I have a problem and would greatly appreciate any advice. I don't want to hide in the shadows anymore. I want to stand up for equality without doing so over the internet in secret. How can I explain to my overly religious parents that I am an atheist? I know that declaring so will make many people hate and leave me. I have seen my parents react negatively towards gay rights and other things. My father is a strict creationist and I am afraid of what he will do if he finds out I do not believe in any god (until evidence proves his or her existence). I do not want my family to stop themselves from asking questions and learning new things. I want to be free to respectfully speak my mind and hear different perspectives without being punished for it. I will be out on my own soon, however the career I long to be a part of isn't even supported by my family. I love my family, but sometimes I wonder if they love me enough to let me go my own path and explore without threats of going too hell. It is very lonesome sometimes because when I want to talk about a deep and philosophical or scientific subject, they don't even comprehend what I am talking about so I have to "dumb down" my words, so to speak. I do not want to hide forever and miss out on all the potential my brain could possibly have that had been hidden from me for so long. Any advice?
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If your parents really care, you will be able to do exactly that. My dad was an extreme, drunken case. Yours should not react so. Just don't intentionally PO them.
I'm not sure I can be of good advice. In France, being an atheist mostly remains well regarded than being gay/lesbian (even if I fear this acceptance will dwindle with the constant raise of Islam), so even an atheist who has grown up in a religious family can find support outside.
If I can make a suggestion, why not propose your family to consider some unconventional teachings of Jesus that could open their conscience to other approaches of religion and to your need of personal scrutiny? I find that the Gospel According to Thomas can be of help; it presents Jesus under a new light, as this verse shows : "Yeshua says: Let him who seeks not cease seeking until he finds; and when he finds he shall be troubled; and having been troubled he shall marvel, and he shall reign over the totality." (You can read it here: http://freelyreceive.net/metalogos/files/thomas.html)
If your parents are deeply religious, it could be a good idea to introduce your atheism gradually.
I hope you the best.
The good news of what dinamor suggests (and it was a good suggestion) is that there's so many interpretations of religion so there's bound to be something you can find to help them be more accepting of you. The bad news is, they may be so stuck in their ways that they refuse any new interpretations. But you'll never know if you don't try.
From my experience, my parents had a hard time with my lack of beliefs, but I did just sort of spring it on them out of the blue. They responded poorly, slowly accepted it, and they've even stopped telling me it's a phase. So parents can be a bit of a wild card but they usually seem to come around. Peers, in my experience, aren't always as accepting but sometimes that'd better, so you're not stuck in friendships with people trying to change a fundamental aspect of you. That gets exhausting.
A good argumentation to present the legitimacy of your doubts can be that of Thomas Paine in The Age of Reason, ch. 2, "Of Missions and Revelations" (you can read the whole book here: https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Age_of_Reason). Paine wasn't an atheist; his deism could be a step of a progressing path towards revealing your atheism to your parents.
To which denomination do they belong, if I may ask?
Andromeda, would it be ok to pm you? I tried once, and it said you weren't accepting them.
You need to type in Godlessandfree, as that is her username, whereas Andromeda is her screen name.
Yes you can message me. For some reason messages are not coming through.
All superstitions (religious or otherwise) come to an end. We are the future, they the past.
I don't have advice, but I hope your parents (or any religionist) doesn't wish to be thought prejudiced against non-believers. We are everywhere and often the majority.
The trouble with families is, that you never know, if they can accept you (truly) when you break out - or are just different - or anything. Families are made up of imperferct people, who happen to have kids. One can be lonely in a family for many reasons - too clever, too quirky, too dumb, too much of a disappontment because you did NOT become a lawyer/doctor/carpenter-ion-dad's-workshop. Or - Parents are dysfunctional, drink, break up, hate you because they are screwed up - or a million other reasons. Few families are truly happy AND truly in touch - those are rare gems, to be admired and treasured, most families are weird.
So. You will perhaps have a deep philosophical talk with your mom - in - thirty years? If she changes, bevcomer secular, philosophical, and after three decades of fighting.
On the other hand. you may find good friends to have your enlightened conversations with- while your family continues in creationist circles. Which is very likely.
I guess, it will be a bit like coming out - if you tell them:
"Folks - Mom, Dad, Siblings - I love you, but I am not religious anymore, and will never be again.
Take it or leave it - think about of for a bit - cast me off, if need be, but would much rather, you'd accept me, as I am. Don't worry, I won't go to hell - there isn't any. I won't see you in heaven - as I don't believe in going there, either.
So perhaps we could make the best out of our time on earth - because there won't be a second chance.
Anyway, thanks for everything - I do appreciate and love you - I wish, we were seeing more eye to eye on the god question, and the fact of evolution.But we don't. So that's that. I hope you can deal with it. You probably felt, this was coming - and, actually, I am glad, it's out. Your religion is not for me. I know, all your friends belive in god, and creation, so there is no room for me there - but I hope, we can still be a family among ourselves. I really would appreciate it. I know it's not easy on you - it's not easy for me to say this, at all - but I hope, and I would be eternally grateful, if you could accept a black sheep/prodigal daughter - living and believeing different, but loving you, still."
Something like that - may go terribly wrong, or may bring out the better impulse in them . at least, it would be honest.
Be prepared to make it on your own, though. And - do not hold it against them TOO much - parents are - alas - but human - and are not the fabled mythological supermartyrs they are made out to be in folklore - even a parent's love is not always altogether unconditional - they will be very, very disappointed - and it may take forever and three days to make them accept you fully - even if you become the president of the entire universe - if they can't relate to what you are doing.
..
Otherwise, just move out, and go on semi-pretending - have nice christmases, go to church, when you are visiting home - and never speak about about your heathendom - beacuse that may end up in never ending quarrels and stress.
Perhaps you could even draw up an official truce with them - not to talk about religion, god, or evolution.
Long discussions are mostly fruitless and end in fighting, blaming, shaming, crying, yelling, slamming doors.. A year apart is sometimes better - because everyone will then see, how serious you are about your stance - ad also, how much you mean to one another..
If they display interest in evolution - one day - be careful, friendly, and just let them in on the fascination of it all - but be wary of trick questions - neither try to convince them, nor let them trap you up and exasperate you.
My, what a long post.. hope it helps a little bit - perhaps by making you see that this is totally NOT the way for you..
I do wish you the best, though, and I do hope, you find a way not to constrict your own mind and life and yet to stay in an okay relationship with your family..