Atheist Argument Suicide

Image by Travis Morgan

An Atheist Herpa Derp

We’ve all seen or heard it before, that ubiquitous moment during a discussion with a theist when they finally concede their utter absence of any rational basis for belief and instead attempt to turn the attention away from themselves and onto the atheist. “You can’t prove there is no God.” But sometimes a theist gets lucky and discovers an atheist dumb enough to go running down that road without even being asked.

One of the most common statements I see from these kinds of unbelievers runs along the lines of “The Judeo/Christian god, mother son and devil are merely Osiris, Isis, Horus & Set knock offs.” Now don’t get me wrong, I liked Bill Maher’s Religulous too, but the man is not infallible. During that documentary Bill made multiple comparisons between Christianity and a number of other ancient deities. Many if not most of those comparisons were flat out wrong. My favorite is the claim that Horus was born of a virgin, which is well beyond retarded for anyone who knows the story of Horus.

But those comparisons have been used in many so-called documentaries and can be found all over the internet on sites which pride themselves in hosting unfounded atheist propaganda. When an atheist repeats such silliness it only shows that atheists can be blind followers and sheep just as well if not better than any idiot soaking up a sermon on Sunday morning.

The Absence of Need and Jesus

Another common argument I hear is “I just proved this universe does not need any gods.” Well good for you. Give yourself a pat on the back and buy yourself a beer. I didn’t need to mow the lawn this afternoon. Tall grass never killed anybody. So did I mow it? What the good goddamn flying frog’s ass does “need” have to do with anything? Our solar system doesn’t need Jupiter, Mars, Saturn or Uranus, but there they are. It damn sure doesn’t need Pluto but that little bastard just won’t go away.

Another one that always elicits a head desk is “Jesus never existed because there is NO hardcore proof that Jesus existed.” I remember when only the psycho theists were silly enough to think CAPS could help their argument. No, there is no contemporary writings of anyone named Jesus performing miracles, being crucified or doing anything whatsoever in an around Judea during the time he is said to have lived and died there. But as anyone who has studied logic will tell you, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

There are a couple billion people who have lived throughout history and never had a word written of them during their life, and most didn’t have anything written after they were dead either. That doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. It is perfectly logical to doubt that Jesus may have existed, but to come to a definitive conclusion that he didn’t exist based on absence of evidence is absolutely idiotic. Maybe it is true that Jesus never existed, but proving that negative is impossible. You can try, but all you can do is try. It is a burden of proof you will never be able to meet. There is no evidence I don’t have an Uncle Rufus.

Baby Steps

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I saw this one recently and am still taking ibuprofen trying to recover from the facepalm. “Christianity is based on pagan worship of the sun. The sun was taken out and the mythological Jesus figure was put in it's place.”

Really? OK, let’s forget that Zeitgeist was an utter piece of crap debunked all over hell’s half acre less than an hour after it was released. Let’s forget, just for the moment, that assuming the burden of proof takes the focus off the theist and places it upon you. In fact, let’s just go ahead and forget damn near every problem that arises from such a silly statement save one. Do you honestly believe there is anyone on earth who can go from “I am washed in the blood of the lamb” to “Oops, I was worshipping the sun” during the span of an online conversation? Are you honestly that arrogant?

Even if there were evidence which could conclusively show Christianity evolved as metaphoric sun worship, someone who has invested their entire life believing in a literal risen Christ is not going to abandon their faith so easily. You would first need to at least show them they lack evidence to justify their beliefs, before attempting to justify your own. But even then this is another burden of proof that simply can’t be met.

Keeping the Burden Where it Belongs

By the atheist assuming the burden of proof, the theist can sit back, relax and watch you beat your head against a brick wall, run out for popcorn and a soda and return to watch you still doing the same damn thing. For decades atheists have shown we know their religious books better than they do, and it must be a wonderful comfort watching an atheist grab that shoe, put it on the other foot and proceed to stumble, tumble, trip and fall all over the place doing it.

I have never understood why anyone would want to take the burden of proof away from a theist. They are the ones with something to prove, which is how it should be. Trying to prove a negative is impossible without an inherent contradiction, as any philosopher or logician might tell you. Maybe one day the strong atheists will learn to avoid their own pitfalls, but until then I’ll just stock up on the ibuprofen—and maybe some popcorn and soda too.

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