Epheron, a planet, was created by AHOH, the only true God who was omnipotent and created everything in the universe. Lam and El, two creatures of AHOH, made in flesh and blood, were sent down to Epheron from the heaven for a sin committed by Lam. The sin was that Lam was ordered by AHOH to not to drink from the ugliest river of ignorance in heaven, but yet, he drank from that river by falling into the chicanery of Maya. Maya was a powerful being who always opposed the commands of God AHOH. Hence God declared Maya an evil force. As Lam committed the sin, God sent him down to Epheron with El, his female companion, as a punishment. Once there, they needed to toil for their livings, pray to AHOH for forgiveness, and strive against the evil power of Maya who came down to Earth to deceive them. Later, Lam and El got married as the command of God required and gave birth to children and their children gave birth to more children and in that way Epheron became filled with many descendants of Lam and El. For thousands of years, Maya and his evil angels harmed the descendants of Lam and El and creating many factions among the Epheronians.
For 4000 years, since the creation of Lam and El, many prophets of God and noble followers of the prophets had been battling against Maya and many times they had won. But those victories were not long-lasting and finally Maya took full control of the planet. Descendants of Lam and El lost the battles against Maya and as a result, Epheron turned into a planet of crime and dishonesty. AHOH after that realized that there was a glitch in the system of His creation and that needed to be repaired.
Yunda was the most popular place in Epheron. Once it was full of religious people and spirituality. But like all the other places in Epheron, it also had come into the hands of Maya. God, this time, made a better plan than Maya to destroy his evil force. So, on a scorching hot day in Azareth, a small town in Yunda, an Epheronian was wandering around, hunting for something to eat. His name was Yansef and he was not as dishonest as the other Epheronians at that time. He prayed to AHOH and believed that He was the only true God. Anyway, as he was foraging, he suddenly saw a snake. It was not any ordinary rattlesnake which was common in the Yundian deserts. It was a huge Anaconda which no Epheronian ever saw before and was 40 feet long, weighed over 600 pounds, and its body was shimmering reddish glow. Yansef was devastated by the behemoth. He could not kill that; “run Yansef, run!”, he thought.
But! Suddenly a voice came out from the Anaconda- “thou shalt not run.”
Yansef became even more perplexed. He stopped and became like a statue after hearing the command.
“I am sent from your Lord”, said the Anaconda, “I shalt beget the Son of AHOH. Call thy people.”
“Son of AHOH?”, asked Yansef.
“Yes, and He will be thy Saviour”, answered the Anaconda.
Yansef ran toward the King of Yunda and told the story in front of all the attendances in the town hall where the king resided. The whole town hall exploded with laughter. “This man has become crazy. Son of AHOH? Hahaha! There is no AHOH, no God”, said the king, Retro. Retro was so evil that he would even kill the person who would make a single sound in the town hall without his order. He believed that there was no God and that his empire, Jachan, must conquer the whole Epheron. He was under the control of Maya’s enchantment. The king ordered Yansef to be executed, but not in that day. He was to be killed in the next dawn. But despite the King’s refusal of the Yansef’s experience, few attendances believed that. Later, at night, the few people who believed in Yansef, helped him to escape the prison and went to the desert where Yansef saw the Anaconda.
After their arrival in the desert, the group saw nothing but sand. They waited the whole night to see the snake. But there was nothing. The group started to doubt Yansef and was thinking about handing him over into the hands of King Retro in the next day. But before that, during the sunrise at Azareth, the king himself arrived in the desert with his armies followed by many town dwellers.
By the morning, the whole place became filled with people. “Kill the madman!”, the town dwellers were chanting. Retro ordered his army to bring Yansef back to the town to execute him but just in that time a sandstorm started. People became very confused and frightened and after few minutes, when the sandstorm had stopped, there appeared the Anaconda. People finally experienced what Yansef was telling them about. They became dumbfounded by watching such a huge and awe-inspiring creature like the way Yansef had described.
But Retro, the king, did not become frightened and said that the Anaconda was just a snake which had to be killed. He ordered his army to kill the snake. Yet before the attack could be executed, the Anaconda gave birth to a baby just looked like the every other Epheronian. It did not look like an Anaconda. Every single person, including the king and his people, was staring at the baby which was shining like a diamond and two angels descended from the heaven to carry on the baby. Many believed the baby to be a Son of God just at that time, but the king and some of his own people and his army did not. He, yet again, ordered the army and his people to kill both the snake and the baby. But the attempt was futile. So, the king with his army and people escaped the place immediately after the futile attack.
“The Son of God shalt live with Yansef”, commanded the Anaconda and then vanished within a second by leaving the baby with the angels. The baby was smiling and Yansef took him from the angels with fear. Everybody was trying to see him at once. Yansef, after looking at the precious face of the baby, lost all his fear and started to cry with happiness and carried the baby toward his home in the town and the darkness that Maya brought upon the holiest place of Epheron, Yunda, just disappeared. Angels were always beside the baby and singing beautiful songs. One angel was announcing through the town, "Behold! I bring you good news of great joy, for to you is born today in the city of Yunda a Savior who is Sesus, the lord." The news spread out to the surrounding towns and villages of Azareth and many people started to visit the Son of God- Sesus. Wind of peace and harmony started to blow in Yunda after a very long time.
Baby Sesus was raised by Yansef and his wife Ary at Azareth. Yansef was a garbage collector of the town and he employed Lord Sesus too to collect garbage as God said Yansef to raise Sesus as his own son. Many years Sesus passed as a garbage collector and when he reached in his mid 20s, GOD, AHOH, sent an angel named as Yen the Attist to make Sesus more powerful. But Maya tried to intervene between Sesus and Yen the Attist to dismantle their power. So, Sesus went to a cave and fasted and meditated there for 42 days, searching for ways to destroy the foe Maya forever from the kingdom of Yunda. After the meditation and fasting in the cave, Sesus became even more powerful and God sent a message from the heaven to Yunda, “This is my beloved son Sesus on whom I am much pleased”.
There were still unbelievers and foes like Retro in Epheron who were planning to kill the son of God with the help of Maya. On the other hand, God Sesus started to show so many miracles around Yunda, like walking on the fire, giving legs to the legless, floating foods in the wind, turning blood into mango juice, healing the patients with the most dangerous and untreatable disease: cancer etc.
One night, suddenly, Sesus called his followers at a secluded place at Azareth and announced that he was going to be killed in the next day by his enemies. Everybody became so sullen after hearing that and asked the Lord to not to abandon them. Then the son of God said, “I need to die. My father needs me. You do not know that creating Maya was the biggest sin my Father ever committed. I need to die for His sins. But lament not. My Father loves you. That is why He sent Me among you and now I have to sacrifice Myself for you and My Father. I shall live among you forever even if I die.” Later, He ate pies, cookies, roasts of turkeys, drank tea and wine with the followers for the last time and blessed everyone.
Then, when the next day arrived, King Retro appeared in Yunda with the king, Holler, of the Bews community. Bews people believed in many gods and worshiped them by making statues of those gods. They also committed incest and naked festivals were a regular issue among them. Maya’s most successful achievement was the Bews community. Even though Yunda did not believe in any God but Holler believed in many gods, they had to come into the convergence to beat the King of the Kings, Sesus. They attacked lord Sesus when he was at the house of god-hurch, meditating. They shackled the Lord and dragged him outside of the hurch and then slapped Him, jumped over His body, kicked on His teeth, broke His ribs, and finally humiliated Him in front of everyone by making Him a eunuch. But the loving Son of God did not speak a single word. He had forbidden His followers to take any sort of step to save Him.
After that, they took Sesus in Akhish, a region to the eastern site of Yunda, where Bews community lived. Few Bews people believed in the Lord and the rest booed Him. Many howled repeatedly, “Crush him, crush him.” So, the Kings ordered his army to dig a hole above a mountain and to bring Sesus out there. So did the army. Then they pushed Lord Sesus into the hole and crushed Him by dropping many slabs of heavy rocks over Him. Yansef, Ary, and some of Sesus’ apostles came to the spot in disguise and they cried, but silently so that no one could hear them. After the killing of the Son of God, the Bews of Akhish and Retro’s people started to celebrate and King Holler announced a festival at night.
But when the spectators just started to leave the spot, Yansef and Ary could not control themselves and ran toward the hole where Sesus was crushed. They carried out all the heavy slabs one after another from the hole to see Sesus’ body and both of them became astonished. “Our Lord is not here”, screamed Yansef and Ary simultaneously. Spectators stopped leaving the place and looked back at the killing spot.
And then is when they saw the Holy Spirit of Sesus ascending from the hole. Someone called the Kings to the spot and they all witnessed the Holy Spirit. “O you who believed Me, here is the good news for you: you all are safe as My Father’s sins are now eradicated by this death of Mine. Spread the good news to your father, mother, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, step-sons, step-daughters, friends, and anyone you find in front of you. Maya and his followers perish as my death made me stronger than ever”, said the Lord.
Then the saviour of Epheronians screamed by saying, “aaeelluiippa!” and showed his middle finger to the darkest cloud that was looming on Akhish at that day -- the cloud was actually Maya in disguise. The cloud became brightened in a second and that means Maya was finally removed from the face of the Epheron forever by the power of saviour Sesus. All his followers had turned into ashes after that. Later, Sesus left Epheron for heaven.
Good overcame the evil and the whole Epheron realized the power of the Son of God and the number of the followers of Sesus had become billions from just hundreds within a very short period of time. No evil power ever came back in domination in Epheron and peace lasted their forever. Epheronians used to wear a locket with the image of the middle finger of Sesus to commemorate his power and care for Epheronians. Some turned into a eunuch to become holiest like the son of God. Many hurches were built for prayer and the Epheronians lived peacefully forever under the grace of Lord AHOH and his Son Sesus.
(n.b.: If you are a Christian, did you realize that the above story makes as much sense as the story that you believe in even though more humorous?)