Where exactly did Jesus go when he supposedly ascended?

“After saying this, he was taken up into a cloud while they were watching, and they could no longer see him. As they strained to see him rising into heaven, two white-robed men suddenly stood among them. ‘Men of Galilee,’ they said, ‘why are you standing here staring into heaven? Jesus has been taken from you into heaven, but someday he will return from heaven in the same way you saw him go!’” Acts 1:9-11 NLT

The Jews didn't have a clue. Where exactly would Jesus go if he went past the clouds? It sure wasn't heaven! I guess that's why he never came back. He's been floating around in outer space now for the past 2,000 years.

But seriously, our society could teach the writer's of the Bible so much. If we could go back in time, we could teach them that there's a thing called epilepsy, and that actually a whole slew of things they thought were demonic possession were really nothing more than various illnesses.

And of course, we could teach them that Heaven isn't just beyond the clouds, or that Jesus would really have anywhere to go if he went past the clouds.

Hell has also become more laughable for me in recent times. I grew up being bombarded with fear-laden language about Hell. I come from a conservative Holiness background and believe you me they have their hell-fire sermons. But when I started questioning all this, it started to unravel and reveal itself as the goofy caricature that it is.

Imagine doing nothing all day, every day, except standing in some flames, being chewed on by a demon every now and then for millions upon millions of years. Sure, it would suck to begin with. But how long would it really take before it's just another day in bores-ville? And if my body is dead, how can I feel anything in the first place? Does my soul have little nerve-endings? No one who believes in Hell can really explain how you can suffer without a body. Nor can they explain where this magical place even is. Some may say it's in a different dimension. Christians love the word dimension because it sounds more scientific than saying fairy-tale land.

Hearing I'm going to Hell is just a silly, empty threat to me now. It's too bad so many people still believe in this rubbish though.