On and off since I left Catholicism the supposed sun miracle at Fatima still gets me, and I'm trying very hard to arrange my thoughts on it in a rational way. If anyone could help me on this I would be immensely grateful.
First, researching this is frustrating and frightening because most sources are religious and I've found it very hard to find facts. No, there were not 70,000 witnesses, Catholic news papers, because not everyone saw anything...byt I can't find any account of how many were interviewed or claimed to see anything. I've heard that people as far away as 40 km and on a ship saw...something ...but nobody tells me what they saw. Did they come forward on their own, were they questioned and lead on? I dunno!
Another issue I have is that I always want to know what the religious rebuttle to scepticism is, and I find stuff like this,
Which does little more than drag me further. Why? Because I see the errors in his logic, but I feel incapable of being able to refute him. He says that the fact that everyone saw something different proves a miracle, the fact that no one explanation proves a miracle. And the fact that this explanation makes perfect sense to him makes me feel like it should make perfect sense to me.
My own thoughts though?
I wonder if Fatima was just a perfect storm. Weather conditions and excitement and staring into the actual sun culminating in a brew of alignment. I have a visual disorder where my eyes shake slightly and sometimes make objects shake. Out of thousands of people, dozens at least would have this condition. The thickness of water droplets or clouds shifting, if someone had cateracts, someone staring longer, all probable variables to explain, over the backdrop of perfect weather conditions, why there are so many different reports.
The above article finished by saying that even if everything was explainable with nature, the timing was a miracle ...no. the timing was a perfect storm coincidence that could have happened any other rainy to sunny day.
But still, I'm sick with anxiety, because I feel like, even though people like Dr. Nickels have surely done more research into this than I ever could, I feel somehow that they're missing something or that if i went to read a Catholic blog they could debunk it all on 13 paragraphs and I would have to believe.
My brain just. Sometimes doesn't work right
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