Here is another old TXT file I wrote up for my daughters to have something to laugh it. I could have sworn it was a longer list, though…
This is something everyone has intimate knowledge of: Poopoo. Go ahead, have a laugh or two.
The List of Poopoos
The Spinal-Tap Poopoo: This is the poopoo that is so painful, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
The Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poopoo: This is the poopoo that just refuses to come out forcing you to strain so hard, your wife swears that vein on your forehead is going to pop.
The Corn Cob Poopoo: This is poopoo that rips and shreds as it comes out. You would swear you were forcing out a dried up corn cob.
The Splash Down Poopoo: This is the poopoo that drops out and splashes your entire butt when it hits the water.
The Multi-Wipe Poopoo: This is the poopoo that seems no matter how many times you wipe, it just creates even more to wipe.
The Piss Out Your Butt Poopoo: This is the poopoo that squirts out your butt making you swear you were pissing out your butt.
The Hershey Squirt Poopoo: This is the runs. When you gotta go…
The Surprise Poopoo: This is the poopoo where you swear you are going to let loose a big fart, but SURPRISE!, it’s a poopoo.
The Broken-Hearted Poopoo: This the poopoo where you swear you are going to drop a big log. Guess what? It’s just a big fart. Sometimes, this one you'd swear people can hear a mile away. Reminds me of my favorite school stall poem: Here I sit, all broken-hearted, came to shit, but only farted.
The Five-Alarm Poopoo: This is the poopoo that burns so bad coming out you swear you need the Fire Department.
The O! My God!! Poopoo: This is the poopoo that smells so bad, you swear they are going to arrest you for violating the Geneva Convention on ABC Warfare. ABC = Atomic Biological Chemical. This poopoo has also been known to fry the hairs inside your nostrils, cause your eyes to water to the point of blindness, even wheezing similar to an asthma attack.
The Lincoln Log Poopoo: This is the poopoo that is so shockingly huge and long that you feel you have to use the toilet brush to break it into a thousand pieces before you flush.
The Where’d It Go Poopoo: This is the poopoo where you feel it coming out, hear it ploop in the water, but when you are through and look, no poopoo. “Where’d It Go?”
The Waste Your Time Poopoo: This is the poopoo that you know is just going to come right out, but as soon as you sit on the toilet, it just stops. Then you sit a while thinking it will come back, but you waste half an hour waiting.
The Waste Some More of Your Time Poopoo: This is the poopoo just like the Waste Your Time Poopoo, except after wasting half an hour of your time, and after you have sat back down in the living room, it comes again. However, once you sit on the toilet, it stops again. Sometimes, this one can do this several times, wasting at least two hours of your time, before it finally decides to come out on the fifth or sixth time.
The Clean Poopoo: This is the poopoo where you feel it come out, hear it ploop in the water, see it sitting in the bowl, but when you wipe, nothing.
The Corn Poopoo: Self-explanatory.
The Hang in There Baby! Poopoo: This is the poopoo that leaves a small turd just hanging there. You can feel it hanging there, but no matter how much you shake, it just won’t fall.
The Gosh I Wish I Could Poop Poopoo: Constipation. Get some Ex-Lax, or Dulcolax.
The Rip a New Butt-Hole Poopoo: This is the poopoo that all but, or literally, tears you a new butt-hole. Medic!
The Explosive Poopoo: This is the poopoo that is similar to the Hershey Squirts Poopoo; however, you are also farting explosively at the same time, and it splatters the entire toilet bowl and, somehow, splatters the underside of the toilet seat. And what about your butt?
rmfr
EDIT: New Ones
The I Laughed So Hard I Pooped Poopoo: This is the poopoo where you laugh so hard you swore you farted until you feel the squishy.
The Round Two Poopoo; This is the poopoo where you swear you are finished because you have wiped, flushed, watched as it went down, got everything back. Then you take one step, and oops, another one.
Subscription Note:
Choosing to subscribe to this topic will automatically register you for email notifications for comments and updates on this thread.
Email notifications will be sent out daily by default unless specified otherwise on your account which you can edit by going to your userpage here and clicking on the subscriptions tab.
Nice one arakish. I had more than just a couple of laughs at these as I've experienced quite a few myself. I would add the Shaky Leg Ass Lifting Poopoo which is like the Pop A Vein In Your Forehead but also causes you to lift your rear end off of the seat while making your supporting legs shake just to get the job done. Funny stuff. PG.
How about the "Smurf Butt Poopie"? Experienced this one countless times during deployments. It comes from taking a poop in the port-a-pottie and having the blue-dyed sanitizing fluid splash up all over your ass.
Yeah. That one would be a "specialized" Splash Down Poopoo. And you ain't got to on deployment to get the Smurf Butt.
rmfr
Hey, how about the "Round 2 Poopie"? You have already finished a poopie, and you get all wiped up and clean. Then, as soon as you stand up, pull up yer britches, and get them all fastened, you have to immediately drop them down again, because Round 2 is on its way fast.
My kids would say, “Be right back, gotta drop the kids off at the pool.”
A Billy Connolly joke: "Now I've reached 60 one thing I've learnt is to never trust a fart"
@SC007 Re: "Never trust a fart."
A big "AMEN!" on that one, brother!... *fist bump*...
Gotta go download some brown files into the porcelain hard drive.
I'm laughing so hard I poopooed!
Well, that's a new one to add...
The I Laughed So Hard I Pooped Poopoo: This is the poopoo where you laugh so hard you swore you farted until you feel the squishy.
rmfr
If one wants to come away from the experience of the "multi wipe" variety, all one has to do is grab the cheeks on each side and spread um, then sit and do ones business.