EDIT:
I've chosen to remove this for now.
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I don't get it?
1. You both got married at 17 and admittedly have done a whole lot of changing through PhD programs.
2. She is an atheist and no longer shares your world view.
3. You do not have the same life goals.
4. You admit to alcoholism.
5. You admit to being abusive.
6. You have been emotionally manipulative.
7. You admit to being a depressed person (not much fun to be around ).
8. She has done things as well (Congratulations on not trying to justify your BS because of her BS. At least it demonstrates you have some modicum of respectability. Good for you.)
9. You have not had a job.
10. You are introverted and do not make friends easily. (You lack social skills.)
FINALLY: She is working and going to school and trying to get a PhD and you assert "School is frustrating her." Really? (READ THESE 10 POINTS AGAIN!!!) How about your lack of support is frustrating her.
OKAY, here is the twenty-four million dollar question. Why would anyone want to be with a person like you? You only wrote a couple of paragraphs and I don't want to be your friend. I do not hang around with people like you. It sounds like you have been living your life on idle for some time now.
Introspection is a great thing. Everyone has to begin their life at some point. Perhaps you have hit rock bottom, perhaps not. Perhaps you have to fall further down the rabbit hole before you decide to begin making changes in your life.
What you have done so far just does not seem to be working. You have a choice, continue doing things the same way or change them. Opting to wait and see what happens is choosing to allow things to continue as they are. Your current situation is the way it is. You made it along with your partner. You both got yourself into this situation. You do not get to control other people. Your partner does not get to control you. The only person in this life that you have control over is yourself. Look around you, look at your life, decide what kind of a person you want to be in the future and then do something about it. It's apparently time to move on.
The first step is to identify the sources of your problems and fix them. For example, if drinking is making your life worse, get off the bottle.
I apologize if this seems harsh Valaraukarsbane, I really want you to attain emotional and physical health. But I am a firm believer in in-your-face dialogue if necessary, and in confronting your problems.