Are Atheists more open to alternative relationship models?

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Lauren's picture
Are Atheists more open to alternative relationship models?

I recently became acquainted with the topic of polyamory through my boyfriend who has suddenly taken interest in it. Polyamory is basically where people are in open relationships but everyone involved is consenting, for example there may be a husband and wife where the wife would like to have an extra partner but she must do it upon the consent of her husband, she cannot be secret about it or selfish.

When I first read about it I said it sounds cool, makes sense and I have nothing like religion holding me back. I have gradually found the concept alone to be difficult to cope with though and we haven't even started! Even with the forward thinking that I have on many issues I am finding it difficult to suddenly let my partner be with others.

I am wondering what other Atheists feel about this? Have you experimented? I am assuming Atheists are some of the better minds to communicate with on this subject :)

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Zaphod's picture
Generally atheist are more

Generally atheist are more open to alternative relationships than say christian or other religious groups that adhere to a monogamous lifestyle because as you stated there is no religion holding them back. There are however theist groups that openly practice polygamy.

To address your real issue though, Just because someone does not have religion to hold them back a more open lifestyle is not a given with all or even most atheist. To be honest its all up to the individual Atheist and what they feel comfortable with, if you don't feel comfortable with the poly lifestyle you would be well advised to avoid it because it will make you feel how you already do. Keep in mind though, not allowing your spouse to explore is also likely to make them feel uncomfortable, especially if you already said at first it was fine. Above all, you need to be honest with your partner because A: they deserve it if you call them such and b: you deserve to have your feelings be known. You could tell them you don't feel ready as it is all new to you and you would like to take it slow, you could tell them you are O.K. with them exploring but you wish to stay out of and not know about it, you could say you thought further about it and you don't feel comfortable sharing them with others, you could say you would like to ease into this together but at a pace comfortable with both of you, or you could simply say you changed you mind and ask them to please respect that. It all depends on exactly what you feel you can live with and what you want.

If you are both confident in your love for each other theoretically it should not be a problem but be forewarned once you see them having sex with another person you can not unsee it. It takes a really mentally mature person to handle such relationships. I knew of a couple couples that tried it out and the relationships feel apart you must really be confident in your ability to not be jealous. Over all, if you love someone you should be willing to see to it that they are free to do whatever makes them happy but there is more than one way to do this. Furthermore, I will suggest to you that there are many things that could advantageous to such an arrangement depending on how you as a couple decide to go through with it, there is much more to polygamy than sex. Some people all live together and by doing so live under cheaper circumstances a better lifestyle. The fact remains that if you two feel confident about your love for each other and and do not harbor jealousy everything should be fine, but you be sure to ask if the person is unhappy with the lifestyle you have led up until now. It is important to let them know exactly how you feel and make sure they are doing the same for you. You must be open about any fears or doubts you may be having and you can only hope they are wiling to do the same for you. Personally I think if it s right for you it can be one of the greatest lifestyles you can choose to have. It can rekindle your own relationship, it can make the relationship stronger as you share yet another thing in common, and it can well ad to your sex life. Point of advise though, if your partner desires more sex than you are willing to give them and you decide to go down this road be sure you are giving them more attention than anybody else.

Henry Plantagenet's picture
It's simpler than that. Your

It's simpler than that. Your boyfriend is cheating on you.

Unknowntyper's picture
No more than anyone else. I

No more than anyone else. I suppose the only significant difference is that if you are open to it and you are an atheist you do n ot have a dogmatic fear creating a personal conflict. I only know one person practising polyamory, and that person is a theist. Everyone else I know is, as far as I know, not into the idea of sharing a partner once they are involved in an actual relationship.

Atheism has no rules. It is not a faith nor is it a religion.

Lauren's picture
Zaphod, I agree with much of

Zaphod, I agree with much of what you say. To be honest I think couples should at least explore the concept of polyamory. Because of this relationship model my boyfriend and I have had many conversations that have allowed us to learn more about each other than what we would have if we were in the solid mono mindset. I think the mono mindset keeps couples quiet about the possibilities of taking interest in others and then when one partner is enticed it turns into a big ordeal because the possibility of it happening wasn't previously discussed.

Lauren's picture
lol @ Henry. I guess I should

lol @ Henry. I guess I should slash his tires now... Really though I think humans are naturally explorers who enjoy trying new things, meeting new people, etc. I hate feeling like I have someone on a leash and am dictating their life and the experiences they have, but I also feel that there should be respect, trust and communication between partners.

Sometimes I question where I would stand on this issue had I not grown up with the religious influence of don't have sex before marriage, find that one true love, etc. This is also mainstream in Disney flicks and other popular movies that kids enjoy. As a result many of us are closed to reality of the situation which is, again, humans enjoy exploring and enjoy sex.

H.F.K's picture
In Middle East which is my

In Middle East which is my region, when someone mention atheism front of Muslims directly they start thinking about this kind of relations , they think atheism always means that group of people who makes group sex or relative sex or at least a happened who enjoy seeing his wife with others.

In my last travelling trip I was without my wife and as an atheist I was think why I have to be committed to my wife and why shouldn't look after my desire. Actually it wasn't easy.
A lot of complex issues was there just make me think I can't cheat my wife I know that you are not talking about cheating . But my point trying an extra partner it depends on the person himself .

Any way when I get back tomy home I find that new study find a hormone response about the ability of commitment to the partner
The study find that the mises that been injected with extra dose of this hormone
They just been so commitment to the partners more than that mises doesn't injected.

So actually maybe this the answer from science.
And it could be the main cause of you to reject your partner to be with others and my rejection to cheat my wife.

Lmale's picture
I happen to have kept my

I happen to have kept my christian morals i feel they are the only good thing that came out of that religion.
I get your bfs point fact is monogamy is against nature but giving in to those urges is just a lack of willpower.
Polyamory is no different to such primal urges as hitting someone that annoys you.
Could giving into one lead to giving in to other urges.
Im also a hopeless romantic ive actually been celibate for 13 years because i dont believe in sex without love.

tabicatinthehat's picture
I think atheists are very

I think atheists are very much more open to alternative relationships. Other than what's left of what was likely taught to them, there's nothing holding them back from exploring. I understand the want to give your significant other the freedom he needs to be happy, but just be sure you don't overlook your own happiness.

TheJuristScribe's picture
Hi Lauren

Hi Lauren

Even if you had not grown up with the Judia-Christian teachings at home, the social conditioning would have created you as you now are - uncertain as how you should respond to humankind's natural desires to meet and explore connections with multiple partners. Its a complex issue but I will not say more here in a public forum, suffice to say that I have had polyamorous relationships...

Deidre32's picture
Yes, I think so. I'm open to

Yes, I think so. I'm open to alternative relationship ideas. I recently broke up with my bf, who was talking marriage. I don't ever want to marry, as it's just not something that I personally see as a working model for the long term. I don't believe in soul mates, and that shit either. lol I don't know how I feel about dating someone and they are sleeping around, and so am I. Even though I'm open minded, that can open up a Pandora's box of a whole other nature.

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