Hello, new poster here! I am very glad and excited to have found a forum where I can freely express my beliefs, or rather lack thereof. On both sides of my family, with the exception of my maternal grandfather, are Christians/believers. It's hard keeping my secret of being an agonistic atheist from my family, especially my mom. She believes that those who don't believe in God will go to hell, and of course, I believe that's BS. She occasionally asks me if I believe in God and I so badly want to tell her the truth of how I feel but I always end up dancing around the question or simply won't answer her and change the subject. I fear that she'll disown me somehow or it'll put a drastic strain on our relationship.
My question for you all is should I eventually tell my mom that I'm a non-believer? How have you handled discussions of your nonreligious identity with your family who believe in God? The only people I've told are my aunt (mom's sister) and my little brother.
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What are the consequences?
If you are 15, living at home, and reliant on your mom, keep your mouth shut. Especially if she has a temper issue. (Only you know your mom/)
If you are out on your own, can survive the consequence and just want to begin living your own life. what in the hell is stopping you?
I'm 22 years old and currently living at home while working part-time. I plan on moving out next year to go back to school. She has a bible and I don't want her literally or figuratively throwing it in my face.
You don't get to choose. You don't get to control other people or what they do or do not do. You are in a tug-o-war. You are pulling on your end of the rope and she is pulling on hers. The way you stop is to simply refuse to pick up your end of the rope. You can insist she change to the degree you are willing to deal with the consequences. My question would be, "why bother?" Is it really worth the time and effort? Why not just tell her "Thank you for sharing your opinion" and then move on with your day. You are doing the same thing to her that she is trying to do to you. STOP!
I am dishonest with my family of devout Christians. My main reason is that I have nothing to gain and everything to lose, and that my mother's emotional well-being is far more important than me flapping my lips and expressing my dissenting opinion.
And InquisitiveCalGal95, welcome. I hope you find some answers in here and enjoy the company.
My mom is not exactly a church going person, but we used to go to church when I was little before my grandmother passed. Lately, she's been talking about reading her Bible and finding a church to go to. As a result, she's starting to ask me questions about my belief in God and I don't want to flat out lie to her but I don't want to be wholeheartedly honest and cause her to become angry with me and tell the rest of my family.
Thank you. :-)
InquisitiveCalGal95,
"Lately, she's been talking about reading her Bible and finding a church to go to."
Titus 1:14 (TPT) = "14 Instruct them not to pay any attention to Jewish myths or follow the teachings of those who reject the truth." The Bible is loaded with Jewish fairy tales. The Bible says that you shouldn't pay any attention to them.
http://www.bricktestament.com/epistles/on_women/01_1c11_04.html = 13 pictures
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkCJ8rb8Grw "Which 10 Commandments"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36g3auOm9HA "The Ten Commandments"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u3z69YpLx0 "The Damn Commandments"
Matthew 15:24 (TPT) = "24 Jesus said, “I’ve only been sent to the lost sheep of Israel.”
If you brush up on these it will give you something to talk about. Know your enemy.
welcome inq...nice to have you with us...
well eventually she'll know about this....for now just go with flow, and play it safe. there's nothing wrong if you do...
have a good one...peace out
I'm normally not someone who would support lying; but if you need to lie to keep a roof over your head, do it.
I feel for you. I just went through a horrible family get together where they were making snide and rude remarks. Although not directed directly to me, they were directed to atheists in general. Thus, in a way, they were directing the remarks at me since I was the only atheist there. I finally stood up and said how it is the Absolutists that are the most bigoted persons on Earth. I did not say it in a mean way, but as a statement of fact. They started with their remarks directed at me being a godless heathenistic pagan. Without another word, I just walked out. Perhaps not the best thing to do.
As others have said, I may not support lying, but if it is needed, then perhaps it needs to be so. I have been an atheist my whole life. My family knows it. Right now, I am thinking hard about what I am going to do. No decisions yet.
Perhaps I am not the best to advise you what to do. Perhaps it would be best to use the "No comment."
Hope you figure things out.
rmfr
I'm not sure if I've been an atheist my whole life because I'm sure I just went along to whatever my family believed. As I got older, especially as an adult, I started forming my own beliefs and have been a self-identified atheist for almost 2 years. I honestly felt free after admitting it to myself. It's just kind of awkward with almost all of my family and friends on social media posting religious memes and prayers, along with religious chain mail (which are very annoying). I'm honestly not sure how my friends will react if I ever tell them, so I'm keeping my mouth shut when it comes to religion around them.
I'm waiting for the right time to tell my mom when I move out and build a life of my own. I do get a little irritated when she states how people who don't believe in God are going to hell. I don't necessarily believe in hell, so I try not to think so much into it.
InquisitiveCalGal95, you said: @ I started forming my own beliefs and have been a self-identified atheist for almost 2 years. @
I'd just like to point out that atheism isn't necessarily a belief, it can be merely a lack of belief, (in any gods). I'm not sure if you understand the difference. If you want clarification, you could Google it here: https://www.google.com/search?q=strong+atheist+versus+weak+atheism
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Or you could read this article: Definition of strong/weak atheism and agnosticism
http://www.update.uu.se/~fbendz/atheism/definitions.html
From that article: "The weak atheist position does not need a justification - it is the default position. One should not accept a position unless there is some rational reason for supposing it true".
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Even if you are well informed about a particular god, its proposed attributes, its implications etc., you may not be convinced of the truth of it, so you could be a weak or agnostic atheist.
Depending on which type of atheist you are, InquisitiveCalGal95, that could make a big difference in how badly your family might take your being atheist. You don't even have to label yourself atheist, (to them), just being agnostic will do.
I identify myself as an agnostic atheist - nothing I've come across has convinced me sufficiently, to believe that any of the gods ever proposed, actually exists. Of course, that includes the Abrahamic gods of Judaism, Islam and Christianity.
All the best,
Mutorc S'yriah.
@Mutorc S'yriah
Thank you for the explanation. I've done a little research lately and I feel that I identify closely with agnostic atheism. You are correct in the fact that I am not convinced of the proof/disproof of a God or Gods, and I also identify as an atheist because I do have that lack of belief in God (due to a few personal reasons).
InquisitiveCalGal95,
"I do get a little irritated when she states how people who don't believe in God are going to hell."
You mentioned that your mother got the religious bug when her mother died. She's coming face to face with her own mortality and she's afraid of dying. She wants to have eternal life so she has to believe in the deity that can offer it, Yahweh, the God of the Hebrews and the God of the armies. She may or may not regard Yeshua (Jesus) as God but she probably does.
Since she's afraid of dying she wants to be sure that you will give her a full Christian burial with all of the trimmings when her time comes. No one likes to talk about such things but that's what it's really all about. She may think that if you don't believe in her favorite deity that you won't give her a proper burial and pray for her soul. At some point you could address those issues with her if you are comfortable in doing so.
Remember, things change. While you are comfortable in being an atheist today how will your mother's death affect you, especially if she has a rough death? Will you toss her corpse into the oven and sprinkle her ashes in the back yard? Or will you get all weepy and go on a praying jag and get the religious bug yourself? You're young and may not have too much experience with such things. Old buzzards such as myself have been through it countless times. You don't know how you will react until it actually happens to you but you can reassure your mother that you will observe her wishes when the time comes if you know what they are. That might take some of her pressure off of you.
Good luck and best wishes.
@Diotrephes
Actually, my mom grew up going to church every Sunday with my grandma and aunt. It wasn't until after my grandma died that she stopped going to church. In 2014, my mom had a life-threatening incident, and she thankfully survived. In that instance, it reinstated the religious buzzard as you might say. She thanked God that her boyfriend was there to save her and gave her a second chance at life since doctors told her that she shouldn't have survived through that, and since then she hasn't really been the same. She is beginning to talk to me about reading the Bible and asking if I believe in God.
The women on my mom's side (grandma, aunt, and great-grandmother) have all been cremated, so the burial thing isn't what I'm worried about. I just don't want her criticizing me over my thoughts and practically shoving the bible in my face. I think it's best of religion stays out of the topics of conversations between us...for now...at least until I move out.
InquisitiveCalGal95,
Good luck and best wishes.
I ran across this article. It tells why it's not a good idea to offer advice.
"Why No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2018/06/why-no-good-deed-goes-unpu...
InquisitiveCalGal95, I am an "Older man" and I have never truthfully believed in any deities, I was taken to church my entire life until I left for the military. I could see the unfairness and fallacies in religion at a very young age. Just yesterday I had a bible thumping very old man come up behind me and pat me on my back while I was eating in a restaurant, I have never seen this dotard before and he asked me if I was "born again" this immediately pissed me off I politely told him that I dont discuss religion. He was insistent, and said in a louder voice in a crowded restaurant that I was "going to hell if I wasn't born again" I was already highly annoyed that he had the lack of respect to address someone whom he did not know in the faintest in such a manner. I told him that this would be fine and to get the hell away from me. I still get mad whenever I think about it. I already consider people that approach other people in this manner are trying to "Post their morals" and, that they assume being pious is morally acceptable and shows what a good person they are. To me its abject ignorance and when they are pugnacious, it fires me up. The more you read the more you will see you are going in the right direction. Welcome to this forum, I visit often, but comment very little, I feel comfortable here, I hope you will as well.
My mother doesn’t have that brush with death faith in god... but she’s strong willed all the same.
The most annoying thing I did was tell her I was agnostic, she then doubled down on faith, prayed for me everyday and consistently forced Catholicism conversion books on me.
It was only after a drunken hangover that I told her I was an atheist and “there was nothing she could ever do to change it.” The second part is important but also could mean the loss of a family member.
In my own case, things are much smoother for me now. Much more bearable seeing as most if not all my family are Christians. My parents don’t bother me, they are sad sometimes when religious events take place but still show me love.
I don’t know how your folks will react but it’ll probably result in a happier you in the long run.