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Donating = Loving
Bringing you atheist articles and building active godless communities takes hundreds of hours and resources each month. If you find any joy or stimulation at Atheist Republic, please consider becoming a Supporting Member with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of tea and a good dinner.
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You are absolutely right, and dont get me wrong, I feel tons of anger. Guilt is just smth that comes back as a nagging feeling (something i was used to for so long being a christian, kinda became a bad habit (that was reinforced as good). Anger is very real and been feeling it since I quit. But I wanna let go of both of them, guilt too, anger too. Just want peace. But I'm getting there, day by day!
I guess one could liken recovering from RSTD (Religious Stigmatic Trauma Disorder) to the stages of Grief: Denial/Guilt, Anger/Resentment, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
As David and others have said, it is a process. It takes time. And using a different analogy (because I do not particularly like elephant meat): How does one complete a 1000 kilometers journey? One step at a time.
BTW: RSTD is a new hypothesis I use to describe the combined mental disorders suffered by the truly Religious Absolutists: Inferiority Complex Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Schizophrenic Delusion Disorder, and Dissociative Disorder.
rmfr
Hey Lydia! Welcome to the atheist republic! Please make yourself at home and ask any questions on your mind! That sort of stuff we love! Everyone here is always willing to help and offer advice! Really helped me out when I needed it. Speaking of which I was in your situation not too long ago so I completely understand what you’re going through. My entire family are hardcore fundamentalist Christians and I still have not worked up the course to tell them I’m an atheist yet. It’s a very arduous process but the recovery is absolutely possible. The best way I know to help is to always examine your reasons for leaving and the reasons you are now an atheist. The reasons you have are what drive you forward. If you’ve analyzed the data, studied your ass off, and really dug deep into thinking and learning all you can and you’ve reached this conclusion, you shouldn’t feel guilty for being intellectually honest. If there is a god, he gave you you’re cognitive faculties for a reason. I cannot possibly imagine that those reasons are so that he can send you to hell for using them. In all reality, no crime is severe enough to warrant eternal punishment. Please feel free to contact me at any time! I’m always looking for new friends! Everyone here is awesome. Welcome again! Hope this helps
Dear Justin!
Thank you so much for your kind words. It always feels good to hear from people who had to go thru similar experiences. And thank you so much for saying recovery is absolutely possible. I do know its all in me! I love what you say about if there is god, he gave me cognitive faculties for a reason. So true. Thank you dear, love to have new friends in this wonderful realm of AR!
I disagree with this "long process" BS. I know people wallow in this process and feel justified in doing so; nevertheless, there comes a day when you just let it all go. There comes a day when you sit down, figure it out, and just say "NO MORE." There is nothing at all preventing you from making that day TODAY but your own thinking. You make the guilt. You make the anger.. You make the excuses. And only you can make the decision to stop the nonsense. You can do it now or you can do it 10 years from now. The thing you are going to realize once you finally make the decision is that you could have done it all along. Nothing prevented you from doing it. Nothing.
@Cog Re: "There is nothing at all preventing you from making that day TODAY but your own thinking..... You make the excuses. And only you can make the decision to stop the nonsense."
Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Once a person finally realizes their religion is null and void, it is time to put all that guilt and anger in the rearview mirror. Why allow it to control your thoughts and emotions another minute longer than it already has?
Problem, though, is that everybody processes and handles stuff like that in their own unique ways. Another factor, I imagine, is how deeply an individual was immersed in all the nonsense and for how long.
In my case, for example, I never really bought in to the whole thing very much in the first place. But the concept of Satan and hell got so deeply instilled in me that it took me almost fifty years to finally drop that hot potato, despite all the nagging doubts that filled my mind over the years. Fortunately for me, once I did finally let it all go, it was fairly easy for me to get over those lingering side-effects of guilt and doubt. Sure, I had a few moments of second-guessing myself here and there, but they quickly passed. This site (and even many of your own posts, specifically, my friend) were a big help in that respect.
Anyway, like you said, the quicker a person puts all that behind them, the better. Otherwise, they are simply allowing the religion to continue to control them, but just in an indirect manner. Sadly, some folks just take longer than others, though.
@Lydia
By the way, ol' Cog may seem a little rough around the edges at times, but make no mistake he speaks the truth and says the things you need to hear.
Yeah, talking about hell and satan...gosh, all that bullshit... oh my (god??lol), feels so bloody great to be out of that (literal) hellhole.
@cog when you said the long process statement weed you referring to what I said? Cuz as you pointed it took me less than a year to get through it. I was trying to say it’s difficult based on how heavily indoctrinated and absorbed into you were you know? For me it was my whole life but all it really took for me was to embrace science. I started studying science and how it works and it made so much more sense and actually answered questions. But I definitely agree with you that eventually you will just say “no more” which is what happened to me. But I was only indoctrinated for ~15 years. I also was always a little skeptical but was always told to never embrace that side of myself. So all I had to do was just let go of that restraint. Anyways, good to hear from you buddy! Hope all is well
Not to worry Justin: It takes as long as it takes. The comment comes from my work with other therapists. ( I was a trainer who signed off on hours for licensing.)
Many times people have the idea that because something bad happens to them, it will take a long time to get over or fix. (This just isn't the case.)
Analogy: A person comes into a therapist presents any kind of problem Imagine the problem as a big hole in the ground. My life is horrible because of X. What a therapist should never do is climb down in the hole with them. "Yes, X is a terrible thing and it will take lots of work to climb out of the hole." Instead, a therapist should ask, "Where is the hole and why don't you just climb out?" "What is preventing you from climbing out? Is it real?" "How long do you plan on staying down there?" These are much more useful areas of inquiry. In the end it takes as long as it takes but it can take a whole lot longer when missilery has company.
You say it took you a year but looking back, couldn't it just have taken you 6 months or 6 weeks if only you had realized what you know know now. The answers were always there. The escape rout was always there. There were no big secrets. The way out was just sitting there. And yet, we just can't take it until we are ready. Sometimes a person who knows this can offer a little push. (Hope that explains it.)
@Cog: You are so damn right. Seriously. Thank you.
:-)
@Lydia Re: Cog
See? Told ya. *grin*
:)))
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