I was six years of age when I first realized that the God my religion worships is malevolent and egoistical. Reading the story of Adam and Eve confused my young mind: Why did god create the tree of knowledge in the first place, knowing very well that Adam and Eve would be tempted? Is it a part of his plan for Adam and Eve to eat the fruit? If so, why was he so angry when he found out that these two ate the apple? If, however, he did these to test Adam and Eve's faith, does it mean that he isn't all-knowing? Since he had to test the two? These were some of my questions that adults often avoid by making up alibis. "Only god knows." they would tell me.
As I read more stories about god, the more I realize how evil he truly is . . . and the more that I get exposed to the hardships and poverty around me, the more I realize that perhaps, there is no god. But still, despite all the doubts that I have inside me, I chose to believe in god. I was afraid of hell. I was afraid of eternal suffering. I was afraid of being different. So I went to church, prayed to god and put all my faith in him.
Let's fast forward.
Nine years later, now that I am fifteen (soon to be sixteen) years old, I have decided that I should no longer allow myself to believe in god simply because of fear. I am a human being. I am a product of evolution and I am intelligent creature; I must not waste the intelligence I possess. I must not ignore logic and science for the sake of a god that might not even exist.
Some of my friends know about my atheism. They try bringing me back to the world of christianity, but the views of their religion do not make sense to me. They feel disappointed and shocked regarding this.
My family, on the other hand, are not yet aware of this. I don't know how to tell them. If my friends reacted badly, can you just imagine what my family's reaction would be? They might be ashamed of me. Of course, I would have to tell them soon.. but not now. I just don't know how to tell them yet..
Anyway, I am a new member of the Atheist Republic. I feel happy that this site exists. It feels good to know that I am not the only one who has this kind of belief. :) You guys can just call me Lei.
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