To be quite honest, I have been thinking deeply about some things, things that I cannot speak aloud. Social constructs seem to define so much of our lives, and I wish there was a way to make it stop. I'm realizing, as moratorium settles upon me once again, that everything I once was is now dead. Am I dead?

I'm not depressed, however I have dealt with depression when I was faced with cruel, logical thinking. I cannot fathom how anyone can instantly accept with atheism after they were once religious, for I was, and when I faced the facts of my meaningless existence and the truth of science, I was defiant at first. I did not want to accept the truth, nor did I want to believe that all I'd ever known was a lie. Sometimes I wonder if everything that exists is a lie, and maybe nothing really exists.

I love science, and the more I open my mind and explore, the more I feel I am reaching my full intellectual potential. I am, unfortunately, questioning myself again, my personality, my dreams, and my intentions. I am an atheist. I am partially a nihilist. I want to understand, and now I am lost again from the path I was once on. The road was blocked, so I had to take an alternative route.

This unknown can take me to places I've never been, yet it could also entirely change me. I suppose the unknown frightens me a little, which makes sense, as I am human and am capable of feeling fear, pain, loneliness. I am lonely in my mind. The positive thing about this identity crisis is that I can learn something new about myself, which is my personal purpose in my meaningless life: to find myself.

This little forum honestly probably makes no sense whatsoever, and I dearly wish that I could delete some of my own naive little posts from when I was too afraid to think and when I was new and a naive little child. If you have regretted reading this post, I deeply apologize, I am simply thinking and needed to put my thoughts somewhere. If you have any thoughts, go ahead and post, I will not be offended or hurt by criticism.

Thank you.