I have been an atheist for about 7 years now and have largely kept it to myself. I have two daughters, 15 and 10. My 10 year old is in Catholic school. My wife wants me to wait until she gets a few years older before I let her know about my atheism. I would like to tell her sooner. I don't plan to tell her that I am certain that there is no God- just that I don't believe. I want to encourage her to read the bible and other religious scriptures and decide for herself. My wife is against this and feels that I will be taking away something she loves. I am hoping others who have been faced with this issue can give my helpful advice. Did you wait until your kids were older to tell them? Did you tell them right away? How did the kids react? If you did tell them are you glad you did? What has the long term impact been? Have any of you been raised by an atheist parent? How did you find out and how did it impact you?
Thank you in advance for your help!
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@Atheist Dad: Greetings and welcome to the forums. Not having yet read your post, but you said "
When and how should I tell my kids I'm an atheist" a very strange question from my perspective. Why would they think otherwise? If you live like an atheist won't it eventually be obvious? And when it becomes obvious wont they begin asking questions? That's what kids do. They will ask questions for information that they can understand instead of you feeding them information they are not yet ready for. Do as atheists do and simply be willing to discuss your position with them as they become curious.
I am confused..... you have been lying to your daughters for 7 years? You have dug a hole for yourself and your family. My suggestion to you is that you just stop lying. You don't have to say anything to the children. NOTHING AT ALL! All you really have to do is stop living the lie you have been living. You are doing things intentionally to hide who you really are from your children. Is that what a dad does? You are not the person your children think you are. Doesn't that bother you? Why not simply be who you really are and stop the lies. Stop doing the things you do do make them think you are a believer. Just stop. When the girls become interested, they will talk to you.
Mate, as an atheist parent I always answered the child's questions as my grandad showed me....lets go look it up together.....and off we would trot to the library (before the internet that was) and find the answers in the many reference books (and now websites). We would get the differing opinions and discuss them, sometimes over days until they were sure of (as we could be ) of their answers.
That's it. Many times I was surprised by the answers we found. Some changed my mind and blasted my suppositions..but one thing I am sure of, all my kids ended up atheist, not because of my malign influence but because of their education....
I had a very similar experience. I was raised by my grandparents; and did similar activities with my grandfather. In fact we lived less than 1 block from a local university library. My grandfather, my sister, and I spent a lot of time there looking up information about anything we were curious about.
Hey there, Atheist Dad. Welcome. One thing that caught my attention in your post is that you and your wife obviously have different mindsets on the matter. That being said, the two of you need to hash it out and reach an agreeable position before any decisions are made one way or the other about the children. Plus, no matter what we suggest to you here in regards to the children, it matters for nothing until you and your wife are in agreement for you to take action. Because if you and your wife are not backing each other up in the matter, the children are likely to become waaaay more confused and stressed over the situation. In my opinion, the most important thing for the kids is to see Mom and Dad acting as a team and providing mutually consistent and supportive answers/advice to their questions. Just an observation.
Now, with respect to your question on when/if you should tell them you are an atheist, simply lead by example. Kids are inquisitive by nature. Eventually they will likely wonder why Daddy does not go to church or talk about god, and questions will soon follow. When that happens, you need to have your answers ready. Meaning you and your wife must be in agreement on what you will tell them. Again, that is the important key (in my opinion). Even if you and your wife have different views on religion, that is okay as long as you can show the children AS A UNITED TEAM it is okay for people to have different views. Just my two cents worth. Hope it helps.
(Now to go read other replies....)