I'm Lydia, and very happy to have found this forum. I'm recovering from Christianity, and even though I feel so relieved and freed, the guilt that had been engraved in me keeps nagging at me. I try to ignore it, but its always there, silently blaming me. I keep having nightmares. I know its a long process...and tips,ideas, how to overcome it?
Thank you so much.
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The guilt feeling probably comes from feeling you have let god down in some way by not meeting his standard. But at the same time, you don't see the reasoning behind that standard. If so, I suggest you see yourself as having a superior standard to god - one that is rational and which focuses only on good.
Thank you so much for your help and input. Yes, guilt is all connected to the feeling that Im doing something wrong by not believing anymore. Yes, its not rational. Its just the end of almost 30 years of indoctrination. Thank you for your support!
Lydia
First, welcome to our little corner of reality. Most of us here are here to help each other. Support each other. At least that is what I have found when I finally found this site. Just wished it were here about 20 years ago.
Below are some links I have found. They do have some resources. Many others here also know of resources and may post them.
Just hang in there. We are here if you need us.
https://unpleasantgod.ffrf.org/#/
http://journeyfree.org/ It costs money to use their services, but they do have some free resources.
https://ffrf.org/ It costs to join, but also has some free resources.
Although I have never been a believer, I have suffered at the hands of the Church. Instead of guilt, I have had nothing but anger against religion. Any religion. And I have to deal with it. Having left home early (16), then joining the US Navy helped to get me away from it.
The one thing that helped me the most was having a wife that was also atheist. That helped me in realizing I could be happy and a good person without religion. One thing I can say, it takes time. There were a few quotes I always remembered that also helped.
Please realize I am going from memory and paraphrasing.
Isaac Asimov: "Properly read, the Bible is the greatest tool for atheism."
Sir Arthur C. Clarke: "Religion is the most dangerous of all mind viruses."
Robert A. Heilein: "Men rarely create gods superior to themselves. Instead they have morals of a childish, spoiled brat."
Just remember, ALL religions are the constructs of men. Fallible men. Thus, the religions are also fallible.
The whole idea of religions is a method for those who tend towards megalomania to control the masses.
One good thing to do is to peruse the threads in the debate room and read some of the arguments put forth by the users here. Also, realizing you have those thoughts also enables you to confront those thoughts. And to behead them.
Finally, if ever needed, know that all the users here shall always help if you ever need it.
rmfr
Dear Arakish,
You don't know how much your kind words mean to me. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
Yes, its very hard, and I know it will take years to be totally free from the indoctrination of a lifetime. I, just like you, also have so much anger. So much anger at religion, at people who taught me this, all those years wasted in this mindprison. But I know its not good to focus on anger...
Joining the US Navy sounds like an amazing journey, and I'm glad you could escape from your (I'm assuming destructive) home so young. I'm 29 years old, I know life is ahead of me but also one the most beautiful part of ones life, the real "young" ages are gone with the brainwashing of religion.
You are so right about how great it is to find an atheist partner. My husband is also an atheist and he helped me thru it all, but its still down to me to totally break free. Thank you so much for the quotes and the links and most of all, your kindness. I feel being home.
Yours,
Lydia
Hey there, Lydia. Glad you could join us. Welcome to the AR.
I can tell you from personal experience that joining this site was definitely one of the best decisions I made in helping me get past those same feelings you are having. I also strongly recommend you watch a few episodes of The Atheist Experience, if you haven't already. Easily found on YouTube. Oh, and Dark Matter and the Non-Stamp Collector cartoon series are also very helpful in highlighting some of the more prominent absurdities of religion. Plus, some of them can give you a good laugh. lol
Anyway, just hang in there. It does get better over time, I assure you. It helps to understand that the indoctrination you were subjected to over many years of your life is not something that is easily shed. You are correct, it is a process that takes time. But the more you learn, read, and discuss it with others, the easier it will be. Take some time to look around here and get acquainted with our merry little group of heathen rebels. Ask questions. State your views and opinions and concerns so that others can review them and dissect them for you and offer feedback. Pretty soon, before you know it, you too will one day be in the middle of a good brawling debate and landing solid punches with the best of 'em. And you will also find yourself greeting and offering advice to the newcomers as they arrive here seeking guidance for their new journey. Hope to see you around the different threads.
Okay, now to go see what everybody else has said.
Hey dear Mr. Tin-man,
Thank you so much for all the support. I just joined this site one day ago, and I already feel like being welcomed to home. I have never felt like this in any religious group before. The fact that I can share these feelings with people who has gone thru the same thing is really empowering. Thank you for telling me it will get better in time. I know it will. I'm aware how long it can take to break the mental chains. Its just feels so good to find like-minded people and be welcomed in here. Thank you a lot. :) I wil check out those youtube series you mentioned!
Welcome Lydia. What a beautiful name you have.
You are not alone in this journey, one that leads to a better understanding of yourself and this world. There are many wonderful people in here who are there for support, and definitely understand the pain and guilt that religion leaves behind. You will get to the end of the tunnel, each step will bring you closer to a clear and healthy mind.
And for you, I wish to quote something very beautiful, because you need a ray of sunshine.
She Walks in Beauty
By Lord Byron (George Gordon)
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
Dear David (or Mr. Fawlty, love your profile pic ;))
Thank you so much for your kind compliment and the gorgeous poem from Lord Byron. Its so beautiful and soothing, thinking about printing it out and put it on my desk.
Thank you for saying I'm not alone. Seriously, this site makes me feel so touched that there are so many nice people out in this world, understanding what I'm going through. Thank you!
Hey Lydia, welcome!
The anger and guilt your feeling must be normal. I'm new to AR also after being in religion for 40 + years. I experienced a wide range of emotions among which is anger and guilt. Something that has helped me is that not all the people I knew then were out to intentionally deceive me. Were they intellectually lazy? Yes. I remember seeing nonmembers in the context of me wanting to help them. I cared about their well being. It is a mixed bag of people here. I like to think the friends I made then were just misguided. That helps with anger.
That being said, I can't comprehend a minister, church leader, sunday school teacher, etc, who spends time in "sincere" study of the bible not to see all the inconsistencies staring them in the face.
For me, the guilt is helped by continuous reinforcement of the facts and interaction with people that care about honest inquiry.
And that's all I got to say about that.
Dear Dan,
A fellow new-comer to AR! :) Thank you so much for reaching out and for your supporting words. You are so right. Its a great help knowing that most of the people were not out there to intentionally hurt us, they were also deceived. Just like my family. I love them, and I know they never intended to hurt me with this. Whenever I have my anger rising in me, I try to think of the fact they were deceived the same way (unintentionally) by their parents. It's just really sad and disgusting to see how this thing is so much bigger than us, individuals, and how whole mankind can be fooled and restricted and mindprisoned by religions. Once I could see this, I felt and feel really sad for humanity. I really hope once we could really overcome this. Sigh...until then, its great to have each other. :)
http://www.atheistrepublic.com/forums/atheist-hub/hey-theretrying-recove...
Dear Lydia,
Wow! I was actually brought to tears, literally, with your words. Not sad tears, but happy tears.
Those are the perhaps the kindest words anyone has said to me in over 20 years. They... brought tears of happiness to my eyes. Wow!
Only 29 huh? Yes, you definitely have your whole life ahead of you. Now that you can look at the world through clearer eyes and an unfogged mind, enjoy it for its NATURAL beauty. The awesome power which truly brought it into existence. Like Eintein, that is my God. The awesome power of natural reality that brought into existence such beauty and wonder. Yes, there is the bad. But I prefer the beauty.
And just from those kind words, I now know you are a beautiful person. Someone I would love to get to know as a dear friend. Just like Old Man, Tin-Man, Sheldon, Qu@si, David Killens, Greensnake, CyberLN, AP (can't remember how to spell it), Flamenca, Sushisnake, damn this Alzheimer's. For those others I cannot remember, my deepest apologies. I am truly sorry.
As succinctly as possible. Watch out, I may say succinctly, but I do tend to rant. But I shall endeavor...
Me mom started teaching me to read using the Bible when I was only 3½ years old. She caught me reading the cereal boxes at breakfast. Even at that young age, the Bible did not make any sense to me. I guess it was that somehow, probably subconsciously, I saw the irrational and contradictive nature of the Bible in accordance to the world as I saw it. For my fifth birthday, me mom gave me the novel Childhood's End by Sir Arthur C. Clarke. And made me write a five-page report on it. I loved the story so much I actually wrote a ten-page report. Two months later, Star Trek: The Original Series premiered on TV. I was forever hooked on science and science-fiction. About 1½ years after Star Trek ended, I was watching Neil Armstrong do his Small Step Giant Leap thing on live TV. After seeing that in the first eight years of one's life, how could that person believe in the Bible?
However, when I was six, I was forced to attend church with me mom and siblings. During the first four years, I was abused through corporal punshiment (i.e. – ass-whooping) because I was asking questions that they could not answer. Although it was not like Catholics, I was even repeatedly raped and beaten by the other Christian children because I was a godless heathen. Way back then, when I was still chasing T-rexes out of my backyard, the word "atheist" was not even known. Us who did not believe were called heathens, godless heathens, godless pagans, unbelievers, and if they were nice about it, they would call us doubters, or even nicer, rationalists.
The two biggest hoo-hahs I made against the church are 2nd Kings 2:23-25 and Matthew 10:34-37.
2nd Kings 2:23-25
He (Elisha) went up from there to Bethel. As he was going up by the way, some youths came out of the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldy! Go up, you baldy!” He looked behind him and saw them, and cursed them in Yahweh’s name. Then two female bears came out of the woods, and mauled forty-two of those youths. He went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.
I mean, what kind of God is going to send two female bears to mutilate and maul 42, 42!, children to death just because they made fun of a priest for having a bald head? Does making fun of someone with a bald head warrant the death penalty? Bullshit!
Needless to say, I got an ass-whooping from everyone over that one. The Sunday School Teacher, the Pastor, me mom, and me mom even talked me dad into whooping me for being a godless heathen.
Matthew 10:34-37
Jesus said: “Don’t think that I came to send peace on the earth. I didn’t come to send peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man at odds against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man’s foes will be those of his own household. He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me isn’t worthy of me.
My comment was that an imaginary person is not worthy of me if I am to love an imagination more than my mother and my father and siblings and, later, my children. Again, another ass-whooping from everyone. Except me dad. He refused because he agreed with me. He even said it was more honorable that I stood up for mine own beliefs than those of a person dead for over 1900 years.
I was abe to get away from church when I turned 13. My father's traditions said that once a child was the Age of Minority (13), that s/he had the right to choose for themselves. I chose to be freed.
I did not hear the word "atheist" until I joined the Navy. When asked what denomination I was, my first question was, "Isn't the denominator the bottom number of a fraction?" I was then informed about denominations of Christianity. I told them I was a Rationalist (still not knowing the word "atheist"). That I did not believe in the Bible. When I got my dog tags, that was when I saw the word "atheist." Even in the Navy I could not get away from it. When first reporting to my ship, the Captain told me I needed to see the Chaplain. I said, "Sir. I am an atheist. I do not need to see the Chaplain." Captain: "Well, the Ship's Chaplain likes to have a discussion with all new sailors on the ship. Seaman" Me: "With all due respect, Sir, unless you are given me a direct order to see the Ship's Chaplain, I shall not." Captain: "Then consider it an order. Dismissed." Then, I said only one thing to the Chaplain. "Sir. With all due respect, Sir. I am an atheist. I do not believe in that bullshit (pointing at his Bible). And I never shall." Of course, he went on about his bullshit and I just sat there saying nothing else. Didn't even answer his question except to say, "No comment. Sir" Never saw another Chaplain again.
I met and married my wife while on leave after my second year in the Navy. We even got pregnant. However, I shipped out on a 14 month mission so classified that we were not allowed any contact outside of our command. My wife could not even inform me we were pregnant, or of the birth. I did get to watch the video her mom made. When we returned home, I was trying to find my wife on the dock, but could not find her. One of my shipmates found her and pointed her out. I did not find her because I was not looking for a lady holding two 5 month old twin babies. I almost literally fainted. My shipmates even had to catch me and help me up. When my Captain found out, he granted me 30 days Captain's Liberty since our ship was going to be in Dry Dock for eight months of refits. I also took another 20 days leave. Alas, five months after returning to ship, there was an accident. I ended up being medically discharged (but still an Honorable Under Honorable) and returned home to my wife and daughters.
Now for the nightmare. Short and sweet.
I had the most wonderful 18 years of my life that any person in all of history could have lived. Of course, I am biased. However, tragedy in the form of a drunk driver murdered my wife and twin daughters, and almost got me.
I have spent the last 20 years since their deaths alone. Not completely, but still alone. The Hell I have endured was difficult. I have written an essay and a short book about this. It is the one thing that has helped the most. Getting it out of this mind made sick. I could provide links to them if interested. Don't worry, they are free.
And then I found Atheist Republic back in January this year. And have found myself a most wonderful new family. Of course, you will have to look past the "in-fun" bickering between Old Man, Tin-Man, and myself. And then there is Qu@si. He is a hoot.
Thus, trust me when I say, May all your long years to come have more happiness and joy than mine.
rmfr
Dear Arakish,
Wow, reading your comment...it's like being on a rollercoaster. Makes me happy, sad, relieved, feeling compassion and hope. First of all, I'm so touched by your words to me. You didn't know, but reading your first comment made me tearful too. It was just such an overwhelming feeling - and it is - that once I reached out to all of you on this website, I received so much love, compassion, cheering and support. I never expected this. I was even fearful of posting here, honestly feeling bit worried of being ridiculed (I guess that's what internet taught me...).
Thank you for your kind words and feelings and for saying I'm a beautiful person. I believe all of us are. :) It definitely feels like a trusted group of friends here.
About your life...wow. Your story was intense. I don't think I can write here anything that would do justice to how sorry I am for what u had to go through. In all these sadness and sorrow, I still feel so happy that you had those wonderful years with your family that you can forever cherish in your heart. Whatever happens, those memories are things noone can take from you.
About the religious abuse you had to endure, I really will never understand whats in parents minds when they do this to their children. Its unfathomable. But I'm glad your Dad was good enough to let you escape from this. How is your relationship now with your family? How could u overcome those trauma? You mentioned you were seriously hurt by other children too...I'm just so terribly sorry. There are really no words for this.
I know exactly what you mean about those Bible verses. Oh, I could cite hundreds more! I knew (know) the Bible so well. Since young age I read it almost every day. It was amazing "mindrape" to have to accept all those terrible deeds from a god that was supposed to be the greatest of all, and that i should worship. Not to mention, as a woman, it was terribly hard to accept all those misogynistic verses and aspects. I always had to think I'm worse than men - because god says so. What a great feeling.
I love Star Trek too. :) I wish one day we could live in a world like that...no religion...no discrimination...gosh, why does it feel so impossible?
For me, the hardest part is the guilt and anger. I'm 29, and actually I broke free at 27 - two years ago - but it was a very gradual process and I'm still not perfectly out of the bush. I still have bouts of guilt coming to my mind everyday. I have the urge to say sorry and ask for forgiveness. Eventhough I know that i dont believe in it anymore, and i dont have to, its been engraved in my mind to always ask for forgiveness, to always get on your knees and pray. I had to do it all the time, every day. Its not easy to break free from it.
The anger I feel is especially towards my parents, and I really do fight it because they are actually amazingly loving people, and I do love them with all my heart. I know my parents would have given their life for me (they still would) and they never intended to give me this nightmare. They are one of those people for whom religion brings peace and they never wanted me to become "crazy" with it. Thing is, when you have ur most trusted guardians, ur parents, people u love the most, telling you thats the right path and Bible is true to every word, and you are a little girl who always strives to be the best in everything (u know the nerdy girl who always aims for the best grades), its a very dangerous combination. There were years I punished myself for even smiling, because I had to repent for my (unexistent) sins. In my freetime, I was either reading Bible, or praying on my knees, asking for forgiveness. I know my parents never wanted this to happen, but it did, and I have no idea how different my life would have been if I had been raised by the same loving, albeit atheist parents. But I do my best to fight my anger for them because thru it all they were trying to help me (they were telling me God is love and I dont have to suffer...but if God is love, what about the Bible? And if those good people of Bible were killed by god for just much less than "my sins", how come I shouldnt be repenting all day?").
I just wish I can, one day, truly be free from this nightmare.
Anyway, I wrote so long as well, haha ;) All in all, thank you so much for welcoming me here. I truly appreciate it.
Love,
Lydia
@Lydia Re: "I never expected this. I was even fearful of posting here, honestly feeling bit worried of being ridiculed..."
Hello again, young lady. Glad to see you still hanging around. I know exactly what you mean about feeling apprehensive about making that first post on here. Since I'm not on FB, my wife actually encouraged me to find a debate site toward the end of last year. The reason was because I had all sorts of crap bouncing around in this rusted bucket-head of mine, but nowhere to really vent to get it all sorted.
Found the AR just by random chance, really, but it took me several days to get up the nerve to finally join it and make my first post. Much like you, I was nervous about how I would be accepted. Plus, I was still wrestling greatly with the stigma of being associated with a group of "those devil-worshipping baby-eating god-hating heathen atheists." You see, growing up in my world, simply hearing the word "atheist" was enough to send a chill down the spine and a feeling of strong repulsion through the gut. I could have told my family I was a mass murdering serial rapist who torches orphanages, and the reaction likely would have been, "Well, that's bad, but as long as you aren't an atheist we still love ya." *chuckle* But I finally sucked in a deep breath and took that first step off into the pool, and here I am today. Turned out to be the best decision I ever made.
We may not be all sophisticated, formal, or fancy around here, but we do like to think, and we do enjoy having fun. Heck, we even have a serious discussion or two every once in awhile. Otherwise, it's just a cool place to hang out, shoot the shit, vent, and learn. Like Arakish said, many folks here willing to help and give support.
Oh, speaking of Arakish, if he tries to hug you, best just to stand still and let him untangle the limbs and branches himself. Also, be advised he really hates it if you try building a tree house on him. (Found that out the hard way....*rubbing top of head*.... ) Oh, and if you happen to see Old Man in the parking lot riding around in circles on his tricycle while loudly (and badly) singing "Down Under", don't be too alarmed. He likes his wine a bit too much sometimes. Just stay clear until he topples over. It's hell on the shins if he runs into you.
Hey dear Tin-Man,
Thank you for your supporting words. Yes, it's so unusual and amazing to find a place where we can be really ourselves and be welcomed. I laughed at your depiction of the reaction to the word atheist and i totally get you. It's crazy how people get freaked out at hearing that someone is an atheist...
Hahaha, thanks a million for your advice! I will keep in mind, eventhough I love treehouses...not to mention the song "Down Under" ;)
Welcome to AR Lydia!
I have not gone through what you have, (years of heavy indoctrination) but let me tell you, you will find unending support here.
When I first came here I was more agnostic, and was not as confident if I was "right" about the whole "is there a god" answer. Now through this site support I get confirmation by like minded people on the subject that makes everything much easier, you are not alone and the transition is easier with like minded people to talk to and listen (read) to.
Dear LogicForTW,
Thank you so much for your warmhearted words and welcome! Yes, I already feel the unending support here. :) It feels so good to know I'm not alone. It is so much easier to transition this way. Thanks a million!
Lydia,
Will work on a response later, but just a reminder, when you have the time, be sure to peruse the Debate Room threads. Even go back about pages worth and read them.
I have to admit, I actually found Atheist Republic in November 2017. I was just a phantom peruser reading most of the threads about 10 pages and working back forward. Of course 10 pages back for me then is probably 30 pages back now. As I said, just 10 pages back, find thread titles that interest you and read. The best arguments I have seen have been posted by Sheldon, LogicForTW, Greensnake, David Killens, Sapporo. I am sure there are others but can't remember. Sometimes for hilarity Tin-Man, Old Man, and Quasi are the best.
Foremost, you should obey my third commandment of Forum Board reading:
Thou shalt not be drinking or eating whilst thou art perusing forum boards for thou shalt never know when a post may cause great spewage.
Have fun and enjoy your new true life.
rmfr
Welcome to AR Lydia!
It might take so time to get over the guilt. You were never born into sin. Sin is a human construct designed to control people's lives and keep them in the church. Now your free of the evil of religion.
While your at YouTube try watch Bionicdance, she has some great videos against religion.
Thank you Xenoview. I know, and you are totally right, sin is a human construct, and I know that very well in my mind. But it takes time...i guess lots of time til I can totally be free from the guilt that I learnt to live with my whole life. Thank you for your suggestion, I will check her channel out on youtube!
Hello Lydia, I hope you are having a good day.
Like others have stated, it is not easy to shake off this brainwashing you have been subject to for many years. Please be patient, and strive for small improvements.
One personal method I used was to give "sin" and "guilt" a hard look.
Do we sin, do we do wrong? Yes, no one is perfect, we all slip up. But in my mind, it all revolves around the "do no wrong to others" concept. If I have wronged someone, I try to make amends. That also takes care of the guilt part.
And that is how I live. I make great efforts to do no wrong to others, and if I realize that I have done harm by my actions, I try to make amends. That is all I can do, and once I have attempted to make amends, then the issue is a closed book, and I can sleep well at night.
Lydia, you are a good person. Please, never forget that.
Do no harm to others, make amends if necessary, be happy.
Thank you so much David. What you write about sin and guilt is so true. Yes, i believe we are all imperfect, making mistakes, and thats perfectly fine, as long as we try not to harm others. And once we try to make amends, it should be done. Thank you for saying such lovely things - I'm touched. We are all good persons. Its a shame on those people who tried to make us believe otherwise.
And here are some other great YouTube channels and series.
Aron Ra's Debunking Noah's Flood Story
Aron Ra's Fundamental Falsehoods of Creationism
Aron Ra's Refuting the Irrefutable Proof of God
Thunderf00t's Why do people laugh at creationists?
Paulogia
Godless Cranium
Godless Engineer (Warning: He is about as foul-mouthed as I am.)
Viced Rhino
Prophet of Zod (A former Christian Academy teacher.)
Professor Stick (He mostly does genetics and can be hard to follow.)
Shannon Q (She is fabulous. She is a social worker with a degree in psychology. It might be fun to see her and John 6IX Breezy debate.)
Holy Koolaid
Nightmare Fuel
And if you like science:
Isaac Arthur (He has a speech impediment with the letter "r" but I can still understand him perfectly.
Numberphile (This is about mathematics and probably boring for everyone except me.)
Physics Girl
A bunch of the other science channels you would probably find boring since they are class lectures.
And that is less than a third of all the channels I subscribe to.
rmfr
Dear Arakish,
Thank you so much for such an extensive list...so many channels and series, I will check them out! And - love your commandment ;)) (Albeit heard from Tin Man that you don't like treehouses...sigh)
Hi Lydia, welcome to this forum. My name is Mark and I have struggled with the very thing you are going through. My experiences with christianity have been mainly based on grandparents and parents, who are all gone now. They were all christians, except my father abandoned his faith before his death last year.
When I say we have been brainwashed, I do not mean to demean you or anyone else. Conditioning to believe in something our whole lives is not something that will just leave abruptly. It takes a lot of time, help from people here and over time you reach a point where it fades until you have realization that is was all just a lie. I would say it comes in stages, much like grief. The only difference is that the death of losing your faith is a good thing, not like losing someone.
It is freeing, liberating and while I am not exactly where I want to be as an atheist, I know in time I will get there too. Call it a work in progress and just remind yourself of that each time you fell guilty. The real guilt should be on the ones who started all of the imaginary stories that did this to some of us.
Glad to have you here! Mark
Hey dear Mark,
Thank you so much for your comment and telling me that you struggled with the same thing, it means a lot to me to talk to people who has been thru the same thing.
I really know and understand what you mean by brainwashing: we all been brainwashed by religion, and those who brainwashed us have been brainwashed too. It's a crazy cycle humans got trapped in for so long, I wonder if we will be ever free from it.
Yes, its definitely a work in progress. It takes time, long time...how about you, how long were you struggling with these guilt feelings after you left christianity?
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.
Guilt is about something. What are you feeling guilty about? The primary goal of the Christian faith is to make you feel guilty. After all the Son of god died for your filthy thoughts and behaviors. You are an unworthy piece of sht whose only value is in subjugating yourself to the will of a god. Only in this is there any worth at all for a piece of sinful crap like yourself. If I believed that shit I would feel guilty too. What's your point?
Dear Cognostic,
Thank you and yes, I totally agree with you. and I KNOW this with my mind. But if you have been made to believe this everyday in your life for close to 30 years, its very hard not to still feel guilt, like a silent companion. I know its bullshit, I know I'm NOT guilty....just its hard to eradicate the emotion that has been pressurized into you your whole life. Its a process...
Hang in there Lydia, religion messed you up, and it will take time to heal. Please remember that many others went through exactly the same painful experience, and over time, fixed their heads.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
Right now it looks pretty daunting and huge. Take it slow and easy, eventually you will finish that elephant.
Thank you dear David. I'm actually feeling so much better already since joining AR. Strength is really in the numbers!!(And by numbers, I don't mean the Book of Numbers ;)
Frankly speaking, if I had been forced to believe this crap for 30 years I would not be feeling guilty, I would be pissed as hell. Lucky for me I was only a born again Christian for about 3 years and gave it up not long after wanting to become a preacher. Once I looked into it the BS became overtly obvious. I think you are just too nice of a person to let the anger out. You still want to be liked, even by the people who have lied to you all this time. (Just the random thought I had while reading your last post.) What if you were not feeling guilty, what would you feel next? Is the guilt saving you from rage? Is it preventing depression at being lied to for all these years? Set the guilt aside and ask yourself what is next. Then set that aside and ask the question again. Do it again and again and see if you can not discover what is really going on. Do this, and you will know when you hit the answer. It will hit you like a ton of bricks and the "guilt" will not matter any more.
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