Hi all,
I'm new to this forum and would like to chat with other like minded types. To introduce myself, where is the zip file version of my biography.
I was born into a family of evangelical fundamentalist Christians who impressed upon me, each and every day, that I was a sinner due to a crime I didn't commit & was not even born when it happened. However, I was told it was ok because a guy I never knew sacrificed himself to himself to appease himself for sins he knew we were going to commit anyway. Even from an early age it made no sense to me and is making less as I grow older. I tried to gently tell my parents my views without incurring their wrath but failed each time. The lesson I learned from this is that one cannot negotiate or compromise with a fundamentalist- you are either completely in agreement with them or you are in Satan's employment. By the time I reached 18 years old I realised I had only two choices; leave home now or become like my parents. Every atom of my body screamed out for freedom from their oppressive, bigoted, racist & homophobic views & so I left home. In doing so I was branded the black sheep and they gloated over every misfortune I had & claimed it to be God's vengeance. On one occasion I was in a serious accident & was clinically dead for several minutes until revived by paramedics - I didn't see any tunnels of white light or angels. I was forbidden to meet my brothers-in-law and any of my sisters' children lest I pollute their minds. This was justified as I once told a nephew that humans and dinosaurs did not co-exist and that the earth is considerably older than 6,000 years - I got into a lot of trouble for this. My parents despaired when I sought higher education as they believed learning was needless & never attended my graduations. As I am the only member of my extended family to have completed senior high school, I am alone. When I became a librarian they reminded me that there was only one book anyone needed in life. The worst of this was it divided my family while I only ever sought their friendship. My worst memory of all was when my father lay dying in hospital he loudly and repeatedly cursed me on his deathbed for not being the Christian son he hoped I would be. Even though the nurses told me he was just ranting, the words cut deep and he passed soon after. Decades have passed & I am still no closer to my family in spite of my repeated efforts, for the only thing they want to hear from me is my unconditional salvation to their brand of Christianity. Looking back it saddens me that their parental love was made conditional upon my acceptance of their religion - for conditional love is not true love, particularly when you say "I will love you if..." I sometimes fantasize what it would have been like had I been born into a normal family who taught me how to value and live this life, rather than waste my precious life focussed on some life hereafter.