I was brought up as a Christian and was, a long time ago, quite an active churchgoer despite persistent doubts. This past year, as a result of study, rational thinking and introspection, I realized and accepted that I really am an atheist. My wife is a Christian from a very religious and conservative family. We have discussed my philosophical change extensively, she accepts it and it is not a source of friction or animosity between us.

Despite her support, I am reluctant to “come out” to her family and our friends. If I were 40 years younger and in college today, I would do so unreservedly. However, I question if her family and our friends would be so understanding; many of them already have trouble accepting that we are liberals. We are also at that time of life when illness is more likely to strike, thus social and family support networks are so important. I do not wish to risk alienating either of us from these support networks.

Consequently, I am still believed to be a Christian by the family and last year I was asked to say a prayer just before the family Christmas dinner. In response, I composed and said a respectful prayer. For that action, some may label me a hypocrite, others a coward without convictions; I consider that I was being pragmatic for that special occasion.

I ask myself if all these other people really need to know. I do not intend to deconvert any of them. If I continue to be a good person, why is it any of their business? Have others faced similar decisions? I would appreciate any positive suggestions.