Please help me!
I was born and raised Christian, and still am, but science, reason and logic has shaken my faith.
I'm now in a situation where I fear that I may develop a split personality to survive - one that can 'praise the Lord' and one that can look at facts and reality and embrace them without feeling guilty when they contradict the Bible.
Interestingly my faith and understanding of scripture has become more and more 'spiritual' and less and less literal as things have progressed; I guess in an attempt to escape the ire of reality.
I get the feeling that many who do not believe in God do not understand how difficult it is for some to let him go. My whole basis of understanding from childhood is centered on God. Religion and faith in God is extremely self-reinforcing so that it becomes a total product of itself without a foundation in reality. We even give the self-reinforcement individual agency and give it names like Holy Spirit. It becomes alive and active but remains a product of the mind.
Even writing this causes me fear of retribution or punishments - the 'praise the Lord' part of me anyway. Sigh.
I'm so lost and isolated, because I run from religious fellowship which seems to be happy with a world view that conflicts with reality, and I can't fit in in reality and those that are sensible because my 'spirit' accuses me constantly and pushes me to give it (reality/flesh) up for eternal reward. I'm at breaking point to be honest.
Don't know if anyone will read this or care, at least it feels good just to say it. maybe I need to see a professional - then again I was taught they are secular and don't promote God.
This situation can be referred to as a case of being totally mind F!@#$%D (please forgive my swearword Lord).
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