me and atheism

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sara07's picture
me and atheism

i've joined here just to share some thoughts and feelings that im trying to fight at my best. im 21 year old and was born in a muslim family. my parents and siblings are strictly religious. they pray 5 times a day and abide by all the rules and traditions. in the contray i turned into atheist first when i was 18, i was atheist for like a year. then i fought back and forced myself to be a muslim again. after almost 2 year im again on the verge of being an atheist. i didnt realize that im an atheist until 5/6 days ago, some religious students of my uni invited me and some of my frnds to join their weekly religious discussion. my friend was saying, yeah sure we'll come by. and i dont know from where i realized that in my brain im saying "i'll not come, cuz im an atheist.'' the moment i realized that i thought so in my head, i got kinda scraed. i dont wanna be a atheist, i really dont wanna be that. ive got a great family and a caring boyfriend, i dont wanna loose any of that. i know, if i ever confess this to my family the only thing they will say to me is ''we are ashamed of u'' what they dont realize is that im ashamed and scared both at the same time.
no one can ever imagine what kind of battle im fighting with my self every second, i dont wanna be what i feel. i just dont know why i feel so different? im not doing these stuff to be cool or anything. trust me, i just dont beleive in my religion any more, actually i just cant beleive! as my family is muslim, i know every religion beside islam is not valid, and i know enough reason to not trust any of that. so i dont care about them, i tried to look out for buddhism, but just couldnt beleive that ( though i tried there too). the first time i started to doubt my religion was when i was 17 or so. i had a atheist freind. didnt realize his company will change my thoughts so much. i saw things that i shoudnt have seen. i read things that i shouldnt have read.
since then im trying my best to forget everything and go back to where i belong. i dont wanna accept homosexuality, but i accept them cause i understand what they go through and what they feel. ive read and gained enough knowledge about them to accept them. i really cant help myself. i dont wanna go to eternal heaven or hell. i just wanna die and want that to be the end. i dont want my husband to have 70 female servants as his mistress in heaven. and i dont wanna be queen of them. i just dont. i dont wanna have sex with young kids who werent muslim, yet they will go to heaven to be our sex slave. is this how u reward kids? really? i dont know ALLAH if U are their or not. i dont know, u created me, u know what i feel and U should know me better than myself. if U are really there i want U to help me. ive tried to go to islamic blogs and stuffs like that. all i said or felt like bullshit!! i dont wanna say bullshit. i wanna say subhanallah. i dont wanna loose my family, boyfriend, friends everything. there will be no place for me if i dare to confess even in my dream. i wish there were a way to forget everything... and ALLAh if i die today and U r true then please forgive me. i wish i wasnt me.

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maberl's picture
Welcome to the atheist world.

Welcome to the atheist world....... first of all I will appreciate and congratulate u for having made this far........ and I do understand being from a muslim background makes it difficult to cope in the beginning and then one finds a way...

I am surprised that you said your family will only say that they are ashamed of you...and nothing more???? I am supposing you are already in a western country......are you?

It is very important to ensure your safety before coming out...... no one wants to lose their family so you have to find a way to make it easy on them.....

I usually advise muslims to first let people around you accept that you are not a practicing muslim........(no prayers and careless about religious stuff)
be independent enough to support yourself if it comes to trouble...

some times argue with big questions and sow the seeds of confusion......no body has answers to them...

but whatever you have to do...... do it according to how you know will work best with your family......

And about the Allah thing.......... if you are over religion you dont have to worry about him even if he is there..... coz finding out that religions are fake means God (if there is any) never contacted man.........so he won't judge you for not believing in him

watchman's picture
Greetings and welcome Sara...

Greetings and welcome Sara....

Im sorry you're having such a hard time with your newly acquired freedom....

I hope you can come to terms with it soon...

Further to that I echo Abers message ...particularly the call to ensure your own safety.

Pitar's picture
So, what's your exit strategy

So, what's your exit strategy? If you cannot align yourself in good conscience with the muslim faith then you'll need to prepare for an exit. If you attempt to co-exist with muslims you will be discovered by your own behavior. If there are support groups for ex-muslims you might reach out to them for help.

Mitch's picture
Sara, it sounds to me like

Sara, it sounds to me like you feel ashamed to for being without religion, and you think you couldn't share these thoughts with anyone, because your community could reject you.

Do I understand you correctly?

Jeff Vella Leone's picture
Welcome to the forum

Welcome to the forum

D_Trimijopulos's picture
You are a fine person, Sara!

You are a fine person, Sara!
I do hope that you live in a western country.

Adil Islam Chaudhry's picture
I went through a simalair

I went through a simalair thing when I was 16 born in Pakistan grew up in Scotland.

I fought the same demons I was an atheist and didn't want to be one. I rejected each religion one at a time and and eventually came to turns with it Islam also. I was open to it with my friends but with my family it's a don't ask don't tell situation.

It was easier to not believe in Islam than it was to speak out against Islam and that I think is due to family.

I must admit having friends who were also atheist helped a lot. With them I could be open and honest.

BAACKJD's picture
Necro-post.

Necro-post.

ZeffD's picture
Religionists don't seem to

Religionists don't seem to care what someone believes as long as their (the religionist's) beliefs aren't seriously challenged.

69oniichan69's picture
Wahh you know what? Ik you're

Wahh you know what? Ik you're a new "free Thinker" and it was really hard for you to leave Islam. But you know, if someone, or some people , are stupid enough to leave a person just for irom age barbarism, do you think they actually have feelings for you? And not talking about your friends or family, but your boyfriend, my advice is you should leave him. If he's Moslem then you should! Because you'll have to bear him whole life , you cant expose your atheism, and by mistake he finds out you'll be doomed. And you know how Moslem men treat women, well I ve no right to judge him you've made this far so I'm sure you're not stupid enough to marry a wrong person. But I'm telling you to consider really hard about this, or ask him questions like if your wife were atheist what would he do to her, and act religious af. Well just a childish idea but it might work? ANYWAY IT WAS NICE TO KNOW YOU AND YOUR EXPERIENCE ! AND DON'T WORRY IF THERES A GOD (WHICH IM SURE THERE ISNT), THAY GOD CAN NEVER BE A MISOGYNIST LIKE ALLAH FROM QURAN! DO NOT WORRY ABOUT A THING! XD By your way of describing things I assume you're new to atheism. You don't seem totally free from religion yet but don't worry you will soon enough! You have a lot to discover as a free thinker xD well I'm talking like I'm an intellectual but nah lol im sure I'm younger than you xp I'm just 18 but I became a free thinker in 3rd grade hehe xp

Cognostic's picture
@ Hi sara

@ Hi sara
It;s a sad thing to admit but intelligence and RELIGION rarely go hand in hand unless you are really good at creating blind spots. Islam is a particularly spurious religion. No assertions made by Muslims or the Qua'aran are supported by empirical evidence. NONE. Archaeology and History both prove Petra was the birth place of Muhammad and all early Mosques actually face Petra and not Mecca. We have early documents that actually show the Qua'aran being changed. We have early Qua'aranic texts that do not match the modern Qua'aran. The religion of Muhammad is every bit as made up as the religion of Joseph Smith and the more we know about Islam the more made up it becomes. None of the assertions made by Muslims about Muhammad or the Qua'aran have stood against critical inquiry. NONE.

Buddhism too is based in a WooWoo philosophy of birth and rebirth and the fallacious concept of Karma. I really like some of the Koans as they offer us insight into the mind. The Qua'aran also says some very remarkable things - many taken from the Gnostic Gospels of Christianity by the way. Still, you can not throw the baby out with the bath water. There are good things in any religious text. The trick is to not get trapped into the belief system. If there are a hundred good things in a text, you can not assume that the hundred and fist thing is also good. Each assertion must be weighed against logic and reality.

Eternal Heaven or hell is a made up story. It was made up by the Christians in the 4th century. Prior to the Christians there was no heaven or hell. Elaine Pagels - The Origins of Satin is a great book. You can find PDF on the internet for the Origins of Heaven.
The place of eternal damnation, Hell, was only invented after the concept of an eternal soul. There is no Hell in the Old Testament. People just cease to exist. Hell is a Christian fairy tale that was stolen by Muhammad and put into the Qua'aran years later by some of his followers.

You are correct about losing everything should you give up your faith. That is exactly what it is like. It is scary. It is lonely. It is a feeling of being lost in the world without an anchor. That is exactly what it is like. Your life will never be the same. But what is the other option. Bury your head in ignorance? Do as you are told? Be the good Muslim? Obey your husband and his religion? Put yourself in a box, close the lid, and never look outside? There is an amazing world out here and it is free from the chains of mythical tales of heavens and hells. We not only have no evidence for such absurdities but we have no time to worry about such nonsense.

I wish you luck. In all honesty, I don't see a problem with meeting with friends and discussing the Qua'aran. What I would do is take some of the information they share, anything at all that you are having trouble with, and post it in the Debate room. There are x-Muslims here who know a whole lot about Islam. There are also many sites on the internet that discuss issues related to Muhammad and the Qua'aran. Use the resources you have and we will do our best to make you feel at home.

THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE! What is scary is that when you are the only one around who can see the truth, you feel alone.

Tin-Man's picture
@Cog

@Cog

Pssssst.... Hey, check date. Necro-thread. 2015. Somebody is playing Jesus and resurrected this thing.

Cognostic's picture
@ Tin-Man

@ Tin-Man
fk - CAUGHT ME AGAIN. I really have started looking at the dates. I was just on a break between classes and enjoying my coffee and pretending I was having a great day. DAMN!

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