Weirdest, stupidest, or funniest religious rituals

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algebe's picture
Weirdest, stupidest, or funniest religious rituals

What are the craziest religious rituals you've ever heard of?

On NHK news today, I saw people engaging in the Buddhist cucumber purification ritual. You go to a certain temple, where you buy a piece of paper and a cucumber for an inflated price. You write your ailment on the paper, which a monk then rolls up and inserts into a hole drilled in the cucumber. Take the cucumber home and rub on it affected part of your body twice a day for three days, and then bury it. And hey presto you're cured!

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watchman's picture


I agree the "cucumber" ritual is pretty weird..... but I've got to raise the "biscuit and booze" rite.... undertaken in the sure and certain belief that they instantaneously, miraculously, mutate into human blood and flesh.

Cognostic's picture
Stupidest thing I have ever

Stupidest thing I have ever seen is the mass mutilation of chickens by Jews at the Wailing Wall. Vendors are set up so that you can get your chicken, slit its throat and dispose of it all in a quick and easy way. God loves Chicken Blood. Yom Kippur One of the most idiotic practices in the world today. IN THE NAME OF RELIGION!!!

It happens in America too... HAPPY PAGAN RITUAL!!!

How about NY City...


Cognostic's picture
The Ritual Killing of Witches

The Ritual Killing of Witches by Christians:

While we are on Witches and killing them another completely useless ritual is PRAYER
If you are in a witchcraft related situation you can save yourself through PRAYER.

All you can do is shake your head in utter disbelief. This moronic shit is going on in the world today.

Muashkis's picture
That reminds me of a pagan

That reminds me of a pagan flame ritual I went to years ago. It was fun! Dancing and singing folk songs around a stake, where we burned food offerings and flowers. *closet pyromaniac inside laughed hysterically*

Well, superstitions and other crap aside, at least the folk songs are nice. They convey multiple valuable morality lessons, without even resorting to the superstitions the 'pagans' themselves no longer believe. Nowadays they only practice them as ways of attracting tourists interested in our past culture, nearly destroyed by Northern Crusades and both world wars.

Clearly it's different from faith blinded rituals, but it somewhat shows that even completely sane people are prone to such rather foolish behavior. Even if only by goodwill motivated attempts of preserving history.

CyberLN's picture
Rituals are everywhere.

Rituals are everywhere. Every one of us engages in them to one degree or another. Some are silly and some are lovely. The only ones with which I take issue are those that cause (at least overt) damage...circumcision, for example.

LogicFTW's picture
What about piercings? Ears,

What about piercings? Ears, nose, nipples, genitalia?


Removal of hair, (waxing, laser, tweezing.)

Most unnecessary cosmetic surgery to meet a certain time/culture ideal.

Wearing of dangerous clothes, high stiletto heels, too tight pants, or the opposite, wearing almost nothing at all and hopping on to a motorcycle.


Hmm I know I am missing some obvious ones.

CyberLN's picture
Those things are typically

Those things are typically done by an informed individual. Circumcision is typically done TO someone without consent. Please excuse me for not being clear.

LogicFTW's picture
That is a very important

That is a very important point, circumcision is a ritual done without consent which makes it especially heinous. Especially when it is well known now that there is no major medical benefit to circumcision that outweighs the possible negatives.

Cognostic's picture
You have just never had a

You have just never had a plate of fried foreskins with cocktail sauce. Just like little ringlets of calamari. There is a reason God likes foreskins. Not like other stupid Christian rituals.

arakish's picture
Algebe: What are the craziest

Algebe: What are the craziest religious rituals you've ever heard of?

ALL of them!

Now to go back and see what everyone else wrote.


Cognostic's picture
Christmas is an absolutely

Christmas is an absolutely stupid Christian ritual. (Just the Christian version of it.)
1. No place in the bible are Christians told to celebrate it.
2. There is no evidence at all that Dec. 25 was Jesus’ birth date.

3. There were not three wise men or three kings, it's not in the bible.

4. There was no magic star in the sky - astrologers would have freaked out and we would have records.

5. Luke also tells us that Jesus was born at the time of a census ordered by the Roman emperor (Luke 2:1-3). IT NEVER HAPPENED.

5. The fact is, DECORATED TREES WITH GOLD AND SILVER, GIFT GIVING, SINGING SONGS AROUND THE TREES, CUTTING DOWN A TREE AND BRINGING INTO THE HOME, YULE LOGS AND MORE, in any number of books and encyclopedias, DEMONSTRATE that all these trappings came from ancient pagan festivals.

6. Christians are specifically warned not to Celebrate holidays in the ways of the pagans.
"1 Hear the word which the LORD speaks to you, O house of Israel. 2 Thus says the LORD: Do not learn the way of the Gentiles; do not be dismayed at the signs of heaven, for the Gentiles are dismayed at them. 3 For the customs of the peoples are futile; for one cuts a tree from the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the ax. 4 They decorate it with silver and gold; they fasten it with nails and hammers so that it will not topple. 5 They are upright, like a palm tree, and they cannot speak; they must be carried, because they cannot go by themselves. Do not be afraid of them, for they cannot do evil, nor can they do any good.”
Jeremiah 10:1-5

Pagan Christmas on the other hand is great. Gift giving, Santa, singing the secular songs, being with friends, Christmas trees, and Christmas tree burns after the holidays. Eggnog, rum cake, hot wine, gluttony, and a host of other sins. It's a great holiday.

The_Quieter's picture
I maintain that "rituals"

I maintain that "rituals" that involve actual harm are worse. People who won't get medical treatment for themselves or worse for their children.

Grinseed's picture
All those weird self-harm

All those weird self-harm rituals. The muslims who lacerate themselves with barbed whips and knives then parade their loss of blood like a pissing contest because some early worshipper did it. Why? Just to prove how much more Islamic they are than others?
And fanatic christians who do the whole crucifiction ritual at easter, drag their own crosses and some with real freaking nails. I thought Jesus was crucified so that no-one else had to be? If he were real I'm sure he would be pissed off that these idiots do it for their own egos and despite his efforts. You'd think they would have the decency of their own faith to be hung upside down like Peter was said to have requested because he did not consider himself equal to Jesus.

What happened to simple acts of charity and other less harmful things to do? Religion makes people crazy.

mickron88's picture
there's loads of them here in

there's loads of them here in the philippines...

just sit back relax and listen to old folks from our country and you'll be like "dude this is good shit"

oh of course without the crack thing...just plane superstitious bullshit...

Cognostic's picture
@ Grinseed: "Self harming

@ Grinseed: "Self harming Muslims"
I don't know why I didn't think of it before. This is a great Christian ritual in the Philippines. Beat yourself to death with a whip and then hang yourself from a cross. You will be the first in your neighborhood to be as pious as Jesus was believed to be... And don't forget to pass the collection plate.

Wasn't it WC Fields who said there is one born every second?

arakish's picture
Cognostic: Wasn't it WC

Cognostic: Wasn't it WC Fields who said there is one born every second?

PT Barnum.


Cognostic's picture
Well, he was obviously right!

Well, he was obviously right!

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