit his arm must be getting tired by now!"

Hey, you have to admit, though, he is incredibly determined and dedicated. I mean, I know if it takes me more than a minute or so to get the job done, I just call it quits and rest up while switching to a different porn site... *shrugging shoulders*...

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