Has the apocalypse taken out all the delusionoids?
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The big Yellow Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Universe Creating Banana works in mysterious ways. He only allows Christians to live to test out faith. ,
I like banana shakes...and turtles.
"I like banana shakes...and turtles."
Drunk on side show alley. Don't ask me how, but he wins at shooting. Bloke at stall gives him a plastic bag, with a medium size, live turtle inside. Drunk takes turtle and wanders off.
A little while later, drunk returns. Wins again . This time he's offered a stuffed toy. Quoth he " No thanks mate. Could I have another one of those crunchy meat pies?"
Turtles are funny, but not always..
Bananas are funny. So are pineapples. But not oranges, apples, pears, mango or pawpaw . Why is that? Why is it that a swan, a pigeon or a raven is not funny but a duck is hilarious?
There was a famous US comedian in I think the late 30's called Joe Penner. His catch call was "Wanna buy a duck?" The clip
below is the best I can do.
PS: Banana milkshakes and proper thick shakes (not Maccas or Hungry's ) are my favourite too. I think the last timeI had a proper thick shake was in about 1961. It was thick because it had three large scoops of ice cream. It also cost three times as much as a regular milk shake.
It's a lull between storms. The irrational superstitious bullshit meter will go nuts again soon enough, rest assured.
Is our bestiality championing friend still stinking up the other forum, with his wild conspiracies and petulant histrionics?
Likely...not sure though. I try and stick with the near completely deluded, or apologists. I am not really interested in shit posters.
Maybe they've all been Raptured? My brother told me if I had not heard from him in three days, the Rapture was on....that was about 30 years ago and I have not heard from him since....
How fucking hilarious would that be? The rapture happened 30 years ago, and every apologist lecturing us has been left behind.
I think I just hurt myself laughing...
While I still think the whole rapture bullshit has a funny side, there is a sadder story about my relationship with my brother.
The truth is my brother has been involved with his Chistadelphian brethren since the mid 1970s.
Ten years after that first call (2002 ?) he rang me a second time with another end days warning The first time around I still cared enough about him to ignore the fact that the world hadn't ended and saved him some humiliation.
The second time around our relationship had drastically changed with his exclusive involvement in his new Christadelphian "family" and I cant tell you how amused I was to call him the morning after Armageddon 2 to ask how things were hanging.
I guess I must have laughed a bit loo long. It was a short phone call. He said he was busy and had to go. Seems there's a lot of loose ends to tie up on when the world doesn't end. We've since lost touch which I regret, but relatives assure me he is if anything even deeper into that insidious religion.
I still do not care what people will believe for themselves no matter how bizarre, but no-one can convince me that religions do no harm. I lost a brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew to some insane 18th century shopkeeper's interpretation of bronze age goatherder delusions.
Religions - off the rack relationships with ill designed divinities for sheep.
Sorry to hear that. I had a good relationship with my brother until his beliefs started affecting my life and family. I still have a hard time...while thinking of the times we had together as brothers, that were not filled with delusional ideology. Since he has been without a partner, his passion for christ, has intensified. The authorities still contact me asking about his mental health, to this day...looking for guidance when his beliefs breach laws.
I share your pain doG.
I'm sorry to hear this, and yes I agree totally, I think the perniscious effect of religions are seldom more evident than in their decisive nature. If we lose the ability to laugh at ourselves then life for me is just a little bit sadder and emptier, and religions can often do this. Feeling foolish is occasionally a part of life, but how tortuous must it be, to force people to sever ties with loved ones rather than admit they've been duped into believing something silly.
I dont want to appear glib, but if it helps you can "borrow" my brother for a while, the next time he's getting on my tits?
Very kind of you Sheldon. Is your brother any good at Morris Dancing?
He can learn...
Now that I have free time, I am teaching myself to use a stick to catch and eat ants. The hard part is getting them to drop into my belly button.
"The hard part is getting them to drop into my belly button."
Smear some Jam in there, the ants will find it...
...the jam becomes “self aware”
“Oh look, this belly button was designed just for me!”
"Now that I have free time, I am teaching myself to use a stick to catch and eat ants. The hard part is getting them to drop into my belly button."
Persevere, you'll be fine.I have confidence in you
I say that because some years ago I observed a piping shrike with a broken beak use a stick to dig for worms.
@Cranky Re: To Cog - "Persevere, you'll be fine.I have confidence in you. I say that because some years ago I observed a piping shrike with a broken beak use a stick to dig for worms."
You realize you are implying Cog has the thinking capacity of a bird, right? Being a bit overly optimistic, I would say.
"You realize you are implying Cog has the thinking capacity of a bird, right?"
I am most certainly not saying any such thing. I'm implying a bird is as smart as Cog. Not the same thing at all.
Do keep up, there's a good chap.
I was looking for a clip by Frankie Howerd, one of the last English Music Hall comics. (US Burlesque) Your post made me think of one of his catch phrases '"It's wicked to mock the afflicted". Have no idea why. Anyway, can't find it. So instead I'm posting a clip of a medley from his show 'Up Pompeii'. I thought it was hilarious, in 1974.
@Cranky Re: "I'm implying a bird is as smart as Cog."
Well.... *hands on hips*... That's not very nice. Poor little bird. What do you have against birds?
"What do you have against birds?"
I love most species of birds. There are a plethora of native birds in my area. EG: Kookaburras,Herons, Gallahs, Adelaide Plains Parrots, Lorikeets, and Rosellas, just to name a few. I love them all.
However, our state bird is the piping Shrike,a species of Magpie. The common magpie*** is an aggressive little fuck. During breeding season it becomes a miniature dive bomber, attacking anything which comes into what it sees as its territory.
Being too damn clever by half, it will not attack you if you take food. Very partial to minced beef. This season I'm going to try mashed banana.
***He's bigger than the shrike and has a generally scruffy air to him. The ratbag of Australian birds. Well, him and the Gallah, whose name is slang for idiot/fool/dickhead.
Over here in Queensland there are magpies, which are about the same size as crows, and peewees, which look like miniature magpies. They're about half as big and twice as aggressive. They'll attack anyone and anything, including cars, that enters what they consider their territories. They're nasty, dangerous little buggers with needle-sharp beaks. And they especially like eyeballs. I've seen them ganging up to drive away larger birds, such as pelicans and parrots.
Some geniuses in the mid-19th century decided New Zealand didn't have enough aggressive birds, so they imported hundreds of Australian magpies. Now they're everywhere and regarded as a pests, like the possums and wallabies that were also transplanted. There've been altogether too many Noahs moving animals around.
"Some geniuses in the mid-19th century decided New Zealand didn't have enough aggressive birds, so they imported hundreds of Australian magpies."
From the time of the first fleet, Australia has never had a shortage of fuckwits who thought it was great idea to introduce all kinds of animals and plants. Such as fluffy bunny rabbits and foxes.
Plus, at the time, people had no idea of the damage hooved animals would do to the environment. I doubt most would have given a stuff had they known. Just like today's captains of industry and climate change.
So far, I haven't been able to think of a greater long term ecological disaster than the the introduction of the Hawaiian cane toad to Queensland in 1935. They should be reaching suburban Adelaide within the next decade, if not sooner.
@Cranky: *Throwing the stick away,,, wiping jam from my belly.* AWWW Fuck! A damn piping shrike with a broken beak? It's been done before? All this frigging work for nothing? I'm gonna go hang out in the banana tree for a while....
You're not fooling me, the video record indicates you are some form of Rambo mercenary.
Sneaky monkey ..............
Hanging out in the trunks of other peeps chev's looking at midget porn again eh cog.
@Dog: *quickly pulling the blanket up over my lap. Sitting up and banging my head on the trunk causing it to swing open. Wide eyed gaze into the flashlight beaming down on my face.* HUH! Oh doG, is that you? I was just...... ummm......... looking for the handle to the jack. He he he ...... you know how us trunk monkeys love our jack handles....... Ummm ..... You know, the handles to jacks. The ones we use to beat off car thieves. ............... I mean....... chase them away.... Awwwww Fuck! Go Away!