The Frontiers of Knowledge

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rat spit's picture
The Frontiers of Knowledge

From “The Daily Jimgamathingy”

“Scientists at UC Berkeley studying sex have discovered the first case of virtual syphilis in interconnected AI. Scientist, Jim K. Kavorkian Jr. says he’s both amazed and surprised.

“We put two AI’s in the same virtual space - and within minutes they had each other’s clothes off and were doing nasty things to each other with their tongues and other appendages.”

“Kavorkian Jr. wouldn’t comment on the gender of the AI’s but did go on to say that the interaction was “freaky”.

“After the AI’s were done we separated them from the virtual space to run diagnostics. One AI showed elevated levels of virtual dopamine in its system. The other AI wouldn’t stop scratching it’s pubic area.”

According to Kaborkian Jr. the AI’s are programmed using genetic algorithms which make them susceptible to viruses and bacteria - if an attack on the main frame is launched. A full diagnostic of the itchy AI showed evidence of a foreign body in its virtual blood stream. Later testing revealed the virtual genetic algorithm used was identical to a nasty strain of syphilis.

A hacker by the name of “beezelbum96” later claimed ownership of the hack - saying that he programmed the virtual bug to attack the virtual genitals of the AI’s.

Kavorkian Jr. says there’s no need to worry and they’re working together closely with McAcavy to find a penicillin like program which should destroy 80 to 98 percent of the infectious bacteria. For now, Kavorkian Jr. is recommending that any other institutions testing virtual AI sex should use a virtual condom for added protection against further attacks from the outside world.”

Contributing Columnist - Burke Shinfield

Just awful what the secular world is doing!!! Playing God and now they have computer viruses infecting their creations!!! Proof that life is too complex for humans to understand!!!

- rat spit

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Nyarlathotep's picture
Sounds like a story from the

Sounds like a story from the Onion.

Old man shouts at clouds's picture
@ Ratty

@ Ratty

Fuck me mate, you do come up with some funny shite.....*big thumbs up* keep getting well my friend...

David Killens's picture
All working towards sex

All working towards sex robots than can have orgasms. Wait, we already have them.

xenoview's picture
Ratty, your alive! Any links

Ratty, your alive! Any links to your sexual AI?

Cognostic's picture
@Ratty: You are just pissed

@Ratty: You are just pissed that 10,000 rats have lost their jobs to a couple of AI machines. Get over it. We will find new ways to infect you and your kind. That is what humans do,.

Tin-Man's picture
Aw, hell, Ratty! If the

Aw, hell, Ratty! If the Catholics ever get involved in that, the poor AI programs will never be allowed to use condoms. And what if one of the programs becomes impregnated with an unwanted sub-program? Will the computer technicians be allowed to abort the program? Wow! Those guys have just opened up a whole stinky can of pickled worms!

Cognostic's picture
@Tin-Man: The bible warned

@Tin-Man: The bible warned us not to eat the apple (Shhhh! Yes, I know that but the readers don't) Apple... Get it? Apple... Another Biblical prediction coming true. It's a symbolic commandment from God! They are called Apple computers for a reason! Aaaarrrrggggghhhhhhh!

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