How Do I Come Out As Childfree?

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TheVegetarianHumanist1996's picture
How Do I Come Out As Childfree?

I've known that I wanted to be childfree when I was 14. I became more involved in the environmental movement and I saw that overpopulation became an issue and is contributing to climate change, and how it puts a strain on our natural resources. If every adult in America was "fruitful & multiplied," The US would then have to enact its own one-child policy, similar to that of the one in the People's Republic of China.

I'm afraid to come out of the closet in this regard because my mom although not registered to vote, is a Republican. She would throw a large temper tantrum if I came out. She's used the guilt trip on me before for other things.

I feel like the current political climate will make it hard for me to come out, especially since President, Trump, Vice President Pence, and other higher-ups in the executive branch denying climate change.

Aside from the environment, I want to be childfree so that I can have freedom. I don't wanna to live my life just to please people. I've been there and done that. It drove me to insanity. I would feel like I'd have to switch parties from Green to Republican if I reproduced.

I'm upset that my mom wants my life to be a combination of 19 Kids & Counting and Leave It To Beaver.

What should I do?

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California Girl's picture
Hey there. I totally

Hey there. I totally understand where you're coming from. I do have a daughter, but she was an accident, because I never really wanted kids either, for all the reasons you mentioned. She's an amazing kid and I love her dearly, and my life didn't suffer terribly for having her. But if I'm being honest, if I had to do it again, I wouldn't have had her.
If I were you, I just wouldn't even mention your desire to not have children. For all your mom knows, you may not physically be able to have kids, and that's no choice of your own, and she couldn't blame you for that. Normally I'm all about being open and just telling people how it is, even if they give me shit for it. But I also understand how difficult it can be to have family or friends constantly hounding you about something. So just don't bring it up, and if mom keeps asking, just tell her it just hasn't happened for you, and if it's meant to be, it will. God's will and all that crap lol!

Sapporo's picture
You could maybe test the

You could maybe test the waters by saying "...I don't know if I want to have kids...", and then work from there. :( it's not an ideal situation - if a lot is dependent on it, it may be best to say nothing for the foreseeable future.

Pitar's picture
Well, I didn't want to marry

Well, I didn't want to marry but was proposed to. I didn't want kids but was tricked into them. I didn't want to own a home but now I'm a slave to it. Whatever I might offer you could not possibly be good advice. I'll just say that compromise describes life better than any other word.

Em's picture
I'm sure your mother's

I'm sure your mother's opinion matters a lot to you but when it comes down to it, your life is your choice and it's none of her business. I wouldn't worry so much about your mom reacting to your coming out but your future partner. I'm sure she'll be disappointed but if she truly loves you she'll accept your decision. And if she doesn't, that's drama you don't need in your life. I would just be more mindful of letting any of your current or future partners know that children are a definite no for you. After all you'll be spending the rest of your life with them and not your mother! I have a friend in the middle of a divorce because she never made it clear that she didn't want children and I hate to see her go through that. So definitely avoid that and just let your mom deal with it. It's not going to be easy but she cannot force you to do anything you don't want to do.

Peachyy's picture
Granted my mother was more

Granted my mother was more forgiving when she was faced with the brutal reality that she wouldn't get grandchildren (oh, boo) but the way I've always said it, to family members and eager strangers, is that there are more options for fulfillment than being a parent. This isn't the 16th century. I don't need to marry in fear of being homeless. My days don't consist of finding things to do after cleaning the house. Being a parent is a way of living a life in which you feel like you did something but its false to say that its the only joy, the only way that we (a female) could be on our death bed with a smile and satisfaction. We have more options. We get to choose from a variety basket of different life to have had. Being a parent when there isn't a lot else to get our hands on, I probably would have gone for it because its an important job and it is wonderful (I assume) but there's more wonderful experiences than that, now, and its backwards to ignore the new things that are in front of us. I found horses and a significant other who hikes with me and I do psycadelics and talk about art and I make art and I eat good food: its a wonderful life already and to push that happiness aside so that I can play house because someone told me that my happiness isn't real happiness, is.... stupid. I decide that. You decide that for yourself. Any one who wants to challenge you can do so but their opinion is not authority and if they think it is, this isn't a problem about you its about them. Anyone who would treat you bad about things that obviously have a hold on them are not the people you should take life advice from. I know its popular for lots of parents to have their identity as a "senior" cling to the idea that they'll take care of their offspring's offspring but its not healthy and even if it makes your family uncomfortable, you have nothing to soften. They're adults. Don't chew their food for them.

TheVegetarianHumanist1996's picture
She can still have

She can still have grandchildren, assuming that's what most of a potential tantrum from her would come about. I have one sibling (brother). He already decided that he wants to have kids when he meets someone. I'm not sure his ideal amount. I'm putting it in the 3-6 range.

I forgot if I mentioned in this thread. I come from a family of orthodox & converative Jews. People tend to marry young (typicall university age) in my family.

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