Welcome one and all. Motivated by Grin's fabulous chess analogy, I invite everyone to join in on an endeavor of entertainment value of the highest quality. It's the game of kings and world rulers. It is a game of long-term strategy and sacrifice. It is the game that take take you to the apex of your full intellectual capacity, while at the same time dismantling the very foundation of your mind and burying you in a dark bottomless pit of your own making. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the game of which I speak is known as.... *dramatic drumroll*... Chess!
To play, simply challenge an opponent of your choosing, and begin. It is strictly the responsibility of the opposing players to maintain their integrity and keep track of their moves. Any disputes shall be settled by naked arm wrestling between the two competitors.
Since Whitefire and I already started a game in Grin's parable thread, I shall carry our opening moves over here so that we may continue. Everybody else, please pair up and... LET THE GAMES BEGIN!...
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Where are our moves?!? You were keeping track of our moves?!?!? Shit! I threw a move in one of the threads... are we doing it here????
OK going by memory... to be fair - I moved C4n
Whew...
Okay, so, White went first (obviously) with an opening move of R12. Seeing such a cunning first move, I naturally opted for a move of C3PO without hesitation. On the surface, her next move of G1P may have appeared brilliant. Sadly, though, she was not prepared for THIS....
C4.... KA-BOOOOM, BABY!... Doesn't that just blow your mind?!?... Plus, I just captured your king's rook. You might want to hide under something sturdy while the fallout settles...
@White Re: Your C4n move...
Wow... Barely three moves in and you are already trying to cheat, I see. Trying to make an extra move ahead of me, eh? Fine, fine... *waving hand in dismissal*... It is of little consequence. I actually predicted you would do that, for I am able to see dozens of moves ahead. So, by all means, do what you must to survive. Your demise is inevitable. With that in mind, my next move is...
M1A.... (This is too easy, really. Just like rolling over a motor scooter with a tank... *yaaaaaawn*....)
Bwahhhh
Haaaaaaaa haaaaaaa. Look above Tinny, look above
I did C4n prior to your “C4” soo withdraw and chose again
:)
Edited to
Add: one move ahead...I’m reading your mind today ;)
Your move. Oh, and if you are reading my mind, you would already know I am reading YOUR mind, in which case you would also know I am thinking about many WRONG moves to make you think you are predicting what I will do.
Tim man ...
Go back to your “area” ... the one rated...
PG13
You’re playing with a grown up now
@White
Ahhhh.... Yes, the popular PG13 maneuver. Very crafty indeed... IF you are in jr. high school. Hah! Well, since you feel you can hang with the big dogs now, try this...
K9... (Ouch... Doesn't that just bite?)
Edit to add: Oh, and you are now missing one of your pretty little ponies.
Oh Tin, you may have thought I was psychic, being able to read your moves ahead...but I may just be...
C1A
@White Re: C1A
Well now... *nodding head in approval*... Looks like you may actually have some fieldcraft skills after all. Working behind the scenes right out in the open, eh? Very smooth.
Sadly, however, there are some things even THAT maneuver cannot survive. Say hello to my little friend....
B1B... (You can run, but you can't hide.)
https://youtu.be/17lkdqoLt44
Aaaand, with that, I just nuked three of your pawns all at once.
Ugh!!! See pic....
Psyche!!!! Your moves are like your cheque’s...
N5F
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@Whitefire Re: Pug Pic
...*quickly diverting eyes*.... Arrrrrgh! Dirty pool, bitch!.. *shielding eyes from pic as best as possible*... Using such adorable cuteness to distract your opponent tells me you are getting desperate!... *fighting urge to look at pic again*... So you wanna play dirty, huh? FINE! I can play dirty too....
DP2...
(Oh, and if you don't trust my checks, then don't try to cash them!)
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Ohhhhhh
OHHhHhHJhHH. (Can’t speak with “O” shaped mouth and big bulging eyes!!!!
Dirty Pool ...Tin... Dirty Pool!
However - your “prowess” chess moves have as much in common with Fisher as Coronavirus and (are you ready???)
5G
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EJIKaE3DMrY
I will retire and allow my mind to rest after a mentally exhausting day!
Until tomorrow - rustbucket - until tomorrow...
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ129oZ1mzc
@White Re: 5G
Dammit!...*cringing*... And there goes both my holy men. Shriveled them up like a drinking straw in a trash fire... *sucking air through teeth*... Aw, geeeeez! I can't believe you had the audacity to make that call! It would seem, however, that we are on the same frequency. Because it just so happens I already had THIS data package ready to send...
OICU812... (Your circuits are frying now, aren't they? How does it feel watching that cell tower crumble to the ground?)
By the way, nice try with the puppy pic distraction again. But I have donned my PNG's (Puppy Negation Glasses) for the duration of the game. Hah!
And, David... I would call foul for your attempted interference, but I don't want to arm wrestle you. I'm afraid you would hurt me..... (and I'd rather not see you naked).
@ Tin Man
How did you discover my gaming name?
Fights Naked.
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@David
Please remind me to never spar with you... *shudder*...
Dammit! That brilliant move on your part opened a can of kickass! (I’d say worms, but they just lay there moving slowly, easy to step on)
So now looking at our pieces wherein you easily removed my horse-ees, and castles...uh, some, most of the “pawns”... my queen (thought you had me there, eh???), and now have me locked in a corner with a pawn as my protector and warrior ...
I now pull out the big guns ...(remember to use your fingers to enlarge photo). This little beauty was secretly handed to me by a “Russian” I had dated...
Btw...it’s 2am...got up to pee and make sure there was “no thief in the night” (yes, yyeessss...I am outwitting their Jesus, himself!!!)
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@White Re: "Secret" message move
Hah! Thought you were being cryptic, huh? Well, I hate to disappoint, but those silly little mind games do not work on me. I easily deciphered your elementary attempt at sneaking in that ancient code. I wrote more complex messages on a Texas Instruments calculator as a child... *evil laugh*...
Now, brace yourself for...
MST3K... (I bet your Russian sweetheart didn't know THIS move!)
Oh, and for the record, I have not taken your queen. Matter of fact, I haven't seen her on the board since the fourth move. Perhaps she got scared and ran away, maybe? I did, however, just now scoop up one of your bishops and that poor little pawn he was "blessing".
I can't believe no one has played C19 yet. It's all the rage right now.
@NewSkeptic Re: C19
What the...?... *throwing hands up in exasperation*... Well, gee, thanks for just ruining my game plan, buddy... *rolling eyes*... I was saving that move to sneak it in if she somehow started to strengthen her position and become more powerful. It would have totally weakened her entire infrastructure and made her an easy target. Can't use it now, though. Now I have to rework my entire strategy. Ugh!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pivu75yaSU
Ahhhh!!!!! Panting..... I feel it. The cold, black arms of defeat herself wrapping her embrace around me... *shallow breathing*
I am drawing on previous life experience...oh, it’s coming to me...the verse...
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. (Ps 23:4)
****burp**** that’s where my queen went!!!! Fuck, I thought she was a doggy-biscuit... oh well
Drawing on my “spiritual” resources ....
J4W3H 54V35!!!
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@White Re: J4W3H 54V35!!! move
Oh, fuck! There went my queen's rook and a couple of pawns! Thankfully, I had my knights using iron chariots... *wiping beads of sweat from brow*... Alright.... Okay... *nodding head*... I see how you are... Shit just got real... Fine... Let's see how you like...
4nic8u.... (WITHOUT lube...) Speaking of which, I'll be taking that last bishop, by the way.
Re: 4nic8u
You went way below the belt on that one!!!!! And without lube!!!! I am past my menopause I’ll have you know!
Put the bishop back!!!! You fucked up the move!!!
It should have been:
4nic8 “r”
Give me yours Tin boy, give me yours...
@White
You already have my bishops. And I'm sure they are having their fun with those couple of pawns you have there. But I digress...
So, I see you used the ol' 4nic8r counter-move. What a weak cumback. I expected a more "explosive" reaction. Guess I must be losing my touch.... *bored sigh*... It's of little matter now, though. This cat and mouse game is growing tiresome... *yaaaawn*.... Time to set about bringing it to its inevitable end....
RENO911
No-one, but no-one can help me now (wahhhhh, wahhhhh, wahhhhhhhh). ****kur-flush**** (jahweh is gone :( )
Fiddle-sticks! I forgot about that move (secretly passed from law enforcement to law enforcement)
Oh fuck it!!!! You win (chows down on king - burp)
I know when I’m done for ... after all, you “can’t beat a law-enforcement cheetah...”
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@White Re: Law enforcement cheetah
Yes, swift of foot and nimble in thought we are. And a favorite motto we have for confrontation incidents is: "If ya ain't cheatin', ya ain't tryin'." (Of course, this is also a popular military mantra, but that's another story altogether.)
So nice to see you finally relented to my relentless tsunami of unstoppable force. No reason for you to be ashamed, though. You were quite the worthy opponent, and there are a couple of areas of severe damage in my armor that testify to that fact. I take no pleasure in defeating amateurs... *flourishing bow of respect*... Quite skilled, you are, M'lady.
Now, where the hell did you get that pic? Looks almost just like my police academy graduation photo.
Waiting...waiting....WAITED
*proudly places king back on board*
You think that’s sick?!?!?!
COVID19
Sucka! :)
@White
...*sniff-sniff*... *suddenly pinching nose closed*.... Eeeeeeeeewwwww!.... *gag*... I would call a foul, but I don't want to have to touch your hand to arm wrestle... *dry heave*.... Oh, that is SO wrong!...
Obviously, I have underestimated you. Butt your deceptive digestion scheme will not put me in a bind! Let's see you try to hold onto you advantage NOW...
3-n-1... (Slippery little fucker, ain't I?)
Oh my...falling back to your personal favourite “confuse the enemy”, eh?
I’m pushing forward with one of my favourite moves ...
W7F ?!?!?
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