This is a really nerve wracking thing for me to do, but I’ve held on to it for way to long. I did something in my past life as a christian that I have to live with every day of my life; I committed sex abuse in 1996 and served 12 years for my crime. Before you make any knee jerk reactions about me and the crime I committed, please take the time to listen to my story, then make your judgments if there be any.
I was raised in a strict religious family that took the bible as the literal word of god. My mother was especially fanatical and deluded my young mind with her own “christian” beliefs about sex. Sex is dirty and god looks down on it; if you masturbate you will go to hell; satan is making you think sexual thoughts... I was only 8 years old when this mental torment was put upon me. My sexual problems started shorty thereafter and continued into adulthood until I committed a crime of sex abuse. I spent 12 years behind bars for a crime that I take ownership for. I have never run from the truth of what I did or the hurt caused to those I love. I wish I could take back my actions and heal the pain in others more than you could possibly know. Sadly, we can’t undo the past, we can only move forward and be a better person. Ironically, I became an atheist while being locked up and going to college behind prison walls. Atheism taught me to be responsible for my own actions; to treat others as I would treat myself; to be the best human I can be without any help from a dictator god. I am more loving and empathetic towards my fellow human beings now than I ever was before. The system says we can never change, that we will always be a potential sex offender again. I stand here before you all with everything I am to tell you that is not true. I will never sexually offend anyone ever again! I have been set free of the religious mind torment I was raised with, and I want to help stop any future victimization's from happening by being a spokesman at Atheist Republic. Religious indoctrination really hurts people and sometimes causes them to go down roads that should never be trodden. I’m making a right turn into the truth - there is no god, heaven or hell. We are all fellow human beings, products of evolution, bound to one another as a species on this planet. As an atheist, I choose to love and care for my fellow human beings without a god telling me to do so. I hope I have not offended anyone with this post. I only want to be truthful and helpful to those that may become my friends. It’s the only way I can be real - to walk in truth as a fellow atheist and human being. I’m here to help anyone who may have come from a similar background. I thank you all for being here for those that have come through sometimes traumatic religious events.
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Thanks for sharing. I find it quite interesting that you rejected christianity and embraced atheism in prison and learned to take personal ownership of your crime. This is unique as it is usually the other way round; prisoners will often turn to christianity (and other religions), because religion allows them to deny personal responsibility for their crimes. It is a powerful temptation to think that everything is according to god's plan, and that god forgives those who ask for forgiveness and all your sins are washed away by Jesus' blood sacrifice.
BTW, that isn't just an assumption, I am a police officer and know what I'm talking about with religion in prison. Without knowing anything else about your history, I would have to say that you've done your time and that's that,no need for you to keep getting punished. Our lives are always informed by our past, but the rest of our lives still begin each day.
Edit: I meant to say you have probably done MORE than your time. Our justice system is horribly slanted toward incarceration and over-criminalizes many, many things. Still, not as bad as Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, I would not want to do time in a place like that! I wonder what they would serve to eat in a prison chowhall there? Camel?
Thank you for the feedback and support! Yes, your right. I saw many offenders use god as an excuse for their actions. The devil made me do it, jesus washed all my sins away and now I'm ok...I've heard it all. When I was in treatment classes, I use to call bullshit on alot of the other offenders for not taking responsibility for their own actions against others. I had realized in prison after becoming an atheist, that no one can make a person change. Treatment can give an offender tools to utilize against ever reoffending, but its useless unless the offender applies it to his life and sadly, many don't. My turn to atheism saved my life. Forgiving myself is what I find hard to do. Had I been the person I am now, the offense would have never happened. The last section of your response really touched my heart; especially where you said, "our lives are always informed by our past, but the rest of our lives still begin each day". Such a powerful statement, and so true! I choose to be healthy in mind and body each and every day now. Not because of a god or biblical commands, but because its the right path to walk. One of empathy, true love and concern for another persons life and well being. I'm not sure how to go about helping others in this sensitive area of life, yet I have a passion to speak to others about the damage religious indoctrination can have on a persons mind. Thanks again for the feedback!
This is what happens when your forced to suppress natural sexual cravings. Similar to what drives catholic priests to commit child rape. Religion is very harmful sexually, it creates a cycle of guilt and shame and sometimes people do bad things trying to suppress their natural urges. Here is a great recent video where Dr. Darrell Ray describes just how harmful religion can be suppressing natural sexual urges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7DThe9w7gY
Thats exactly what it did to my mind as a young boy! I knew that guilt cycle quite well. All the while I had a so called christian grandfather who tried to touch me as a little boy and tell me that the "touching" was love! Yeah, really mind screwing stuff. I am so thankful to be an atheist now and I hope I can help stop this abuse from happening to others.
I can only repeat what I wrote earlier: "Indoctrination is so appalling and cruel."
Your story could perhaps be an example of how the justice system could benifit from having a program for "Getting away from religion"? (The A-word could probably not be used here)
I stumbeled on this vote today: Should the indoctrination of children into religion be considered child abuse?
http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-the-indoctrination-of-children-int...
I almost puke when reading the No-votes. Comments like:
"No, they can still choose what they believe."
"Are your freaking kidding me?"
"That would actually be unhealthy"
It's just horrifying.
Thanks for the link. I had to make an account just to cast my "YES" vote. Those "NO" answers were scary.
This is what I'm talking about! Totally unreal. yes, this mind set in horrifying!
This is a serious question with no intention to diminish the personal changes you have made for yourself.
What have you done / plan on doing, if anything, to support, heal, help, assist those on the receiving end of this behavior/ crime?
I've read what you have done for yourself, the changes you have made, and these things are admirable. You, however, are not the only one this has effected. You know that. What about the other people, the ones this behavior damaged or will damage, who have to survive the behavior you (and others) have engage in?
What can you do to repair that damage? You are repairing your own damage, good. But what about the others? Have you investigated this? Have you taken any action to help them?
(Editorial comment: You may have noticed that I've not used the word 'victim'. That is because I dont like the word. I don't like what it means. It requires that one stay a slave to another's actions. 'Survivor' is a far more personally powerful word, for both them and you.)
That is a good question and one that deserves an anwser. My "survivor" who is a grown adult now and a family member, went to secular counseling alone while I was locked up; and then when I was released from prison, we both attended a family reunification program in which we both received counseling as individuals as well as together. We are both now atheists, and actually both work (in our separate ways), to help others who have gone through the same issues in their families. Not every story ends up like mine. I'm blessed, (not by god), but I am blessed, because I still have a loving family that loves me and we all decided to work through it as a family. It is a very painful issue for everyone involved and if religious indoctrination is at its roots only 10% of the time, its to much! No one deserves to have their minds twisted and their innocence stolen! Lets rescue and help the survivors, and try to do whatever we can to prevent it from happening to others.
I really admire your strength to have transitioned out of the indoctrination and the efforts you have taken since. Acts like these are what propels humanity forward in the moral space. I'm happy to have known you here!
Thanks for the comments and support. Wasn't an easy thing to put out there; but if it helps someone who is trying to to become healthy, it's worth it. We are all humans and we should love, help, and support each other for a better tomorrow.