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Rojavon's picture

My faith has failed. My family will be be heartbroken. I'm scared.
Any help to behad?

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Walker's picture
Hmmm help? I would say

Hmmm help? I would say congratulations on finally removing the blindfold my friend. Welcome to freedom!

SammyShazaam's picture
I know right? I think you're

I know right? I think you're in the wrong place for condolences and consolation, my friend... the rest of us are actually *happy* to be here!

Zaphod's picture
I think i t would be goo to

I think it would be good to take a look around this section of the site and the atheist hub lower in the forums area in these areas you'll find lots of wonderful advise that certainly could apply to your situation. Unfortunately, there is a real lot to cover for your situation and you may want to be more specific. I do think you should take the time to look around and see what advise has been asked for and granted. Everybody's situation is unique.

But in the mean time, who are you and where do you stand in your family. What role do you play in your family?Are you a father child one of multiple children Grandparent ect...? I can see from your profile that you choose to label yourself non-atheist. Are you agnostic? I can also see you said you were 42. which happens to be a number that has a lot in common with me.

Really though, there is tons and tons of good sincere advice that has been given on this site often differing a lot based on the situations they apply to.

Spewer's picture
Faith is a very comforting

Faith is a very comforting part of your life, and it can be unsettling when it fails. That discomfort is even more pronounced for people whose beliefs involve lots of guilt and fear, as mine did. Those in your faith will tell you that you don't want to fail god after all god has done for you (guilt). Then of course there's the standard hell threat (fear). These are mind traps specifically designed to keep you in the fold.

People around you probably think you actually chose to stop believing, and that you could simply choose to start again merely by trying harder. It turns out that beliefs are more complicated, though. In fact, I suspect you (and I) are incapable of believing that way again. For example, can you choose to believe that I am in your room tossing small rodents at your head? Even if you could imagine what that might be like, unless you have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, you will not be able to *sincerely* believe it. Faith is not a mere choice like choosing which shirt to wear.

You may enter a period of bitterness, feeling that those around you betrayed you by indoctrinating you, but you have to realize that they truly thought they were doing you a favor and didn't know better. Soon you will begin to really appreciate the freedom and release from the bonds of faith - fear, and guilt.

Always keep in mind that you didn't fail your faith. Your faith failed you.

SammyShazaam's picture
That sounds like really sound

That sounds like really sound advice, Spewer, especially as you acknowledge all of the emotional ramifications of letting go of faith. I haven't been in this situation myself, but I can imagine the feelings betrayal I would have in this kind of circumstance - that would really hurt.

mysticrose's picture
I think despite of your

I think despite of your faithless situation, you should do things that will make you truly happy. In this life, we should not allow ourselves into worrying what would others will feel about us. The important is we are happy and we do good things to others, to the worlds and to our self.

Zaphod's picture
Ok I thought about it and to

Ok I thought about it and to be honest it important to remember that just because you have lost your faith does not mean everyone else around you needs to know. You will want to think about the consequences of telling everyone your new-found views. Will it really benefit them or make their live better in any ways? Will it cause excommunication from you re families or worse depending on where you live will it cause persecution to you family by the society surrounding it? Perhaps for example it makes your mother happy to think she has a religious child would you want your mother to feel bad what would it take to keep her happy? Would this information your marriage to fall apart if you are married? If you have kids what would you want for them? Most Atheist seemingly after all the dust settles want their kids to come to their own beliefs and just want their children to have enough information available to them so they can make an informed decision.

It's important to note that Some people seek religion for different reasons some to help them deal with guilt some to help them cope with death some because they are scared to think otherwise the list goes on and on. Most atheist think it is better for people to not have religion but to me I feel that depends on the individual. those dealing with guilt can have some of the most difficult times moving on with life and religion can help some to get back into a normal life. I personally don't mind anybodies religious views atheist or not as long as they don't infringe on the lives of others or hurt anybody. I do see still some benefits to religion and don't feel the world would be entirely better off without them though I feel religion should be kept in check. I guess what I m trying to say here is tread carefully and with consideration for yourself and the people around you. I happen to have been at this a while and know it takes the average person about 6 months to 2 years to get over the shock of realizing atheism. I recommend you use this time to learn as much as you can about being such. I also recommend you learns as much as you can about religion starting with those closest to you this will come in handy in the future and now you have the ability to view it with an open mind so long as you don't put up mental walls against it you may not believe in what these religions put forth but it would be a good idea to know more about the religions than the people in them know as this can help you in many situations where they will know little about being an atheist. this will help you learn so much about people and the world surrounding you. Depending on how strongly religious is your family is and assuming you were Christian believe it or not, the bible may be your best tool when it comes to making this easier on you and your loved ones. The bible teaches us that we have free will, that those who do not believe but have been saved are worth more than those who have always believed, but most importantly it teaches us not to judge. It is also filled with a bunch of contradictions that basically discredit it.

ginamoon's picture
I think it is better to have

I think it is better to have a talk with them and share your thoughts. Listen to them as much as you want them to listen to you. Being a good person no matter what you believed in is more important than your religion or organization.

efpierce's picture
Zaph is right, not everyone

Zaph is right, not everyone needs to know and even if you do decide to talk about it, you don't have to do it right away. If you do, others will try to convince you that you are wrong and you should follow with your heart rather than your brain.

DesolateProphet's picture
Once you come to accept that

Once you come to accept that you have lost your faith, a burden will be lifted at least in time. Then you should have a since of freedom. What will hurt the most is how fast "friends" will drop you from their lives and others wont even talk to you. Attempting to go back will not work, but you will understand the Allegory of the Cave in completely.

Rob's picture
Well to be honest with you

Well to be honest with you this is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Once you are able to find happiness and comfort in your own actions and realize that there is nothig out there givinv you a hand or keeping you down, then you truly achieve freedom.

efpierce's picture
Rob's right, finding that

Rob's right, finding that inner peace is something that we all have to do on our own and, although it may be difficult, it still must be done.

SammyShazaam's picture
... I'm not sure if you're a

... I'm not sure if you're a Christian, at least in the mainstream sense. But if you are, compare it to the experience you had when you discovered that Santa wasn't real, and your parents were lying to you.

Terrible, but you got over it, right? You'll get through this :)

Zaphod's picture
I was wondering if we could

I was wondering if we could get an update from Rojavon. How are thing going for you now that some time has passed?

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