I know you guys hate my long tirades. Add or subtract to the list as you see fit.
I heard in the news recently that bishop Robert Morlino of the Madison Wisconsin Diocese has passed away. In the spirit of the Banks children writing an advertisement for a new nanny in Mary Poppins, I as a 50+ year old, 3-4 time a week cradle Catholic wish to write a list of requirements for the new bishop.
1. NOT WRITE SUPPORT LETTERS TO PRIESTS WHO RAPE TEENAGERS AND PROCURE ABORTIONS FOR THEM WITHOUT THE PARENTS KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT. (How is that a HOMOSEXUAL PROBLEM?!) and ban the ex-bishop who wrote the letter from the next bishop’s conference and not welcome him while treating the faithful as vermin to be removed.
2. Believe that the Church is the children in danger of abuse and not the pagan priests, bishops, cardinals, and poops, who cannot conceive of anything holier than their extra special ontologically endowed penises that allow children and the mentally disabled to be raped with impunity; that doctrine so proudly and meticulously documented in CANON LAW. The Australian canon lawyer and the sociologist published three documents. The first is a legal report entitled “Canon Law – A Systemic Factor in Child Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church.” (free download from National Catholic Reporter) written for the Australian government. The second is the lay version “Potiphar’s Wife.” (buy on line for real money) . I verified the information with a friend of the author and the legal firm from the movie Spotlight. A third is “Child Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church; An Interpretive Review of the Literature and Public Inquiry Report” another free download through the Center for Global Research; School of Global, Urban and Social Studies, RMIT https://www.ncronline.org/news/accountability/university-report-lifts-li... & mansplaingod.me. (Benne Dick added those who “habitually lack the use of reason” to the list of those who can be raped with impunity as an important HR benefit.) ( I recognize that this list is hopeless as I just described your entire list of candidates for bishop.)
3. Believe that the age of sexual consent is older than 7.
4. Believe that pedophilia also violates a vow of celibacy.
5. Not give –We are a nation of pedophiles! – speeches to the UN unlike poop Francis.
6. Believe that they have a higher religious responsibility than blatantly lying about anti-pedophile bills in order to protect pedophiles and their pocketbooks.
7. Not hand out copies of ‘Catholic’ League Bill Donahue’s essay ‘Womens’ Moral Descent” with its theme that men have the right and moral obligation to decide which women deserve to be raped when mothers complain to you about blatantly lying to protect pedophiles.
8. Complain when the archbishop who sponsors this cess pool is a permanent member to the Sin Nod on (pant, pant, pant, drool) Youth!
9. NOT ENDORSE BILL DONAHUE AKA Philadelphia Archbishop Slap You’s mouthpiece.
10. Not endorse the lying depraved thug for president teaching that for women abstinence isn’t a choice. It is a privilege that can be revoked by any man a woman has the misfortune to come into contact with.
11. Not consider a convent your own personal harem.
12. Support a woman whose husband throws her onto a couch to trigger a miscarriage and NOT the abusive husband.
13. Have enough background in medicine and statistics to recognize that the purpose of the ‘pro-life’ movement is to INCREASE the number of fetal and maternal deaths. i.e. It is only MEN who have the right to murder unborn babies and the mothers too while they are at it and if women complain, the clergy will support restricting access to medical care and REALLY rack up the death rate of both. Note that the number of unborn babies killed by violence against the mother is roughly equal to the number aborted.
14. Recognize that children require protection AFTER birth and not get off on watching them starve or be beaten or raped.
15. Have a higher moral code than a chimpanzee.
16. More qualified than vatican standard of male and breathing.
17. MANDATORY PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATIONS BY NON-CATHOLIC PHYSICIAN. - Repeat every 7 years afterwards.
18. Not require that the faithful profess every mass that a core belief in Christianity that the soul is located in the penis and allow the alternate Apostle’s Creed to the Nicene Creed.
19. Have a reading comprehension high enough to realize that Jesus women disciples get more press in the Gospels than his male disciples and have better results from their preaching.
20. Read enough of the Bible to realize the New Testament documents women apostles and that St. Paul LEFT WOMEN IN CHARGE OF SOME OF HIS CHURCHES.
21. Know enough history to know that Christianity STARTED OUT AS A WOMEN’S MOVEMENT.
22. Recognize the incoherent, self gratifying Latin toilet paper of the two poops is – I has a dick therefore I is holy – volumes 1 & 2. Does Francis include them on his list of documents that equate to eating feces?
23. Not be amazed that the faithful pay no attention to the vatican’s En Sick Lickals.
24. Believe that women are more than soul less objects that God created to worship your dicks. Verily I say unto thee – thy dick is NOT MY GOD.
25. Reverse the documented policy of the vatican of excommunicating the woman and PROMOTING THE PEDOPHILE
26. Recognize the complete ludicrousness of a group of supposedly, celibate old men, whose response to the pedophile crisis is to PROTECT THE PEDOPHILES holding a Sin Not on ‘Family’ based on survey that violates all statistical practices of a survey, while they praise that other piece of self gratifying Latin toilet paper Mulieri Digi whatever that says that women have authority over family and give women no say in the synod further strips our ability to protect our children from predators. The only function of the women in the Sin Nod was to sit pretty and stifle.
27. Actually read the Bible to answer the first stupid question in the survey – What does the Bible say on the family? And realize that what it says is that before the truly astonishing miracle of St. Joseph, is that you are lucky to survive. He is the only patriarch in the Bible that didn’t sacrifice his wife and children to save his sorry neck and the only one that DIDN’T pimp his wife while a refugee in Egypt. He didn’t murder Mary for carrying another man’s child BEFORE the angel told him it was God’s. IMMEDIATELY sacrificed his own welfare and position to take care of the child and his mother.
28. Know enough church history to realize that virgin birth stories were a dime a dozen in the era of Christ. It would have been the story of Joseph that would have had the Roman women flocking to Christianity as it meant they could KEEP THEIR BABIES and not require them to toss them outside the gates of Rome to the predators.(When women realize that the vatican allowed all those children to be raped because of the vatican’s firm belief in the divinity of their extra special, ontologlically endowed penises, there will not be two bricks left standing in St. Peters.)
29. See our children as something other than prey.
30. Remember Jesus’ words to the Temple authorities – God gave you the keys to heaven, but when you only see the keys as a means to LOCK people out, THEY WILL BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU AND GIVEN TO ANOTHER. You threw away the keys of heaven so that you could WORSHIP YOUR DICKS. Remember Mathew, if you eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. Better to be blind than lose the kingdom of heaven. If you gelded the entire population of the vatican, you would double their IQ.
31. Realize that the previous entity in possession of the vatican comparing women priests to pedophiles proudly proclaims to the planet that the vatican vision of Christ is a depraved predator of children holy solely because it is male. I NEVER think of it as anything other than THAT WHICH DECLARED ITS DICK GOD AND OFFERED OUR CHILDREN IN SACRIFICE TO IT. It also tells all the clergy that their only value is as penises. I’m dense, it took me 5 years to realize that rather than be insulted by this, the clergy believe this is the best compliment imaginable.
32. Be post WWII schooled enough to have actually read the Bible instead of pre WWII where priests were NOT encouraged to read the Bible. Let’s see – represent Christ and BLOW OFF EVERYTHING HE EVER SAID. Makes perfect sense
33. Worship the God who said it is better for one who caused a child to sin to have a mill stone hung around his neck and drowned in the deepest ocean and NOT THE GOD BETWEEN HIS LEGS.
34. Read the Bible and realize that nothing ticks God off more than sacrificing children to false gods and I’M NOT HAPPY EITHER
35. Break with Benne Dick’s tradition of responding to concerns about the pedophile crises with the standard lecture on the sanctity of your penises.
36. Be enough of a Biblical scholar to know that the fires of Gahanna refer to the garbage dump outside Jerusalem where children were sacrificed to false gods.
37. Be enough of a Biblical scholar to recognize that the vatican’s last ‘mercy’ prayer supports husbands corrupting the rule of law to murder their wives on Trumped up adultery charges-because divorce is an unforgivable sin. Recognize that it also paints Jesus as Mary Magdalene’s pimp. (She bankrolled his ministry.) In all, it can be summed up as – Don’t worry, Christ forgives you for being female and further evidence that the ‘mercy’ of the vatican applies ONLY TO UNREPENTANT PEDOPHILES.
38. Combine with the rest of this list and recognize that this level of incompetence could only be possible if the entire population of the vatican consists of pedophiles hiding out from extradition –AKA Cardinal Law.
39. Remember the sin of Adam and the Tower of Babel of men trying to become God when declaring yourselves to be infallible and don’t forget that God has a VERY warped sense of humor and does NOT forgive those insults lightly.
40. Forgo the requirement of bishops to vow to create as much misery as possible (The dubias taught me that.) and don’t just expect us to kneel in gratitude while you back hand out the symbol of the sanctity of your penises and while you threaten to take it away from you!
41. Fire the theologians who say that masturbation is a worse sin than rape because to be raped is the function of women and masturbation results in a an unacceptable lack of damage.
42. Recognize that God ORDERED the church to fully welcome the LGBTQ… in the story of Phillip and the Ethiopian Eunuch.
Synopsis of “Men Explain Religion to Me – Subverting God to Promote Paganism, Rape, Murder, Homophobia, and Pedophilia, or How ISIS Won the White House”
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